Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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