Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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