Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
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