Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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