Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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