Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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