Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
