Texts From Last Night

RenotoSB's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up. http://tfl.nu/ll85
  Replies (7) Good night (5627) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well. http://tfl.nu/yavz
  Replies (20) Good night (1649) Bad night (2363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake. http://tfl.nu/cs4d
  Replies (7) Good night (3427) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already http://tfl.nu/5kxb
  Replies (7) Good night (2639) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7834) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting. http://tfl.nu/6icw
  Replies (15) Good night (5511) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless http://tfl.nu/hdeq
  Replies (10) Good night (4295) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night http://tfl.nu/leh0
  Replies (6) Good night (4458) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize http://tfl.nu/86pd
  Replies (10) Good night (3625) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable. http://tfl.nu/afg8
  Replies (10) Good night (4962) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta. http://tfl.nu/1aj3
  Replies (29) Good night (6155) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay http://tfl.nu/145k
  Replies (12) Good night (3827) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night http://tfl.nu/jwrk
  Replies (14) Good night (4318) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow. http://tfl.nu/v829
  Replies (32) Good night (4410) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room http://tfl.nu/xiwe
  Replies (15) Good night (1093) Bad night (3874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official. http://tfl.nu/pkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (5441) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck http://tfl.nu/km3p
  Replies (22) Good night (3498) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15625) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right http://tfl.nu/mx4p
  Replies (18) Good night (1342) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN. http://tfl.nu/m7t2
  Replies (35) Good night (6850) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (14976) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5094) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/9um1
  Replies (10) Good night (1370) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (41) Good night (7994) Bad night (4426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm... http://tfl.nu/v0t6
  Replies (21) Good night (849) Bad night (7439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7609) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part http://tfl.nu/to5h
  Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (3987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (7835) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him? http://tfl.nu/ybyr
  Replies (18) Good night (3566) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/l3zn
  Replies (40) Good night (5219) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me http://tfl.nu/rey7
  Replies (22) Good night (6352) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12385) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down. http://tfl.nu/a74v
  Replies (27) Good night (6936) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night http://tfl.nu/qsqx
  Replies (10) Good night (539) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  grab my backpack.....its in the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): grab my backpack.....its in the fridge http://tfl.nu/prjt
  Replies (19) Good night (7495) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!! http://tfl.nu/1wys
  Replies (9) Good night (5855) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4128) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail" http://tfl.nu/o5gt
  Replies (37) Good night (6142) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (6741) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me http://tfl.nu/0njw
  Replies (8) Good night (768) Bad night (4022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x
  Replies (33) Good night (20216) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (38) Good night (18746) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20429) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19101) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (24300) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (22427) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (22192) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28198) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (27430) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (26806) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (26431) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (26527) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29311) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (155) Good night (30019) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (31244) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (29535) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home http://tfl.nu/32l0
  Replies (53) Good night (26399) Bad night (2228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (27645) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (100) Good night (29416) Bad night (4461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28145) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30380) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (212) Good night (32241) Bad night (1958)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (117) Good night (36145) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (114) Good night (44020) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (36844) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49208) Bad night (5110)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (36478) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (199) Good night (42696) Bad night (3602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (41910) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55353) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48987) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (48558) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41859) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53938) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46880) Bad night (1718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69180) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64495) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76735) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122214) Bad night (2212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107943) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136702) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (11524) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again http://tfl.nu/ofmm
  Replies (37) Good night (7208) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland... http://tfl.nu/taw4
  Replies (9) Good night (5444) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off. http://tfl.nu/cdqo
  Replies (10) Good night (4769) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7781) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9037) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12843) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini. http://tfl.nu/6erh
  Replies (9) Good night (4316) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10183) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9316) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (39) Good night (11794) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head. http://tfl.nu/uhfs
  Replies (7) Good night (4087) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8
  Replies (39) Good night (6005) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (3810) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7272) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (33) Good night (14553) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him. http://tfl.nu/oqtn
  Replies (54) Good night (11798) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (19264) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
  Replies (15) Good night (10309) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (873) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
  Replies (67) Good night (1943) Bad night (5831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5234) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest http://tfl.nu/t023
  Replies (21) Good night (1070) Bad night (5151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka... http://tfl.nu/gnte
  Replies (29) Good night (6702) Bad night (2369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5654) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth http://tfl.nu/7fqn
  Replies (9) Good night (4564) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
  Replies (7) Good night (5008) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up. http://tfl.nu/mktj
  Replies (19) Good night (5696) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie. http://tfl.nu/p0o8
  Replies (25) Good night (4597) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed. http://tfl.nu/bpdu
  Replies (17) Good night (1040) Bad night (4848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7169) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday. http://tfl.nu/an09
  Replies (33) Good night (2108) Bad night (10492)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break. http://tfl.nu/7zwe
  Replies (44) Good night (5830) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone http://tfl.nu/50pu
  Replies (13) Good night (747) Bad night (3751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be http://tfl.nu/upcg
  Replies (8) Good night (4891) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order. http://tfl.nu/zk7q
  Replies (16) Good night (5460) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9523) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to." http://tfl.nu/qnhd
  Replies (16) Good night (1561) Bad night (5251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
  Replies (20) Good night (7176) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8440) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36399) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9308) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I? http://tfl.nu/0o9s
  Replies (5) Good night (650) Bad night (3304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10160) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant??? http://tfl.nu/mp1l
  Replies (53) Good night (7830) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10363) Bad night (2139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (21) Good night (6659) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8172) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9564) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
  Replies (36) Good night (1721) Bad night (6599)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win. http://tfl.nu/dvpb
  Replies (24) Good night (7106) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jd33
  Replies (39) Good night (5291) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6572) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone http://tfl.nu/hza4
  Replies (15) Good night (5046) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class http://tfl.nu/grnd
  Replies (20) Good night (6175) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound. http://tfl.nu/fc6l
  Replies (13) Good night (804) Bad night (6295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17256) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (5758) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles. http://tfl.nu/osg1
  Replies (69) Good night (9146) Bad night (2715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel! http://tfl.nu/ztnc
  Replies (49) Good night (1055) Bad night (4559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me http://tfl.nu/t8we
  Replies (22) Good night (6353) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7837) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list. http://tfl.nu/k33x
  Replies (27) Good night (4653) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa
  Replies (15) Good night (6168) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14714) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17136) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4
  Replies (59) Good night (9850) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
  Replies (41) Good night (5519) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever. http://tfl.nu/jcyn
  Replies (31) Good night (7195) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39425) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  "must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): "must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls. http://tfl.nu/lfhc
  Replies (13) Good night (3121) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6483) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y
  Replies (23) Good night (2907) Bad night (3637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12898) Bad night (4751)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward. http://tfl.nu/juz7
  Replies (17) Good night (6870) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far. http://tfl.nu/t2l0
  Replies (24) Good night (4121) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my period, period, period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex (703): I'm on my period, period, period http://tfl.nu/vsrk
  Replies (72) Good night (1530) Bad night (15139)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there. http://tfl.nu/r47h
  Replies (10) Good night (5558) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb
  Replies (35) Good night (6615) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (100) Good night (10003) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES http://tfl.nu/axvy
  Replies (37) Good night (7739) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q
  Replies (19) Good night (2358) Bad night (6151)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (8673) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

  (909): View more from California

  dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38
  Replies (43) Good night (6593) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :( http://tfl.nu/zxos
  Replies (34) Good night (1975) Bad night (4622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up http://tfl.nu/gsij
  Replies (27) Good night (7205) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5694) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early http://tfl.nu/4ftf
  Replies (62) Good night (6667) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America. http://tfl.nu/b8jy
  Replies (36) Good night (6742) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were. http://tfl.nu/cyr9
  Replies (19) Good night (4524) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14308) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6336) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): 47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over. (1-647): Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead? http://tfl.nu/n8gs
  Replies (57) Good night (864) Bad night (5278)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool. http://tfl.nu/7f4d
  Replies (11) Good night (3502) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed. http://tfl.nu/lx5o
  Replies (20) Good night (5446) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on

  (1-310): View more from California

  I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on (1-310): I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his http://tfl.nu/vdif
  Replies (30) Good night (5245) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6484) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens http://tfl.nu/oucj
  Replies (19) Good night (5369) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66
  Replies (40) Good night (1042) Bad night (5670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week? http://tfl.nu/8ecy
  Replies (22) Good night (6235) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
  Replies (17) Good night (4752) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11409) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy. http://tfl.nu/a2lr
  Replies (72) Good night (878) Bad night (4332) Order T-Shirt