Texts From Last Night · funsizebaby's Favorites

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funsizebaby's Favorites Texts:

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(707): View more from California

Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!

Fav 1 957 419
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(727): View more from Florida

Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.

Fav 2 436 575
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(206): View more from Washington

I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate

Fav 0 429 682
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(406): View more from Montana

So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together

Fav 5 586 574
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore

(508): View more from Massachusetts

it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10

Fav 0 1097 568
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(416): View more from Toronto

Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.

Fav 6 1235 634
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(707): View more from California

I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."

Fav 2 597 871
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(561): View more from Florida

He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."

Fav 5 1210 638
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