My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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