I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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