I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
