Texts From Last Night

alyssaammo's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business http://tfl.nu/ujri
  Replies (8) Good night (919) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited

  (951): View more from California

  dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited (951): dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles http://tfl.nu/4z6p
  Replies (7) Good night (1306) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other... http://tfl.nu/529q
  Replies (6) Good night (2164) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze. http://tfl.nu/erxr
  Replies (1) Good night (1951) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him. http://tfl.nu/fzxv
  Replies (2) Good night (1960) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju
  Replies (6) Good night (2123) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m
  Replies (4) Good night (1205) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT? http://tfl.nu/isnk
  Replies (15) Good night (779) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways. http://tfl.nu/b6k4
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again. http://tfl.nu/ptr6
  Replies (26) Good night (2000) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives. http://tfl.nu/x41u
  Replies (6) Good night (1665) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now. http://tfl.nu/nnuj
  Replies (3) Good night (1752) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period? http://tfl.nu/rj9s
  Replies (7) Good night (1242) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex http://tfl.nu/eas7
  Replies (18) Good night (1627) Bad night (1922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina http://tfl.nu/yy9c
  Replies (16) Good night (2148) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wzbc
  Replies (4) Good night (3168) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass. http://tfl.nu/tco3
  Replies (9) Good night (4200) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): From russia with love. But also with chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/1l8f
  Replies (5) Good night (518) Bad night (2060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom. http://tfl.nu/s7cn
  Replies (29) Good night (3518) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (1949) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together http://tfl.nu/677k
  Replies (3) Good night (414) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  sick fucks of a feather flock together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): sick fucks of a feather flock together http://tfl.nu/mkne
  Replies (9) Good night (1962) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake. http://tfl.nu/mhbs
  Replies (14) Good night (1058) Bad night (1646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized http://tfl.nu/ymju
  Replies (7) Good night (1793) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet http://tfl.nu/m2pn
  Replies (3) Good night (1277) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible. http://tfl.nu/t50d
  Replies (10) Good night (1673) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl http://tfl.nu/mt8s
  Replies (7) Good night (1476) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c6qn
  Replies (11) Good night (1461) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied. http://tfl.nu/wnhg
  Replies (13) Good night (4407) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end. http://tfl.nu/o22d
  Replies (17) Good night (496) Bad night (2563)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.

  (1-714): View more from California

  YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you. (1-714): YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES http://tfl.nu/lgqs
  Replies (15) Good night (1962) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ... http://tfl.nu/clq5
  Replies (6) Good night (753) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook http://tfl.nu/xr9p
  Replies (15) Good night (2847) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass. http://tfl.nu/hhxz
  Replies (19) Good night (989) Bad night (2998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them http://tfl.nu/vo2h
  Replies (13) Good night (2445) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch. http://tfl.nu/tp65
  Replies (42) Good night (3643) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay. http://tfl.nu/qj10
  Replies (19) Good night (1055) Bad night (1909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa http://tfl.nu/ld2g
  Replies (7) Good night (1407) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week. http://tfl.nu/4lee
  Replies (5) Good night (2625) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless. http://tfl.nu/cdoe
  Replies (9) Good night (2884) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now? http://tfl.nu/j3p5
  Replies (9) Good night (2100) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3262) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend. (701): The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer. http://tfl.nu/9cgs
  Replies (7) Good night (1998) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now. http://tfl.nu/wmrg
  Replies (7) Good night (1880) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Thanks bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10
  Replies (9) Good night (818) Bad night (1523)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce. http://tfl.nu/gzhr
  Replies (7) Good night (633) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names. http://tfl.nu/wmoo
  Replies (11) Good night (1751) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon! http://tfl.nu/33kf
  Replies (9) Good night (3734) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me.. http://tfl.nu/zeud
  Replies (1) Good night (1804) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process. http://tfl.nu/pl4v
  Replies (14) Good night (679) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1244) Bad night (5220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
  Replies (23) Good night (4810) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight? http://tfl.nu/35kg
  Replies (10) Good night (672) Bad night (2520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What time did you start drinking?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe isn't a time...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): What time did you start drinking? (978): Maybe. (617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5
  Replies (14) Good night (5872) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer. http://tfl.nu/zy1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha http://tfl.nu/j31u
  Replies (7) Good night (2406) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape. http://tfl.nu/srkz
  Replies (2) Good night (1989) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him. (910): Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer. http://tfl.nu/vb0s
  Replies (4) Good night (2053) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned. (720): Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed? (303): my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are http://tfl.nu/22n0
  Replies (9) Good night (3682) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal. http://tfl.nu/tm9u
  Replies (13) Good night (983) Bad night (3235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt. http://tfl.nu/esr9
  Replies (7) Good night (1392) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea. http://tfl.nu/15nf
  Replies (8) Good night (698) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas. http://tfl.nu/cnc6
  Replies (13) Good night (3159) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (41) Good night (7977) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently http://tfl.nu/ky82
  Replies (78) Good night (887) Bad night (3407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms. http://tfl.nu/m17c
  Replies (6) Good night (2897) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/sfkv
  Replies (7) Good night (830) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/kzf1
  Replies (5) Good night (2139) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/scsc
  Replies (14) Good night (2070) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday http://tfl.nu/w3i7
  Replies (8) Good night (2071) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET. http://tfl.nu/2kw0
  Replies (12) Good night (2343) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one. http://tfl.nu/ek2z
  Replies (15) Good night (2898) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery. http://tfl.nu/8vi4
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up. http://tfl.nu/yb0n
  Replies (9) Good night (727) Bad night (1976)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop. http://tfl.nu/tczb
  Replies (17) Good night (3278) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right? http://tfl.nu/zwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (2757) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class? http://tfl.nu/dw55
  Replies (2) Good night (1302) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey" http://tfl.nu/xp9h
  Replies (19) Good night (631) Bad night (2723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer". http://tfl.nu/vh03
  Replies (7) Good night (4232) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this" http://tfl.nu/ckz0
  Replies (6) Good night (1125) Bad night (1768)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly. http://tfl.nu/kesy
  Replies (11) Good night (2278) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function http://tfl.nu/8zfe
  Replies (1) Good night (1336) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/cpyt
  Replies (8) Good night (2169) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose. http://tfl.nu/mchv
  Replies (5) Good night (1330) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

  (415): View more from California

  No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw
  Replies (13) Good night (4393) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!? http://tfl.nu/p185
  Replies (8) Good night (799) Bad night (2108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him. http://tfl.nu/9g1s
  Replies (6) Good night (2901) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them. http://tfl.nu/l1v8
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): do you think she knows her nickname is brickface? http://tfl.nu/y8t9
  Replies (9) Good night (537) Bad night (1546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me. http://tfl.nu/2k2c
  Replies (11) Good night (2397) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others. http://tfl.nu/ph3w
  Replies (6) Good night (1690) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp http://tfl.nu/2fc3
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife. http://tfl.nu/3wb9
  Replies (11) Good night (712) Bad night (2199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower. http://tfl.nu/ajbm
  Replies (11) Good night (2066) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out. http://tfl.nu/7oni
  Replies (15) Good night (2380) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country http://tfl.nu/u6pi
  Replies (27) Good night (4421) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this http://tfl.nu/2qka
  Replies (2) Good night (1296) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin. http://tfl.nu/1p6f
  Replies (16) Good night (793) Bad night (2023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it. http://tfl.nu/6c57
  Replies (1) Good night (2101) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do. http://tfl.nu/w9t3
  Replies (5) Good night (1931) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (706) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you.. http://tfl.nu/9nik
  Replies (11) Good night (1542) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator? http://tfl.nu/5m0o
  Replies (10) Good night (2642) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye. http://tfl.nu/8nzh
  Replies (4) Good night (598) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me. http://tfl.nu/lmi5
  Replies (5) Good night (1530) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  right. well we all have our lows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk. (1-516): right. well we all have our lows. http://tfl.nu/vj3x
  Replies (4) Good night (1018) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup. http://tfl.nu/cqod
  Replies (5) Good night (2283) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha. http://tfl.nu/8wtq
  Replies (13) Good night (3267) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit. http://tfl.nu/7cu4
  Replies (13) Good night (2090) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow. http://tfl.nu/uyrp
  Replies (17) Good night (2467) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/4kdw
  Replies (11) Good night (651) Bad night (2769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm http://tfl.nu/w681
  Replies (2) Good night (1507) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His new job just became new places to have sex at.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His new job just became new places to have sex at. http://tfl.nu/ezs0
  Replies (7) Good night (1635) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea". http://tfl.nu/c66k
  Replies (5) Good night (2143) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't." http://tfl.nu/2qab
  Replies (3) Good night (1727) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE. http://tfl.nu/f0cz
  Replies (9) Good night (1225) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together? http://tfl.nu/40u8
  Replies (6) Good night (441) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums http://tfl.nu/96xk
  Replies (12) Good night (956) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left. http://tfl.nu/d68g
  Replies (24) Good night (3381) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed. http://tfl.nu/br4z
  Replies (7) Good night (2452) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That bitch ruined vodka saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): That bitch ruined vodka saturday http://tfl.nu/2db3
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (1742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone http://tfl.nu/escl
  Replies (6) Good night (1187) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that http://tfl.nu/h45m
  Replies (4) Good night (1581) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/a9rr
  Replies (9) Good night (2642) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war http://tfl.nu/yle2
  Replies (12) Good night (2495) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow! http://tfl.nu/fjak
  Replies (9) Good night (2638) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer

  (1-949): View more from California

  Party on wayne

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer (1-949): Party on wayne http://tfl.nu/qjse
  Replies (9) Good night (2655) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes http://tfl.nu/khy3
  Replies (7) Good night (2172) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child http://tfl.nu/qzf1
  Replies (4) Good night (2701) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain. http://tfl.nu/4t48
  Replies (11) Good night (2256) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill http://tfl.nu/vbjy
  Replies (8) Good night (2541) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies http://tfl.nu/mqvt
  Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it. http://tfl.nu/2dh1
  Replies (2) Good night (1770) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  will barter weed for kareoke machine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): will barter weed for kareoke machine... http://tfl.nu/46ic
  Replies (2) Good night (1226) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday http://tfl.nu/6yij
  Replies (2) Good night (2237) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad? http://tfl.nu/r4ig
  Replies (14) Good night (1185) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice" http://tfl.nu/9e22
  Replies (10) Good night (2606) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption. http://tfl.nu/d2pl
  Replies (6) Good night (1094) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US (+44): Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange. http://tfl.nu/699w
  Replies (2) Good night (1994) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches. http://tfl.nu/n5i2
  Replies (17) Good night (4673) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am. http://tfl.nu/gox1
  Replies (2) Good night (1751) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship http://tfl.nu/l6zt
  Replies (2) Good night (1375) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in. http://tfl.nu/2iri
  Replies (9) Good night (2303) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1820) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown http://tfl.nu/5hg1
  Replies (6) Good night (1944) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player! http://tfl.nu/3jxt
  Replies (8) Good night (3447) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me http://tfl.nu/7cqx
  Replies (5) Good night (2298) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/z4q3
  Replies (7) Good night (1252) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex http://tfl.nu/70co
  Replies (7) Good night (1776) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed. http://tfl.nu/l8l2
  Replies (16) Good night (3633) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything http://tfl.nu/uj6p
  Replies (8) Good night (2222) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister http://tfl.nu/4y4g
  Replies (5) Good night (1986) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation http://tfl.nu/jvhd
  Replies (7) Good night (2159) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w
  Replies (2) Good night (1492) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!" http://tfl.nu/38or
  Replies (10) Good night (2435) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston http://tfl.nu/g2h3
  Replies (3) Good night (1966) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas http://tfl.nu/w87e
  Replies (10) Good night (1544) Bad night (2988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6160) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): 90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you. http://tfl.nu/qiqv
  Replies (6) Good night (1923) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on http://tfl.nu/glb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics. http://tfl.nu/dut8
  Replies (15) Good night (1221) Bad night (2622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards. http://tfl.nu/wgpg
  Replies (2) Good night (1654) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you." http://tfl.nu/wg5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1487) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker. http://tfl.nu/yz4c
  Replies (11) Good night (789) Bad night (1909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.

  (207): View more from Maine

  HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped. (207): HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME. http://tfl.nu/4n05
  Replies (21) Good night (2985) Bad night (1919)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out. http://tfl.nu/s89t
  Replies (9) Good night (3624) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets. http://tfl.nu/exmx
  Replies (10) Good night (2484) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played http://tfl.nu/8t1m
  Replies (7) Good night (1649) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'll always be here to give you immoral support.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'll always be here to give you immoral support. http://tfl.nu/ss89
  Replies (6) Good night (2686) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us. http://tfl.nu/vs1x
  Replies (18) Good night (3394) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me http://tfl.nu/kij5
  Replies (9) Good night (1525) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we need to find an occasion to wear tutus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we need to find an occasion to wear tutus http://tfl.nu/4dk7
  Replies (17) Good night (1816) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies. http://tfl.nu/hoog
  Replies (3) Good night (1917) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/57rh
  Replies (3) Good night (2485) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax. http://tfl.nu/b5v2
  Replies (5) Good night (2474) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion. http://tfl.nu/xb4s
  Replies (7) Good night (1024) Bad night (2349)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED! http://tfl.nu/9ss0
  Replies (5) Good night (1532) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of. http://tfl.nu/16vh
  Replies (23) Good night (4132) Bad night (1488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts. http://tfl.nu/t2zp
  Replies (32) Good night (727) Bad night (7838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed. http://tfl.nu/qdrd
  Replies (29) Good night (1599) Bad night (23655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm http://tfl.nu/30ts
  Replies (3) Good night (1806) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out. http://tfl.nu/k7xk
  Replies (8) Good night (4496) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (667): View more from Maryland

  what customs doesn't know wont hurt them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (667): what customs doesn't know wont hurt them http://tfl.nu/bm46
  Replies (6) Good night (2545) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment http://tfl.nu/jnnd
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic http://tfl.nu/wb2m
  Replies (7) Good night (975) Bad night (1961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that. http://tfl.nu/4zse
  Replies (14) Good night (2755) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8
  Replies (6) Good night (2626) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room.. http://tfl.nu/jg6e
  Replies (2) Good night (730) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0
  Replies (7) Good night (1926) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Breakfast tacos?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Breakfast tacos? (1-832): YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS http://tfl.nu/haxw
  Replies (17) Good night (2810) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something. http://tfl.nu/su0x
  Replies (3) Good night (1038) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT. http://tfl.nu/esfv
  Replies (4) Good night (2583) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/kwv6
  Replies (10) Good night (742) Bad night (2956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple. http://tfl.nu/ta85
  Replies (11) Good night (1387) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me. http://tfl.nu/x5lb
  Replies (3) Good night (1610) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful http://tfl.nu/kqdo
  Replies (11) Good night (2962) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong." http://tfl.nu/mk9e
  Replies (9) Good night (1872) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle. http://tfl.nu/xafh
  Replies (8) Good night (1187) Bad night (1821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1798) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings. http://tfl.nu/mygm
  Replies (6) Good night (1594) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated? http://tfl.nu/6x14
  Replies (15) Good night (809) Bad night (3573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN! http://tfl.nu/o93p
  Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (1524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge. http://tfl.nu/tn6n
  Replies (11) Good night (879) Bad night (2260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts. http://tfl.nu/i0fp
  Replies (14) Good night (3011) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): 4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket http://tfl.nu/mc6u
  Replies (11) Good night (1848) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad http://tfl.nu/g5mj
  Replies (8) Good night (1887) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor. http://tfl.nu/6xcl
  Replies (9) Good night (2040) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her. http://tfl.nu/w26o
  Replies (10) Good night (1984) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you? http://tfl.nu/7h5q
  Replies (4) Good night (787) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  This is going everywhere on the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES (1-505): This is going everywhere on the internet. http://tfl.nu/lcfu
  Replies (8) Good night (2950) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/608m
  Replies (7) Good night (754) Bad night (2747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it. http://tfl.nu/8gdu
  Replies (2) Good night (2720) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit. http://tfl.nu/v64d
  Replies (5) Good night (814) Bad night (2184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard. http://tfl.nu/oj4g
  Replies (5) Good night (2025) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it http://tfl.nu/v02x
  Replies (11) Good night (675) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS http://tfl.nu/8cgs
  Replies (3) Good night (2256) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff
  Replies (14) Good night (2196) Bad night (1698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (34) Good night (6790) Bad night (1722)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2
  Replies (12) Good night (4295) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment. http://tfl.nu/rfmt
  Replies (4) Good night (2110) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake. http://tfl.nu/07i4
  Replies (14) Good night (1568) Bad night (2407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (3872) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke? http://tfl.nu/zzrl
  Replies (7) Good night (1373) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can. http://tfl.nu/e8s7
  Replies (5) Good night (1645) Bad night (1911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions. http://tfl.nu/d3ti
  Replies (10) Good night (2241) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (3947) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded. http://tfl.nu/fg0e
  Replies (6) Good night (5535) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw. http://tfl.nu/4g8m
  Replies (7) Good night (1616) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it? http://tfl.nu/t3fk
  Replies (9) Good night (2010) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life. http://tfl.nu/qfsl
  Replies (5) Good night (3902) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun" http://tfl.nu/d07w
  Replies (16) Good night (3493) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gkpj
  Replies (7) Good night (848) Bad night (2565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you? http://tfl.nu/qnfr
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
  Replies (3) Good night (1604) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward. http://tfl.nu/xwna
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (1635)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (44142) Bad night (1701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51567) Bad night (2261)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51686) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (9982) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar http://tfl.nu/rbaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2530) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets http://tfl.nu/m4mv
  Replies (7) Good night (2118) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her. http://tfl.nu/fi1h
  Replies (33) Good night (1587) Bad night (3996)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket." http://tfl.nu/lw9r
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xpcu
  Replies (8) Good night (2413) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force http://tfl.nu/6fxy
  Replies (4) Good night (2019) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things. http://tfl.nu/uvud
  Replies (4) Good night (3071) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is. http://tfl.nu/ux2h
  Replies (19) Good night (2518) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo... http://tfl.nu/pcov
  Replies (13) Good night (2594) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience. http://tfl.nu/sxy7
  Replies (13) Good night (5670) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast. http://tfl.nu/j7ef
  Replies (14) Good night (4589) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt