Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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