Texts From Last Night

ivybearrr's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (421): View more from

  And she was only 16?

  (1-421): View more from

  You say that like it's a bad thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (421): And she was only 16? (1-421): You say that like it's a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/zexo
  Replies (30) Good night (3195) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.

  (425): View more from Washington

  'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor. (425): 'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas http://tfl.nu/4u1g
  Replies (9) Good night (1791) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs http://tfl.nu/cgkd
  Replies (58) Good night (833) Bad night (11996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction http://tfl.nu/jk7c
  Replies (71) Good night (5401) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers http://tfl.nu/1asq
  Replies (9) Good night (2924) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem... http://tfl.nu/1w4y
  Replies (43) Good night (5446) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met. http://tfl.nu/wpe7
  Replies (9) Good night (3154) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1970) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos http://tfl.nu/qe5u
  Replies (33) Good night (2626) Bad night (4894)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life http://tfl.nu/drtj
  Replies (6) Good night (6128) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (9046) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first. http://tfl.nu/hwjj
  Replies (12) Good night (3255) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team http://tfl.nu/ke7v
  Replies (42) Good night (5933) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT http://tfl.nu/f0p2
  Replies (20) Good night (5110) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  watch out for the queen of hearts

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuucck i forgot ab her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat (215): watch out for the queen of hearts (610): fuucck i forgot ab her http://tfl.nu/mo46
  Replies (15) Good night (5344) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd
  Replies (8) Good night (4797) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6160) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon. http://tfl.nu/roae
  Replies (12) Good night (675) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2
  Replies (12) Good night (4295) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36461) Bad night (4989)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away http://tfl.nu/rorw
  Replies (10) Good night (3432) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  she looked like the bat from fern gully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): she looked like the bat from fern gully. http://tfl.nu/q79p
  Replies (31) Good night (717) Bad night (3279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life http://tfl.nu/wcmr
  Replies (12) Good night (5841) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours. http://tfl.nu/ektb
  Replies (3) Good night (3953) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Barsexuality is the new black.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Barsexuality is the new black. http://tfl.nu/lc2j
  Replies (7) Good night (2441) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  $5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): $5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer http://tfl.nu/vhus
  Replies (9) Good night (2472) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep. http://tfl.nu/seq6
  Replies (14) Good night (5247) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8513) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (44) Good night (4634) Bad night (8289)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it. http://tfl.nu/df00
  Replies (38) Good night (6092) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (2948) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/uw0a
  Replies (28) Good night (5072) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/ngoq
  Replies (10) Good night (4578) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (7947) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I just made Jack Daniels snow cones. http://tfl.nu/ca8x
  Replies (22) Good night (7883) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0
  Replies (22) Good night (2916) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
  Replies (11) Good night (4558) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo. (724): That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling http://tfl.nu/z57r
  Replies (23) Good night (2007) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (9924) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay. http://tfl.nu/aupb
  Replies (16) Good night (4752) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you http://tfl.nu/9qq5
  Replies (39) Good night (6149) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2
  Replies (90) Good night (11884) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade http://tfl.nu/ve1a
  Replies (22) Good night (1823) Bad night (3174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (12368) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (80) Good night (30854) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex. http://tfl.nu/opu2
  Replies (11) Good night (3791) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen http://tfl.nu/az2y
  Replies (29) Good night (5238) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie. http://tfl.nu/rlm3
  Replies (20) Good night (2364) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7830) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (3963) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr
  Replies (19) Good night (12373) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  The worlds most fuckable chipmunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): The worlds most fuckable chipmunk http://tfl.nu/klow
  Replies (6) Good night (942) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/4ze6
  Replies (41) Good night (5213) Bad night (3367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
  Replies (44) Good night (6499) Bad night (2466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor... http://tfl.nu/dk61
  Replies (9) Good night (1909) Bad night (5650)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (7977) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian. http://tfl.nu/ew8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2287) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
  Replies (37) Good night (3389) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link http://tfl.nu/gvkq
  Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this. http://tfl.nu/ylyg
  Replies (20) Good night (4082) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know http://tfl.nu/tf12
  Replies (14) Good night (7061) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that http://tfl.nu/8ytu
  Replies (13) Good night (908) Bad night (4566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this. http://tfl.nu/o1x8
  Replies (52) Good night (12476) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5281) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3410) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking. http://tfl.nu/rroe
  Replies (25) Good night (2348) Bad night (4555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24????? (606 ): We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour. http://tfl.nu/y88k
  Replies (30) Good night (3357) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high http://tfl.nu/1lyw
  Replies (24) Good night (4779) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax
  Replies (25) Good night (7008) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter... http://tfl.nu/166t
  Replies (36) Good night (2494) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in. http://tfl.nu/kwq2
  Replies (24) Good night (3377) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby. http://tfl.nu/udcn
  Replies (51) Good night (9184) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot http://tfl.nu/fwe0
  Replies (9) Good night (3781) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

  (561): View more from Florida

  But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8
  Replies (28) Good night (6864) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet. http://tfl.nu/slw0
  Replies (9) Good night (3331) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. http://tfl.nu/aaag
  Replies (16) Good night (5203) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes. http://tfl.nu/m1eq
  Replies (8) Good night (2057) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/v98w
  Replies (3) Good night (2079) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste. http://tfl.nu/c4ff
  Replies (9) Good night (3051) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13898) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fear?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FEAR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear. (781): Fear? (617): FEAR. http://tfl.nu/5mzi
  Replies (5) Good night (2654) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/e4gb
  Replies (8) Good night (1768) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M." http://tfl.nu/juhx
  Replies (8) Good night (6024) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock". http://tfl.nu/fz13
  Replies (25) Good night (4800) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (340): $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end. http://tfl.nu/eqa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3519) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  She kept screaming "best case scenario"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): She kept screaming "best case scenario" http://tfl.nu/vv3n
  Replies (7) Good night (2832) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5170) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before... http://tfl.nu/n0in
  Replies (4) Good night (3307) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry. http://tfl.nu/kj1j
  Replies (2) Good night (2808) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries. http://tfl.nu/485r
  Replies (2) Good night (3372) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude. http://tfl.nu/2xpl
  Replies (7) Good night (3472) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge. http://tfl.nu/8cnn
  Replies (4) Good night (2841) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (14906) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (9085) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1426) Bad night (5897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs" http://tfl.nu/qi7o
  Replies (27) Good night (4956) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Her name starts with A and ends with whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Her name starts with A and ends with whore. http://tfl.nu/o8d5
  Replies (12) Good night (1417) Bad night (3398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar. http://tfl.nu/t9uo
  Replies (59) Good night (4961) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?

  (1-661): View more from California

  What the hell did you do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy? (1-661): What the hell did you do last night?! http://tfl.nu/xxav
  Replies (48) Good night (736) Bad night (9749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame http://tfl.nu/9sw5
  Replies (9) Good night (4927) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with. http://tfl.nu/6t6o
  Replies (17) Good night (4402) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there http://tfl.nu/wpso
  Replies (8) Good night (4715) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)" http://tfl.nu/e61w
  Replies (31) Good night (994) Bad night (4688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure." http://tfl.nu/vpnd
  Replies (42) Good night (5886) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (6112) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy http://tfl.nu/exgt
  Replies (7) Good night (1019) Bad night (2749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son. http://tfl.nu/kmmn
  Replies (5) Good night (4571) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6013) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail. http://tfl.nu/p81z
  Replies (5) Good night (4555) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant http://tfl.nu/8r36
  Replies (3) Good night (3433) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.

  (562): View more from California

  The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt

  (323): View more from California

  fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though. (562): The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt (323): fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me http://tfl.nu/hrtm
  Replies (30) Good night (2385) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (5088) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands http://tfl.nu/8z3t
  Replies (98) Good night (4514) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (4066) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh
  Replies (18) Good night (3748) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k
  Replies (11) Good night (5462) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone http://tfl.nu/zkvp
  Replies (37) Good night (1495) Bad night (3975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now. http://tfl.nu/xg11
  Replies (16) Good night (6662) Bad night (2091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month. http://tfl.nu/gnax
  Replies (4) Good night (2826) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer. http://tfl.nu/l87h
  Replies (10) Good night (8132) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  bad decision saturdays are such a good decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): bad decision saturdays are such a good decision http://tfl.nu/ffui
  Replies (3) Good night (3499) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine http://tfl.nu/h0jd
  Replies (21) Good night (4256) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw
  Replies (16) Good night (6060) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15. http://tfl.nu/cktg
  Replies (24) Good night (1175) Bad night (4189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I hate freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them. (205): I hate freshman. http://tfl.nu/44or
  Replies (23) Good night (1777) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16. http://tfl.nu/i5l7
  Replies (20) Good night (948) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year. http://tfl.nu/ig11
  Replies (26) Good night (945) Bad night (3115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu
  Replies (34) Good night (11159) Bad night (1370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7433) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (24693) Bad night (1717)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix http://tfl.nu/tcv4
  Replies (35) Good night (7280) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8497) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life http://tfl.nu/64wx
  Replies (28) Good night (7608) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical. http://tfl.nu/h352
  Replies (131) Good night (14251) Bad night (2893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17586) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv
  Replies (92) Good night (27652) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high http://tfl.nu/wyfj
  Replies (16) Good night (4502) Bad night (1933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome http://tfl.nu/ey6z
  Replies (11) Good night (4928) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety http://tfl.nu/5zfx
  Replies (7) Good night (2432) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4240) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen
  Replies (9) Good night (4117) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right". http://tfl.nu/kg1e
  Replies (8) Good night (1596) Bad night (4248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): 47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over. (1-647): Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead? http://tfl.nu/n8gs
  Replies (57) Good night (1024) Bad night (5457)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7406) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it. http://tfl.nu/bv5q
  Replies (15) Good night (2701) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh. http://tfl.nu/s2cz
  Replies (40) Good night (4215) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug? http://tfl.nu/56z8
  Replies (45) Good night (5578) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head. (309): "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night. http://tfl.nu/9065
  Replies (62) Good night (8909) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy http://tfl.nu/fggt
  Replies (15) Good night (3661) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (43) Good night (14865) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4944) Bad night (2084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside http://tfl.nu/d6yu
  Replies (13) Good night (9148) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America. http://tfl.nu/3zlb
  Replies (13) Good night (5860) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/brn7
  Replies (15) Good night (5043) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now? http://tfl.nu/9ud5
  Replies (57) Good night (2730) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11339) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day) http://tfl.nu/fh88
  Replies (40) Good night (1616) Bad night (3886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass. http://tfl.nu/otet
  Replies (35) Good night (781) Bad night (7966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication. http://tfl.nu/hfzx
  Replies (38) Good night (618) Bad night (2349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room. http://tfl.nu/g35c
  Replies (14) Good night (4331) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6661) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5619) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged. http://tfl.nu/xha8
  Replies (57) Good night (2190) Bad night (4334)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa
  Replies (15) Good night (6400) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent http://tfl.nu/7y58
  Replies (13) Good night (5598) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
  Replies (60) Good night (7264) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (15509) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Intervention is following me on twitter.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti
  Replies (14) Good night (5129) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (155) Good night (7910) Bad night (2388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1613) Bad night (5033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home http://tfl.nu/ug2x
  Replies (76) Good night (7305) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites. http://tfl.nu/811n
  Replies (10) Good night (4797) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this... http://tfl.nu/7jfd
  Replies (70) Good night (6151) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink. http://tfl.nu/2r69
  Replies (21) Good night (4700) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry" (1-864): as in "white"? http://tfl.nu/140y
  Replies (24) Good night (5127) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (21009) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (101) Good night (10336) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write http://tfl.nu/1t11
  Replies (48) Good night (8805) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv http://tfl.nu/5gj0
  Replies (19) Good night (1215) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month. http://tfl.nu/5oap
  Replies (23) Good night (4314) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk
  Replies (54) Good night (1485) Bad night (4524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7557) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (1041) Bad night (5269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said" http://tfl.nu/5y3k
  Replies (39) Good night (2558) Bad night (4920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73368) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
  Replies (24) Good night (6973) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one. http://tfl.nu/ogtf
  Replies (77) Good night (7073) Bad night (1563)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  whose oscar?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone (1-203): whose oscar? (203): the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month. http://tfl.nu/bpyh
  Replies (29) Good night (8710) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6736) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you http://tfl.nu/m0v0
  Replies (31) Good night (7891) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy http://tfl.nu/9kor
  Replies (3) Good night (1366) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour. http://tfl.nu/t7z3
  Replies (23) Good night (501) Bad night (2532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob. http://tfl.nu/q7jj
  Replies (25) Good night (529) Bad night (4216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I don't think brook has ever known best

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I don't think brook has ever known best http://tfl.nu/7v0v
  Replies (18) Good night (2319) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c
  Replies (83) Good night (4522) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!

  (806): View more from Texas

  wasnt one 13?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT! (806): wasnt one 13? http://tfl.nu/mo38
  Replies (58) Good night (866) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/bm31
  Replies (9) Good night (4028) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did http://tfl.nu/f390
  Replies (14) Good night (3717) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity http://tfl.nu/negt
  Replies (1) Good night (1214) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions http://tfl.nu/cic0
  Replies (100) Good night (7080) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (6057) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply. http://tfl.nu/723h
  Replies (20) Good night (5163) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (7129) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I really wanna talk..

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I really wanna talk.. (1-817): if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down http://tfl.nu/qj3j
  Replies (82) Good night (7770) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library. http://tfl.nu/bcrx
  Replies (16) Good night (4325) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative.. http://tfl.nu/iby4
  Replies (10) Good night (777) Bad night (1658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug http://tfl.nu/0t6b
  Replies (25) Good night (3038) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4
  Replies (72) Good night (799) Bad night (8758)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm... http://tfl.nu/bp9a
  Replies (40) Good night (5343) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt