Texts From Last Night

CaptainFroggz's Favorites Texts:

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  (716): View more from New York

  So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.

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  (716): So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building. http://tfl.nu/resy
  Replies (7) Good night (3595) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin

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  (206): i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin http://tfl.nu/oy4z
  Replies (19) Good night (1031) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

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  (856): it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar. http://tfl.nu/5cy5
  Replies (6) Good night (4047) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.

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  (508): Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you. http://tfl.nu/gxjs
  Replies (10) Good night (6154) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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  (815): New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink. http://tfl.nu/5ry5
  Replies (13) Good night (6338) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.

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  (250): By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right. http://tfl.nu/wypb
  Replies (12) Good night (3515) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?

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  (239): Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls? http://tfl.nu/pmwm
  Replies (11) Good night (4948) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.

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  (705): i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding. http://tfl.nu/t3vj
  Replies (6) Good night (5272) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7271) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

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  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
  Replies (7) Good night (808) Bad night (4374) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction

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  (505): i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction http://tfl.nu/hb6q
  Replies (10) Good night (811) Bad night (4334) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow

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  (801): that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow http://tfl.nu/5dzd
  Replies (11) Good night (821) Bad night (3881) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?

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  (919): is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people? http://tfl.nu/ymsz
  Replies (14) Good night (3507) Bad night (1545) Order T-Shirt
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  (+33): View more from France

  how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

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  (+33): how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men? http://tfl.nu/4scz
  Replies (61) Good night (6851) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.

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  (716): i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody. http://tfl.nu/l0aj
  Replies (7) Good night (3179) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.

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  (321): I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident. http://tfl.nu/j6a8
  Replies (6) Good night (4354) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him

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  (508): He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him http://tfl.nu/0v7f
  Replies (4) Good night (5573) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

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  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (25) Good night (14173) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am

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  (973): America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am http://tfl.nu/1gc0
  Replies (8) Good night (6993) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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  (801): Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/ouiw
  Replies (14) Good night (945) Bad night (5317) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

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  (231): OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/ma89
  Replies (80) Good night (2238) Bad night (15202) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

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  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (11453) Bad night (1032)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

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  (814): if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xo3z
  Replies (20) Good night (4990) Bad night (1056)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.

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  (570): do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome. http://tfl.nu/5az6
  Replies (5) Good night (5072) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

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  (803): He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex. http://tfl.nu/kpvm
  Replies (4) Good night (4523) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You're barking up the wrong lesbian.

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  (715): You're barking up the wrong lesbian. http://tfl.nu/4ul9
  Replies (11) Good night (4180) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10823) Bad night (1082)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.

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  (970): I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not. http://tfl.nu/wxss
  Replies (19) Good night (7265) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

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  (432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr
  Replies (20) Good night (9212) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.

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  (905): the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/6bmb
  Replies (28) Good night (5360) Bad night (2336) Order T-Shirt
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

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  (641): she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"... http://tfl.nu/ydyy
  Replies (11) Good night (1073) Bad night (3884) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.

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  (845): Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere. http://tfl.nu/7gle
  Replies (22) Good night (6292) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.

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  (307): The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story (307): The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nooi
  Replies (16) Good night (5834) Bad night (1213)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this is a time for prayers...seriously

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.

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  (973): this is a time for prayers...seriously (1-973): let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen. http://tfl.nu/ovsa
  Replies (22) Good night (4868) Bad night (1223)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks

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  (703): relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks http://tfl.nu/2hg2
  Replies (3) Good night (3819) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.

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  (425): Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me (1-425): Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about. http://tfl.nu/mflc
  Replies (39) Good night (2305) Bad night (4838) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She even gives head with a lisp.

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  (407): She even gives head with a lisp. http://tfl.nu/76cl
  Replies (17) Good night (2099) Bad night (4508) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...

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  (818): Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth... http://tfl.nu/7gxw
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.

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  (606): I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me. (1-606): Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons. http://tfl.nu/drp9
  Replies (4) Good night (4087) Bad night (1148)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

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  (724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0
  Replies (46) Good night (2598) Bad night (13314) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i cant cry in cvs. not again.

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  (803): i cant cry in cvs. not again. http://tfl.nu/7epn
  Replies (8) Good night (846) Bad night (3509) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

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  (757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde
  Replies (4) Good night (2918) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy

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  (678): I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy http://tfl.nu/r472
  Replies (11) Good night (4352) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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  (419): He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry" http://tfl.nu/v0z5
  Replies (5) Good night (2300) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

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  (303): so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name http://tfl.nu/x1lq
  Replies (20) Good night (2325) Bad night (4317) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Found your pants in the mailbox

  (646): View more from New York

  What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

  (516): View more from New York

  I don't know but there's postage on them

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  (516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8
  Replies (36) Good night (5877) Bad night (1037)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

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  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (14) Good night (5044) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

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  (262): He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too. http://tfl.nu/5j5p
  Replies (19) Good night (1451) Bad night (2810) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

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  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (13002) Bad night (990)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.

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  (386): It's like God was speaking to me through a penis. http://tfl.nu/n7ui
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked

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  (417): I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked http://tfl.nu/4oxw
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (7152) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

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  (724): i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here. http://tfl.nu/fq3k
  Replies (5) Good night (1082) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"

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  (813): It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world" http://tfl.nu/15ms
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

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  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5535) Bad night (891)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.

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  (806): That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car. http://tfl.nu/uk3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1839) Bad night (3048) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night

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  (440): It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night http://tfl.nu/ffc5
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YES.

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  (678): NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree (404): YES. http://tfl.nu/chua
  Replies (5) Good night (3564) Bad night (724)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

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  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (997) Bad night (5301) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.

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  (215): we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius. http://tfl.nu/4mg0
  Replies (19) Good night (3966) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

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  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

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  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You said your dick dragged you up the stairs

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  (207): You said your dick dragged you up the stairs http://tfl.nu/g6yn
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.

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  (202): At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us. http://tfl.nu/d8nu
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?

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  (913): high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life? http://tfl.nu/lv3r
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.

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  (401): Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight. http://tfl.nu/rdc4
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

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  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

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  (513): he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden http://tfl.nu/xsqd
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  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

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  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

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  (508): Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass http://tfl.nu/5gce
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

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  (908): Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain. http://tfl.nu/ncmc
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

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  (519): I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position" http://tfl.nu/0g0v
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.

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  (251): You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded. http://tfl.nu/84co
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.

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  (647): there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper. http://tfl.nu/yyzx
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

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  (781): he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness... (413): how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers http://tfl.nu/137y
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

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  (414): a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99... http://tfl.nu/p4eu
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome

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  (708): I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome http://tfl.nu/0ypv
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he asked me to hangout with him...and his son

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  (413): he asked me to hangout with him...and his son http://tfl.nu/p42y
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

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  (954): Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers. http://tfl.nu/re05
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

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  (713): I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more. http://tfl.nu/mxjh
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor

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  (443): i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor http://tfl.nu/enmw
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You know i think she's just using me for sex

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I hate you.

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  (608): You know i think she's just using me for sex (1-608): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/pxkn
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..

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  (610): He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him.. http://tfl.nu/ejw3
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level

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  (256): just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level http://tfl.nu/5gsk
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

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  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

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  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.

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  (202): I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her. http://tfl.nu/d96s
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.

  (415): View more from California

  Why?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.

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  (206): My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now. (415): Why? (206): Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch. http://tfl.nu/7w51
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...

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  (417): He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night... http://tfl.nu/cdml
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  (707): View more from California

  just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.

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  (707): just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved. http://tfl.nu/zste
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.

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  (256): Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you. (228): Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it. http://tfl.nu/6bli
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.

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  (856): I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster. http://tfl.nu/w6xc
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason

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  (304): If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason http://tfl.nu/mpoe
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

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  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.

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  (603): Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college. http://tfl.nu/nve2
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.

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  (717): man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks. http://tfl.nu/cdmu
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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  (931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

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  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

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  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

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  (202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?

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  (610): So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her? http://tfl.nu/wt2f
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.

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  (908): This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/5cs7
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

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  (425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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  (318): I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now http://tfl.nu/xdsb
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

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  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

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  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
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  (365): View more from

  Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine

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  (365): Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine http://tfl.nu/mm7j
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college

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  (778): I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college http://tfl.nu/2nnj
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

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  (610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

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  (702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

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  (540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

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  (203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

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  (816): she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL. http://tfl.nu/ostw
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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  (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties. http://tfl.nu/nmea
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

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  (812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

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  (309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5
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  (432): View more from Texas

  then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.

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  (432): then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going. http://tfl.nu/r8d5
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

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  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
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  (650): View more from California

  Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.

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  (650): Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila. http://tfl.nu/lwvd
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

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  (508): I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money" http://tfl.nu/engr
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.

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  (270): Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience. http://tfl.nu/d64j
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  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why is your signature on my underwear?

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  (419): Why is your signature on my underwear? http://tfl.nu/8itl
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

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  (206): Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive. http://tfl.nu/785o
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..

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  (412): Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends.. http://tfl.nu/z85j
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  (607): View more from New York

  Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

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  (607): Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles http://tfl.nu/47mn
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.

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  (859): I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college. http://tfl.nu/f01w
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
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  (305): View more from Florida

  After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.

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  (305): After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it. http://tfl.nu/d686
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  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

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  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

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  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

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  (414): can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved. http://tfl.nu/t1em
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?

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  (203): If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him? http://tfl.nu/p8ua
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  That's because you are an idiot.

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  (417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot. (1-417): That's because you are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/6gwl
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

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  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

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  (630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

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  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

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  (604): when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/pxku
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

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  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

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  (303): those 9 inches of man changed my life forever. http://tfl.nu/b7ob
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

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  (580): She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny http://tfl.nu/sg6f
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

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  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

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  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.

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  (978): who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name. http://tfl.nu/fmfw
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

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  (604): I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex http://tfl.nu/9dx2
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

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  (803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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  (507): How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation http://tfl.nu/mdo6
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so horny

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

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  (816): I'm so horny (913): I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect http://tfl.nu/ggyh
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  (813): View more from Florida

  We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.

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  (813): We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again. http://tfl.nu/6j6o
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

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  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

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  (301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life

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  (502): just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life http://tfl.nu/8goj
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  (408): View more from California

  You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now

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  (408): You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now http://tfl.nu/y80h
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

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  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
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  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

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  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.

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  (404): Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/cydy
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.

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  (202): on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/q9c2
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?

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  (204): well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/m8p9
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  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

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  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.

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  (253): I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs. http://tfl.nu/cszc
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for

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  (330): My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for http://tfl.nu/h1bq
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

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  (917): I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing. http://tfl.nu/vu1b
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Well it worked

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Not the point

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  (330): The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind (1-330): Well it worked (330): Not the point http://tfl.nu/mxs7
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?

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  (717): RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea? http://tfl.nu/y40i
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  (936): View more from Texas

  She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.

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  (936): She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while. http://tfl.nu/5c77
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.

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  (480): omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house. http://tfl.nu/91p3
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  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

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  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
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  (305): View more from Florida

  its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face

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  (305): its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face http://tfl.nu/dxi4
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

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  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip

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  (609): i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip http://tfl.nu/9463
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

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  (440): So you threw a sword at me last night (419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised. http://tfl.nu/6fwc
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

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  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

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  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.

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  (517): you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs. http://tfl.nu/b4sz
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

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  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
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  (239): View more from Florida

  just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.

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  (239): just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried. http://tfl.nu/7tbj
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
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  (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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  (561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8
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  (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

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  (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

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  (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard http://tfl.nu/54p5
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  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

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  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

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  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
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  (415): View more from California

  Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok

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  (415): Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok http://tfl.nu/rrpn
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.

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  (269): Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos. http://tfl.nu/5wn3
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

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  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

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  (215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk. (610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect. http://tfl.nu/dim5
  Replies (43) Good night (13943) Bad night (836)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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  (706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h
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  (714): View more from California

  Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

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  (714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc
  Replies (44) Good night (21033) Bad night (939)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38532) Bad night (1467)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

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  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

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  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

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  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

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  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
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  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

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  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

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  (303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. http://tfl.nu/xrnk
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

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  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
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  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56837) Bad night (4687)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

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  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (38062) Bad night (1813)