Texts From Last Night · telegirl's Favorites

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telegirl's Favorites Texts:

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny

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(334): View more from Alabama

God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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(646): View more from New York

But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you

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(616): View more from Michigan

sometimes you have to go after what you want

(313): View more from Michigan

true. and i really want to cum

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(718): View more from New York

I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.

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(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

(765): View more from Indiana

Does it come with a cage?

(201): View more from New Jersey

yes. and food and toys.

(765): View more from Indiana

i'll trade you an 8th for it

(201): View more from New Jersey

deal.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he even offered to make my bed in the morning.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

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(323): View more from California

it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway

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(313): View more from Michigan

She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

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(917): View more from New York City

My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...

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(602): View more from Arizona

so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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(573): View more from Missouri

i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

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(251): View more from Alabama

Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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(203): View more from Connecticut

you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

(508): View more from Massachusetts

what was i wearing?

(203): View more from Connecticut

nothing

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(317): View more from Indiana

i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex

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(847): View more from Illinois

He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

like hot dogs and buns.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can

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(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't

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(785): View more from Kansas

i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.

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(650): View more from California

I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my phone cant type all the emotion im having

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(703): View more from Virginia

never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

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(443): View more from Maryland

The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?

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(309): View more from Illinois

Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.

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(716): View more from New York

is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?

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(913): View more from Kansas

sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

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(925): View more from California

Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends

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(206): View more from Washington

Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(806): View more from Texas

Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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(443): View more from Maryland

That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

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(678): View more from Georgia

just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.

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(970): View more from Colorado

let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

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(404): View more from Georgia

hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

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(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

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(216): View more from Ohio

I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.

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(765): View more from Indiana

let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

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(989): View more from Michigan

did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know

(1-989): View more from Michigan

no

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(425): View more from Washington

i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....

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(630): View more from Illinois

She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

And you didn't burst into flames?

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(912): View more from Georgia

He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

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(678): View more from Georgia

At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2

(908): View more from New Jersey

Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

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(330): View more from Ohio

I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left

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(954): View more from Florida

If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

seriously i just wanna be friends

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

pass

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(313): View more from Michigan

I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was

(734): View more from Michigan

you're 26.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did he notice?

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

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(704): View more from North Carolina

My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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(612): View more from Minnesota

from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back

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(708): View more from Illinois

sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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(805): View more from California

Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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(440): View more from Ohio

just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.

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(561): View more from Florida

Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

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(845): View more from New York

even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he looks like a really good dad on facebook

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers

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(904): View more from Florida

I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."

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(970): View more from Colorado

Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

(1-970): View more from Colorado

People still let you watch their kids?

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(914): View more from New York

Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life

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(870): View more from Arkansas

You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on

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(440): View more from Ohio

We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.

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(440): View more from Ohio

i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

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(785): View more from Kansas

He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

(1-785): View more from Kansas

But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

(248): View more from Michigan

If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

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(541): View more from Oregon

i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

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(512): View more from Texas

She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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(914): View more from New York

my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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(440): View more from Ohio

Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I hate having morals and standards the next morning.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

my sombrero is too big for the bathroom

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(366): View more from

just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes

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(415): View more from California

its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead

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(440): View more from Ohio

Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

(1-440): View more from Ohio

because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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(757): View more from Virginia

He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

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(310): View more from California

i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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(303): View more from Colorado

his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

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(520): View more from Arizona

Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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(210): View more from Texas

I just want to hang out with her.

(916): View more from California

You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You might as well just give her the money now.

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(510): View more from California

I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

(1-510): View more from California

It was probably Jesus.

(510): View more from California

I feel like he would have left a message.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you

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(802): View more from Vermont

he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

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(518): View more from New York

She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

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(425): View more from Washington

you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

(206): View more from Washington

youre the best friend ever

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(619): View more from California

The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on

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(708): View more from Illinois

i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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(305): View more from Florida

The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

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(613): View more from Ontario

oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

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(480): View more from Arizona

I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I love boston

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(813): View more from Florida

We shouldn"t be alone together

(606): View more from Kentucky

you didn"t say that yesterday

(813): View more from Florida

you weren't married yesterday

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love

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(239): View more from Florida

I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..

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(301): View more from Maryland

you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.

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(281): View more from Texas

I think about you every night.

(1-281): View more from Texas

I'm sorry.

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(386): View more from Florida

it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

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(586): View more from Michigan

Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.

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(917): View more from New York City

I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.

(518): View more from New York

Huh?

(917): View more from New York City

I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high

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(843): View more from South Carolina

the red head has a bf

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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(440): View more from Ohio

i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth

(330): View more from Ohio

well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth

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(789): View more from

If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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(517): View more from Michigan

dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

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(703): View more from Virginia

im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off

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(910): View more from North Carolina

another moral hangover. fuck.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

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(516): View more from New York

Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.

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(925): View more from California

his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore

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(504): View more from Louisiana

That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

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(802): View more from Vermont

I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha

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(503): View more from Oregon

we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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(540): View more from Virginia

I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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(647): View more from Ontario

it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts

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(310): View more from California

So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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(916): View more from California

He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

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(919): View more from North Carolina

It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.

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(248): View more from Michigan

When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning

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(214): View more from Texas

A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Rock

(630): View more from Illinois

Scissors

(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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(416): View more from Toronto

Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

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(831): View more from California

I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.

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(716): View more from New York

as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

(1-716): View more from New York

momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

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(847): View more from Illinois

You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm watching ellen!

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

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(614): View more from Ohio

This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.

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(912): View more from Georgia

It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

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(961): View more from

I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

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(856): View more from New Jersey

part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

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(651): View more from Minnesota

he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

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(631): View more from New York

life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...

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(561): View more from Florida

I can't believe he would be such an ass

(1-561): View more from Florida

Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

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(716): View more from New York

I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight

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(914): View more from New York

Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great

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(604): View more from British Columbia

She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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(503): View more from Oregon

if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.

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(775): View more from Nevada

This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

(571): View more from Virginia

define virginity.

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(207): View more from Maine

so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

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(703): View more from Virginia

I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

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(847): View more from Illinois

i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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(207): View more from Maine

no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(425): View more from Washington

the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

how much adderall did you take today?

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(310): View more from California

So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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(602): View more from Arizona

my dad is going to jail this weekend

(1-602): View more from Arizona

where are we going to get our weed from?

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

(828): View more from North Carolina

Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

(864): View more from South Carolina

Previous statement retracted.

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(559): View more from California

So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

(1-559): View more from California

That depends on who this is.

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