Texts From Last Night

reannalynn's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw. http://tfl.nu/7hkg
  Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries? (1-616): I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex. http://tfl.nu/oahp
  Replies (5) Good night (828) Bad night (188)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I believe they call that patchouli.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Whatever she smells like compost and feathers. (508): I believe they call that patchouli. http://tfl.nu/ql5w
  Replies (7) Good night (468) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be... http://tfl.nu/o9g8
  Replies (9) Good night (1203) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random. http://tfl.nu/wx0e
  Replies (7) Good night (1163) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced. http://tfl.nu/7rns
  Replies (13) Good night (2013) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/35sp
  Replies (11) Good night (1942) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me. http://tfl.nu/g7iq
  Replies (10) Good night (1041) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible http://tfl.nu/x1el
  Replies (8) Good night (4023) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1800) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again.. (973): We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks.. http://tfl.nu/kzt5
  Replies (4) Good night (1475) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/p2v7
  Replies (13) Good night (2955) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny http://tfl.nu/4qb9
  Replies (9) Good night (3784) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5583) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
  Replies (6) Good night (1552) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls. http://tfl.nu/wzfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2729) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant. http://tfl.nu/p9a2
  Replies (10) Good night (513) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently. http://tfl.nu/q1xe
  Replies (1) Good night (900) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up. http://tfl.nu/h6j3
  Replies (10) Good night (383) Bad night (1319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP. http://tfl.nu/nipi
  Replies (11) Good night (2990) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot. http://tfl.nu/caxg
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO http://tfl.nu/dlgw
  Replies (23) Good night (3808) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime? http://tfl.nu/inlq
  Replies (12) Good night (2053) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock. http://tfl.nu/432f
  Replies (9) Good night (1298) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain. http://tfl.nu/kod9
  Replies (8) Good night (1370) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Touche salesman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less. (1-402): Touche salesman. http://tfl.nu/st32
  Replies (2) Good night (987) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa http://tfl.nu/i2pg
  Replies (11) Good night (1434) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever. http://tfl.nu/lrkg
  Replies (7) Good night (2070) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled. http://tfl.nu/ouz2
  Replies (6) Good night (1780) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at http://tfl.nu/rkdn
  Replies (5) Good night (1613) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married.. http://tfl.nu/qc9h
  Replies (14) Good night (648) Bad night (2166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth http://tfl.nu/68yw
  Replies (38) Good night (5241) Bad night (1417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vsf5
  Replies (9) Good night (3439) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (6145) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING http://tfl.nu/vg2h
  Replies (18) Good night (5797) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me http://tfl.nu/k37i
  Replies (8) Good night (3403) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts http://tfl.nu/ee07
  Replies (10) Good night (2335) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1359) Bad night (4020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman. http://tfl.nu/lhzg
  Replies (25) Good night (4914) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hpd0
  Replies (36) Good night (2596) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox. http://tfl.nu/almc
  Replies (18) Good night (1824) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win. http://tfl.nu/e10p
  Replies (45) Good night (1648) Bad night (2890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me (970): Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere http://tfl.nu/25bl
  Replies (12) Good night (2415) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women http://tfl.nu/rghq
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l
  Replies (12) Good night (2095) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm. http://tfl.nu/kbjg
  Replies (12) Good night (1344) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/jwe6
  Replies (8) Good night (938) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight. http://tfl.nu/e9s1
  Replies (5) Good night (1049) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage http://tfl.nu/rn3i
  Replies (8) Good night (2068) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3250) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete. http://tfl.nu/hi8m
  Replies (3) Good night (1204) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. http://tfl.nu/y3t4
  Replies (9) Good night (1141) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up." http://tfl.nu/f0g8
  Replies (3) Good night (1828) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (34) Good night (6793) Bad night (1723)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips. http://tfl.nu/4phy
  Replies (2) Good night (1813) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower. http://tfl.nu/m2lh
  Replies (6) Good night (1780) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina http://tfl.nu/bksp
  Replies (7) Good night (2217) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  He was the one that got away. From my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): He was the one that got away. From my vagina. http://tfl.nu/504c
  Replies (8) Good night (1385) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm
  Replies (26) Good night (4560) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck. http://tfl.nu/zkmt
  Replies (5) Good night (1161) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins. http://tfl.nu/4yq8
  Replies (3) Good night (1585) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues. http://tfl.nu/t5d7
  Replies (20) Good night (2146) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon. http://tfl.nu/php8
  Replies (11) Good night (1806) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (6) Good night (2398) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech. http://tfl.nu/hajp
  Replies (7) Good night (1763) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred. http://tfl.nu/7z2u
  Replies (9) Good night (316) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes. http://tfl.nu/b7x1
  Replies (22) Good night (1302) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines. http://tfl.nu/3y2e
  Replies (22) Good night (2560) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz
  Replies (4) Good night (2611) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo. http://tfl.nu/cdzc
  Replies (17) Good night (1285) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings" http://tfl.nu/7jzd
  Replies (29) Good night (2904) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers http://tfl.nu/7izq
  Replies (31) Good night (5292) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify. http://tfl.nu/zod7
  Replies (6) Good night (4073) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion. http://tfl.nu/luwj
  Replies (9) Good night (2490) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns. http://tfl.nu/v0at
  Replies (5) Good night (1236) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar http://tfl.nu/sljc
  Replies (13) Good night (1236) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2832) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently

  (540): View more from Virginia

  and skipped dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): 3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently (540): and skipped dinner http://tfl.nu/igda
  Replies (22) Good night (1052) Bad night (4423)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own. http://tfl.nu/ehgs
  Replies (4) Good night (2474) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable http://tfl.nu/3me5
  Replies (7) Good night (2995) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know she was great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day (267): I know she was great http://tfl.nu/ms90
  Replies (26) Good night (6732) Bad night (1289)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat' http://tfl.nu/0g9k
  Replies (12) Good night (1267) Bad night (3749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like http://tfl.nu/fep0
  Replies (19) Good night (3205) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle. http://tfl.nu/m2od
  Replies (11) Good night (2157) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick http://tfl.nu/kpxh
  Replies (18) Good night (2921) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket... http://tfl.nu/7x9r
  Replies (4) Good night (1255) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent http://tfl.nu/399q
  Replies (5) Good night (1570) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag http://tfl.nu/a7zv
  Replies (5) Good night (1454) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off http://tfl.nu/nyl9
  Replies (9) Good night (2822) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant. http://tfl.nu/bzfq
  Replies (11) Good night (1397) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa

  (404): View more from Georgia

  sure if you go to prison

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa (404): sure if you go to prison http://tfl.nu/yad5
  Replies (24) Good night (818) Bad night (2729)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride. http://tfl.nu/b4k2
  Replies (79) Good night (2018) Bad night (10851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you? http://tfl.nu/kjun
  Replies (18) Good night (3275) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  that's awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple' (1-603): that's awkward http://tfl.nu/90bf
  Replies (5) Good night (862) Bad night (2287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine http://tfl.nu/h0jd
  Replies (21) Good night (4256) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah
  Replies (31) Good night (5376) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration? http://tfl.nu/14rv
  Replies (13) Good night (582) Bad night (5622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How external is "for external use only"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): How external is "for external use only"? http://tfl.nu/650o
  Replies (16) Good night (649) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing. http://tfl.nu/a6am
  Replies (45) Good night (1248) Bad night (6724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13903) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (22956) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god. http://tfl.nu/4xu8
  Replies (3) Good night (1111) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him http://tfl.nu/fwf2
  Replies (5) Good night (3059) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won http://tfl.nu/hlfr
  Replies (2) Good night (1680) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4622) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay. http://tfl.nu/pwts
  Replies (212) Good night (11975) Bad night (3324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito. http://tfl.nu/qluq
  Replies (8) Good night (3062) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5542) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying. http://tfl.nu/89ja
  Replies (10) Good night (3027) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like. http://tfl.nu/trgq
  Replies (10) Good night (2699) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv
  Replies (44) Good night (8368) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (26) Good night (5907) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to... http://tfl.nu/6wxx
  Replies (8) Good night (464) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma http://tfl.nu/4ovd
  Replies (12) Good night (931) Bad night (1508)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen http://tfl.nu/cr8z
  Replies (5) Good night (1716) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm. http://tfl.nu/vdhu
  Replies (15) Good night (4646) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore.... (774): HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/0qjd
  Replies (4) Good night (1701) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina. http://tfl.nu/fwb5
  Replies (5) Good night (377) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots. http://tfl.nu/feja
  Replies (4) Good night (2851) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7842) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat. http://tfl.nu/bfbd
  Replies (30) Good night (665) Bad night (4143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster? http://tfl.nu/nheu
  Replies (32) Good night (525) Bad night (3975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is. http://tfl.nu/1m0s
  Replies (11) Good night (2097) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (8013) Bad night (3261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  this just has baby written all over it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): this just has baby written all over it http://tfl.nu/ltui
  Replies (6) Good night (500) Bad night (4108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (73) Good night (15853) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker. (1-413): That's effing brilliant. We should start a business. http://tfl.nu/l4ou
  Replies (7) Good night (1779) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you. http://tfl.nu/aegn
  Replies (10) Good night (3078) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one. http://tfl.nu/3uie
  Replies (16) Good night (675) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (2127) Bad night (13599)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Haha, bad night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS. (508): Haha, bad night? http://tfl.nu/huzs
  Replies (144) Good night (1241) Bad night (16537)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (1177) Bad night (17175)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her http://tfl.nu/t8zc
  Replies (90) Good night (2381) Bad night (22893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2234) Bad night (35657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7747) Bad night (48316)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6373) Bad night (79731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26509) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (26536) Bad night (1387)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27346) Bad night (1735)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (27558) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (68) Good night (27435) Bad night (1644)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28857) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (61) Good night (30530) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31291) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31723) Bad night (2855)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (31774) Bad night (2252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33430) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33903) Bad night (3566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38421) Bad night (3077)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38293) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46426) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51580) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51699) Bad night (5694)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51701) Bad night (2735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56850) Bad night (4690)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59135) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62265) Bad night (4269)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168288) Bad night (42166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know. http://tfl.nu/9rsw
  Replies (20) Good night (1498) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless http://tfl.nu/7ms7
  Replies (22) Good night (921) Bad night (5269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (7293) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3964) Bad night (78189)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  youre so sexy i want your bod

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude, did you turn gay?

  (949): View more from California

  heather?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  this is jacob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): youre so sexy i want your bod (410): dude, did you turn gay? (949): heather? (410): this is jacob http://tfl.nu/gn2b
  Replies (14) Good night (957) Bad night (1945)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/zxu8
  Replies (105) Good night (1607) Bad night (1767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me http://tfl.nu/gxh6
  Replies (5) Good night (679) Bad night (2703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?

  (1-509): View more from Washington

  talent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy? (1-509): talent. http://tfl.nu/18h3
  Replies (42) Good night (3439) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it

  (987): View more from

  im ashamed your my cousin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it (987): im ashamed your my cousin http://tfl.nu/oj53
  Replies (15) Good night (960) Bad night (3316)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well. http://tfl.nu/7kjf
  Replies (14) Good night (6071) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): You're perfectly engineered for doggy style http://tfl.nu/minq
  Replies (25) Good night (5495) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (8295) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex

  (949): View more from California

  How do you have pretend sex?

  (805): View more from California

  It was bad...so it was pretend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex (949): How do you have pretend sex? (805): It was bad...so it was pretend http://tfl.nu/3mvm
  Replies (13) Good night (541) Bad night (3751)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (664) Bad night (2034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (101) Good night (10336) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at http://tfl.nu/8c2c
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better. http://tfl.nu/o020
  Replies (21) Good night (5400) Bad night (1675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!

  (818): View more from California

  A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?

  (805): View more from California

  CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT! (818): A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie? (805): CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT http://tfl.nu/znee
  Replies (21) Good night (5309) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts

  (1-631): View more from New York

  Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts (1-631): Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships? http://tfl.nu/5hoq
  Replies (19) Good night (1992) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji http://tfl.nu/f9w1
  Replies (9) Good night (1093) Bad night (2124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy. (703): OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/zfcv
  Replies (1) Good night (1901) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian. http://tfl.nu/g8r4
  Replies (12) Good night (2567) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2509) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (1939) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (3140) Bad night (4138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10808) Bad night (1149)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock. http://tfl.nu/0hid
  Replies (9) Good night (1513) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life? http://tfl.nu/58z3
  Replies (12) Good night (2069) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can't. I will literally throw up my liver (484): Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume. http://tfl.nu/eh54
  Replies (2) Good night (1571) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection. http://tfl.nu/ukok
  Replies (12) Good night (1459) Bad night (3057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6
  Replies (67) Good night (3780) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think? (1-727): I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again. http://tfl.nu/gesf
  Replies (32) Good night (2570) Bad night (4423)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood. http://tfl.nu/8qzi
  Replies (9) Good night (542) Bad night (2224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh. http://tfl.nu/6iss
  Replies (10) Good night (847) Bad night (3703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4833) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head? http://tfl.nu/senf
  Replies (31) Good night (7460) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession? http://tfl.nu/ohzs
  Replies (50) Good night (6153) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (40) Good night (9561) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag
  Replies (6) Good night (981) Bad night (1545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (689) Bad night (6174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9808) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I like my sex mixed with concussions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I like my sex mixed with concussions. http://tfl.nu/qysd
  Replies (6) Good night (1006) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  well you can't waste a boner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): well you can't waste a boner http://tfl.nu/ixi5
  Replies (12) Good night (4789) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME http://tfl.nu/m336
  Replies (18) Good night (2375) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways. http://tfl.nu/b6k4
  Replies (3) Good night (1198) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs. http://tfl.nu/477y
  Replies (12) Good night (2403) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having http://tfl.nu/7a1k
  Replies (7) Good night (1280) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day http://tfl.nu/h5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (2141) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging. http://tfl.nu/hkzz
  Replies (3) Good night (1473) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn. http://tfl.nu/xdjy
  Replies (8) Good night (761) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now. http://tfl.nu/6kpj
  Replies (17) Good night (570) Bad night (1997)