Texts From Last Night

abaum6's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week

  (1-415): View more from California

  I don't deserve you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week (1-415): I don't deserve you. http://tfl.nu/jnri
  Replies (6) Good night (1377) Bad night (79) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice. http://tfl.nu/e14u
  Replies (10) Good night (921) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole http://tfl.nu/3dil
  Replies (7) Good night (2243) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz. http://tfl.nu/u6wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1159) Bad night (191)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pm20
  Replies (16) Good night (1777) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013) http://tfl.nu/5uly
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real. http://tfl.nu/5379
  Replies (10) Good night (2092) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/4yrh
  Replies (2) Good night (1116) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  you have the best friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze (1-512): you have the best friends http://tfl.nu/c4bj
  Replies (4) Good night (2312) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him. http://tfl.nu/d8kc
  Replies (4) Good night (1386) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught. http://tfl.nu/csvp
  Replies (3) Good night (683) Bad night (169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF. http://tfl.nu/pvmt
  Replies (12) Good night (2424) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on. http://tfl.nu/2ncf
  Replies (9) Good night (2751) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality. http://tfl.nu/ox7x
  Replies (2) Good night (793) Bad night (143)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS

  (740): View more from Ohio

  BECAUSE SCIENCE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS (740): BECAUSE SCIENCE http://tfl.nu/5ndo
  Replies (9) Good night (1245) Bad night (182)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation. http://tfl.nu/t4hm
  Replies (4) Good night (1009) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked. http://tfl.nu/4q7m
  Replies (5) Good night (1878) Bad night (204)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants.... http://tfl.nu/17h8
  Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

  (619): View more from California

  I will find you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank. (619): I will find you... http://tfl.nu/dshk
  Replies (16) Good night (2215) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall. http://tfl.nu/ht1g
  Replies (4) Good night (1081) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1412) Bad night (184)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming http://tfl.nu/n2ay
  Replies (5) Good night (892) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid." http://tfl.nu/wv53
  Replies (4) Good night (1598) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/4swv
  Replies (11) Good night (1837) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing. http://tfl.nu/8dgm
  Replies (8) Good night (1741) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED http://tfl.nu/eqdp
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x
  Replies (9) Good night (1904) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes. http://tfl.nu/kd9i
  Replies (6) Good night (569) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride. http://tfl.nu/ugny
  Replies (3) Good night (875) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again http://tfl.nu/6zh5
  Replies (4) Good night (774) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket. http://tfl.nu/amsn
  Replies (4) Good night (1708) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here " http://tfl.nu/afkn
  Replies (8) Good night (2799) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks. http://tfl.nu/6laj
  Replies (4) Good night (1548) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started.. http://tfl.nu/1p0k
  Replies (9) Good night (1172) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun. http://tfl.nu/n89x
  Replies (12) Good night (513) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

  (360): View more from Washington

  1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits. (360): 1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you http://tfl.nu/1254
  Replies (8) Good night (2132) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet http://tfl.nu/hxg9
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES http://tfl.nu/noxs
  Replies (6) Good night (719) Bad night (185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore http://tfl.nu/orke
  Replies (10) Good night (2081) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/u3e4
  Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused. http://tfl.nu/f355
  Replies (7) Good night (1951) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  was it you?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store (203): was it you? (802): ...yes http://tfl.nu/br4h
  Replies (7) Good night (2150) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any http://tfl.nu/tvgl
  Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??" http://tfl.nu/clw8
  Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming. http://tfl.nu/ki11
  Replies (4) Good night (1724) Bad night (139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day. (1-815): Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar. http://tfl.nu/0cqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1154) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment. (603): naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS. http://tfl.nu/yhfs
  Replies (5) Good night (1714) Bad night (208)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed. http://tfl.nu/1l89
  Replies (5) Good night (966) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing http://tfl.nu/cpea
  Replies (9) Good night (1284) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore. (519): Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor. http://tfl.nu/xdad
  Replies (8) Good night (1100) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door? http://tfl.nu/hi0q
  Replies (7) Good night (1716) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night. (703): The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie. http://tfl.nu/hgcg
  Replies (27) Good night (996) Bad night (2534)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up. http://tfl.nu/odda
  Replies (5) Good night (4132) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me. http://tfl.nu/t73s
  Replies (4) Good night (316) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends. http://tfl.nu/0yi1
  Replies (11) Good night (2034) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cjv6
  Replies (11) Good night (3095) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Judging by this purple one they got to second base.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up. (520): Judging by this purple one they got to second base. http://tfl.nu/efot
  Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Woke up in time for my 8:15

  (518): View more from New York

  Good for you I'm impressed

  (561): View more from Florida

  I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Woke up in time for my 8:15 (518): Good for you I'm impressed (561): I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester http://tfl.nu/b7yv
  Replies (2) Good night (760) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Is cereal technically a soup?

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck, I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Is cereal technically a soup? (310): Fuck, I'm high. http://tfl.nu/od51
  Replies (9) Good night (1282) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/ipen
  Replies (9) Good night (2348) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food. http://tfl.nu/oef6
  Replies (11) Good night (889) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?

  (406): View more from Montana

  Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ? (406): Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/y05k
  Replies (6) Good night (1204) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (7631) Bad night (60840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3959) Bad night (78181)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy" http://tfl.nu/3mee
  Replies (2) Good night (1064) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy" http://tfl.nu/w6q2
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want (1+44): brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall http://tfl.nu/0u3p
  Replies (6) Good night (1836) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement. (416): NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada. http://tfl.nu/6stg
  Replies (6) Good night (1316) Bad night (191)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before. http://tfl.nu/kra3
  Replies (11) Good night (3552) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this. http://tfl.nu/dyzt
  Replies (8) Good night (1008) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU. http://tfl.nu/ziqd
  Replies (6) Good night (1353) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!

  (386): View more from Florida

  Gravity is no match for my libido

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work! (386): Gravity is no match for my libido http://tfl.nu/l272
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way. http://tfl.nu/iucx
  Replies (4) Good night (325) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there http://tfl.nu/i0xr
  Replies (4) Good night (601) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea

  (214): View more from Texas

  WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea (214): WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO http://tfl.nu/eu05
  Replies (2) Good night (1537) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount." http://tfl.nu/nxe2
  Replies (5) Good night (2528) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5596) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband. http://tfl.nu/qjl3
  Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i came so hard i kicked through my windshield

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i came so hard i kicked through my windshield http://tfl.nu/sfns
  Replies (8) Good night (2160) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity? http://tfl.nu/jd0w
  Replies (10) Good night (2497) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned. http://tfl.nu/e67l
  Replies (9) Good night (1216) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/8ezs
  Replies (11) Good night (1010) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador http://tfl.nu/015q
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked. http://tfl.nu/mtva
  Replies (4) Good night (2157) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them http://tfl.nu/4k2w
  Replies (5) Good night (1651) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches http://tfl.nu/40rq
  Replies (1) Good night (968) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now. http://tfl.nu/a4rz
  Replies (7) Good night (1083) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I care about my drink far more than her feelings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink (815): I care about my drink far more than her feelings http://tfl.nu/v6if
  Replies (3) Good night (1377) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome. http://tfl.nu/lohz
  Replies (5) Good night (1252) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me http://tfl.nu/p784
  Replies (13) Good night (1435) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/crsc
  Replies (5) Good night (1630) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?

  (925): View more from California

  Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over? (925): Quite the smooth talker. There in 5. http://tfl.nu/ccg0
  Replies (7) Good night (3017) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  8===D

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): 8===D (412): That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me. http://tfl.nu/yh0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1703) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Celebratory bar crawl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends. (1-704): Celebratory bar crawl? http://tfl.nu/s5bh
  Replies (1) Good night (945) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over http://tfl.nu/gegy
  Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear http://tfl.nu/jwyg
  Replies (6) Good night (1370) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly http://tfl.nu/pg5j
  Replies (4) Good night (2198) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud. http://tfl.nu/cdmp
  Replies (5) Good night (2591) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall. http://tfl.nu/00be
  Replies (2) Good night (1072) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  You eat cookies in the shower?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie. (1-608): You eat cookies in the shower? http://tfl.nu/pj2d
  Replies (10) Good night (3098) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome http://tfl.nu/8jcl
  Replies (26) Good night (1945) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. http://tfl.nu/htiz
  Replies (32) Good night (5135) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha http://tfl.nu/i50q
  Replies (8) Good night (1608) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident? http://tfl.nu/46ya
  Replies (16) Good night (3044) Bad night (1850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I stand by it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her" (815): I stand by it. http://tfl.nu/atfq
  Replies (5) Good night (1521) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you. http://tfl.nu/h5o1
  Replies (12) Good night (988) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (+03): View more from

  Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+03): Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here' http://tfl.nu/86hi
  Replies (14) Good night (6383) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough. http://tfl.nu/1lj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1675) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing. http://tfl.nu/lgbm
  Replies (4) Good night (1050) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand http://tfl.nu/1hp7
  Replies (1) Good night (1416) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it http://tfl.nu/bfv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1791) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5420) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic. http://tfl.nu/f2uk
  Replies (9) Good night (511) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real? http://tfl.nu/2sta
  Replies (2) Good night (1538) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why did I wake up by myself then?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach? (1-404): At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place. (404): Why did I wake up by myself then? http://tfl.nu/82c4
  Replies (3) Good night (1270) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times. http://tfl.nu/yq2x
  Replies (15) Good night (1499) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5221) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk
  Replies (12) Good night (6448) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG (1-614): HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS http://tfl.nu/fp5t
  Replies (9) Good night (1437) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat. http://tfl.nu/w7x2
  Replies (8) Good night (994) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time. http://tfl.nu/eicx
  Replies (6) Good night (938) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase http://tfl.nu/ni6z
  Replies (3) Good night (800) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude... http://tfl.nu/qh38
  Replies (8) Good night (1593) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work http://tfl.nu/03ii
  Replies (12) Good night (2165) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety http://tfl.nu/edsh
  Replies (10) Good night (3248) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight. http://tfl.nu/ami0
  Replies (22) Good night (3891) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out http://tfl.nu/lg4i
  Replies (7) Good night (1995) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it? http://tfl.nu/5fmg
  Replies (7) Good night (1488) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor http://tfl.nu/kbco
  Replies (4) Good night (1431) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year. http://tfl.nu/ajj5
  Replies (4) Good night (1118) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (873): View more from

  I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (873): I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in http://tfl.nu/bvll
  Replies (3) Good night (1810) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out. http://tfl.nu/7oni
  Replies (15) Good night (2380) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv. http://tfl.nu/ywog
  Replies (7) Good night (3947) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8521) Bad night (1730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?" (1-416): You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right? http://tfl.nu/2p2l
  Replies (17) Good night (2432) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2903) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water? http://tfl.nu/897n
  Replies (2) Good night (1017) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head. http://tfl.nu/rwbn
  Replies (11) Good night (2479) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done. http://tfl.nu/tk11
  Replies (16) Good night (2618) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight http://tfl.nu/st8j
  Replies (3) Good night (1584) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving! http://tfl.nu/q0d4
  Replies (3) Good night (994) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds. http://tfl.nu/uh0q
  Replies (2) Good night (365) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep http://tfl.nu/y2u2
  Replies (19) Good night (3188) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on http://tfl.nu/zwxm
  Replies (4) Good night (2948) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here http://tfl.nu/rzkr
  Replies (2) Good night (937) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week. http://tfl.nu/6col
  Replies (11) Good night (553) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms. http://tfl.nu/erk3
  Replies (9) Good night (1751) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok? http://tfl.nu/nera
  Replies (19) Good night (4346) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7274) Bad night (55224)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dlw8
  Replies (5) Good night (2226) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning. http://tfl.nu/pfuk
  Replies (6) Good night (1374) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face. http://tfl.nu/c54m
  Replies (5) Good night (2869) Bad night (4046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die. http://tfl.nu/zxmz
  Replies (7) Good night (2321) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  how did operation slutty penguin go?

  (619): View more from California

  pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): how did operation slutty penguin go? (619): pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter http://tfl.nu/uigh
  Replies (6) Good night (2495) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume. http://tfl.nu/nbz2
  Replies (5) Good night (2056) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours. http://tfl.nu/5w5c
  Replies (5) Good night (1520) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited. http://tfl.nu/g03h
  Replies (13) Good night (3652) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests. http://tfl.nu/dptn
  Replies (10) Good night (4066) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night. http://tfl.nu/4efw
  Replies (13) Good night (632) Bad night (1359)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division" http://tfl.nu/egg0
  Replies (2) Good night (1233) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?! http://tfl.nu/21am
  Replies (11) Good night (2199) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl (201): I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl http://tfl.nu/d4hf
  Replies (4) Good night (1063) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5839) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue". http://tfl.nu/bqgp
  Replies (6) Good night (2418) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them. http://tfl.nu/lphx
  Replies (12) Good night (3462) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket. (1-651): It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm. http://tfl.nu/ei3h
  Replies (8) Good night (2182) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me. http://tfl.nu/4pez
  Replies (6) Good night (373) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks. http://tfl.nu/a8rg
  Replies (19) Good night (3662) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night http://tfl.nu/xeqd
  Replies (19) Good night (1747) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI. (1-410): Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return. http://tfl.nu/zi1i
  Replies (10) Good night (745) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid http://tfl.nu/ks5z
  Replies (4) Good night (2109) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process. (1-919): Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/dsex
  Replies (3) Good night (4216) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11574) Bad night (1884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from." http://tfl.nu/4vvg
  Replies (6) Good night (1581) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA. http://tfl.nu/fhl1
  Replies (5) Good night (1011) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?" http://tfl.nu/1kzs
  Replies (9) Good night (2394) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money" http://tfl.nu/7mg6
  Replies (13) Good night (4877) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it. http://tfl.nu/stvk
  Replies (8) Good night (703) Bad night (2484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (867): We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/l33f
  Replies (4) Good night (785) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid http://tfl.nu/n6y8
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head http://tfl.nu/qmtv
  Replies (18) Good night (1205) Bad night (1694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (6154) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (7150) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know..... http://tfl.nu/0xlu
  Replies (13) Good night (2120) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

  (679): View more from Michigan

  I wanted to be a dolphin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it.., (679): I wanted to be a dolphin. http://tfl.nu/th6t
  Replies (10) Good night (4974) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5
  Replies (15) Good night (6708) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag http://tfl.nu/f93g
  Replies (3) Good night (2264) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet? http://tfl.nu/nobj
  Replies (5) Good night (2912) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave http://tfl.nu/wc16
  Replies (6) Good night (3127) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out. http://tfl.nu/60nc
  Replies (12) Good night (1260) Bad night (4252)
• Favorite

  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think he just caught a duck in mid flight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (44): I think he just caught a duck in mid flight http://tfl.nu/qjp2
  Replies (15) Good night (1382) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together. http://tfl.nu/i6go
  Replies (12) Good night (1856) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask http://tfl.nu/sq4u
  Replies (4) Good night (1154) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects http://tfl.nu/c75x
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed. http://tfl.nu/4uwe
  Replies (7) Good night (2392) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th http://tfl.nu/jcqw
  Replies (5) Good night (2540) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/g46j
  Replies (6) Good night (1587) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it... http://tfl.nu/at35
  Replies (6) Good night (1564) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared. http://tfl.nu/zba1
  Replies (9) Good night (2487) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed http://tfl.nu/cmm2
  Replies (16) Good night (680) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor." http://tfl.nu/95x9
  Replies (4) Good night (3015) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm http://tfl.nu/8nyo
  Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything? http://tfl.nu/366l
  Replies (9) Good night (549) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room http://tfl.nu/ree5
  Replies (5) Good night (998) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT. (1-715): PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING. (1-715): I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little. http://tfl.nu/04tj
  Replies (15) Good night (1815) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion http://tfl.nu/7dgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1323) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (878) Bad night (4834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there. http://tfl.nu/4q4i
  Replies (7) Good night (304) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air". http://tfl.nu/l9as
  Replies (4) Good night (1004) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind http://tfl.nu/p8c9
  Replies (9) Good night (1451) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left. http://tfl.nu/2zbc
  Replies (1) Good night (5032) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too. http://tfl.nu/ej6j
  Replies (8) Good night (4550) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up. http://tfl.nu/ztp2
  Replies (14) Good night (8113) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible

  (310): View more from California

  well did you say yes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible (310): well did you say yes? http://tfl.nu/94vg
  Replies (9) Good night (2160) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill http://tfl.nu/bzs5
  Replies (9) Good night (2958) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material. http://tfl.nu/16u9
  Replies (66) Good night (5429) Bad night (2518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for. http://tfl.nu/z644
  Replies (3) Good night (1190) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking. http://tfl.nu/izw9
  Replies (8) Good night (1372) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (738): View more from

  I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (738): I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog. http://tfl.nu/tlok
  Replies (22) Good night (917) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8696) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.. http://tfl.nu/pq67
  Replies (7) Good night (3867) Bad night (1536)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?

  (916): View more from California

  My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am? (916): My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude http://tfl.nu/ko0p
  Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians. (1-850): Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue. http://tfl.nu/hc5m
  Replies (10) Good night (3011) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo
  Replies (9) Good night (2125) Bad night (617)