the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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