Texts From Last Night

Agdistis's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon. http://tfl.nu/nv69
  Replies (15) Good night (1638) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
  Replies (22) Good night (2895) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird. http://tfl.nu/yqaf
  Replies (18) Good night (2286) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted. http://tfl.nu/tphx
  Replies (29) Good night (1046) Bad night (3654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right. http://tfl.nu/g2lt
  Replies (20) Good night (4449) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?... http://tfl.nu/7sdw
  Replies (6) Good night (602) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category. http://tfl.nu/bs6u
  Replies (55) Good night (661) Bad night (11351)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She's just so happy...and so naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She's just so happy...and so naked. http://tfl.nu/5upc
  Replies (3) Good night (2736) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook. http://tfl.nu/7oed
  Replies (54) Good night (18458) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  my sisters under your porch take her home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): my sisters under your porch take her home http://tfl.nu/rfs3
  Replies (10) Good night (4679) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8047) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you were grabbing cocks left and right

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): you were grabbing cocks left and right (808): you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!" http://tfl.nu/iaqo
  Replies (10) Good night (5068) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis

  (757): View more from Virginia

  your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis (757): your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though. http://tfl.nu/xhh4
  Replies (46) Good night (5395) Bad night (1882)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i. http://tfl.nu/z1bk
  Replies (16) Good night (513) Bad night (4120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4775) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do ugly people know they are ugly?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  The quiet ones do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. http://tfl.nu/129a
  Replies (25) Good night (2011) Bad night (2258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles http://tfl.nu/kz93
  Replies (21) Good night (644) Bad night (2815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (29671) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's. http://tfl.nu/1kcz
  Replies (21) Good night (786) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not. http://tfl.nu/y4k4
  Replies (12) Good night (2039) Bad night (5591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets. http://tfl.nu/ksjf
  Replies (10) Good night (752) Bad night (1453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash. http://tfl.nu/b0ts
  Replies (19) Good night (1992) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat. http://tfl.nu/3hhj
  Replies (12) Good night (2344) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t
  Replies (7) Good night (2618) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3273) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ya dads aren't the best wingmen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ya dads aren't the best wingmen http://tfl.nu/uy2v
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked. http://tfl.nu/yes9
  Replies (13) Good night (4968) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
  Replies (17) Good night (840) Bad night (3730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday http://tfl.nu/8jtv
  Replies (11) Good night (1615) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could punch you in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I wish I could punch you in the face. http://tfl.nu/jewc
  Replies (4) Good night (1259) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9
  Replies (13) Good night (4962) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  sick fucks of a feather flock together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): sick fucks of a feather flock together http://tfl.nu/mkne
  Replies (9) Good night (1983) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake. http://tfl.nu/mhbs
  Replies (14) Good night (1071) Bad night (1661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit. http://tfl.nu/3sfk
  Replies (14) Good night (3442) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it. http://tfl.nu/0zar
  Replies (11) Good night (2598) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt http://tfl.nu/y7uz
  Replies (34) Good night (4503) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you? http://tfl.nu/xnnk
  Replies (16) Good night (2278) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead. http://tfl.nu/0qeu
  Replies (11) Good night (4112) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit. http://tfl.nu/8ktk
  Replies (18) Good night (3050) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna http://tfl.nu/isgx
  Replies (7) Good night (1651) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza. http://tfl.nu/ks5u
  Replies (31) Good night (780) Bad night (11484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We need to rekindle our bromance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz
  Replies (48) Good night (8474) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): did you know you can prarie-dog a fart?? http://tfl.nu/q6p3
  Replies (12) Good night (740) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister. http://tfl.nu/9ks8
  Replies (37) Good night (8135) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam. http://tfl.nu/fk8j
  Replies (4) Good night (3413) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward. http://tfl.nu/6j2p
  Replies (13) Good night (812) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways? http://tfl.nu/qqdu
  Replies (12) Good night (4364) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes http://tfl.nu/46zk
  Replies (9) Good night (622) Bad night (2614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5789) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile" http://tfl.nu/3hji
  Replies (10) Good night (543) Bad night (3409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9722) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2649) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I would go down on you faster than GM stock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I would go down on you faster than GM stock http://tfl.nu/ai9f
  Replies (32) Good night (7582) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!! (412): I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten. http://tfl.nu/bqpb
  Replies (13) Good night (3489) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My balls are so social today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My balls are so social today. http://tfl.nu/wyah
  Replies (8) Good night (3982) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman. http://tfl.nu/emjq
  Replies (5) Good night (2662) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE. http://tfl.nu/loe7
  Replies (105) Good night (12914) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
  Replies (39) Good night (3816) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call. http://tfl.nu/xapr
  Replies (15) Good night (4520) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (34) Good night (19531) Bad night (2028)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8421) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
  Replies (27) Good night (8688) Bad night (3179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (35) Good night (8320) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2490) Bad night (5422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (984) Bad night (4697)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6865) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die http://tfl.nu/4ks9
  Replies (18) Good night (1096) Bad night (4748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Little spoons don't ask big questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Little spoons don't ask big questions http://tfl.nu/13tl
  Replies (18) Good night (4256) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted? http://tfl.nu/v1i6
  Replies (11) Good night (1354) Bad night (2957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's only a little bit crosseyed.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He's only a little bit crosseyed. (484): I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much. http://tfl.nu/gez3
  Replies (3) Good night (956) Bad night (2683)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music... http://tfl.nu/dqnk
  Replies (7) Good night (2590) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song. http://tfl.nu/qyok
  Replies (22) Good night (3192) Bad night (3146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate http://tfl.nu/e0yr
  Replies (22) Good night (7541) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma
  Replies (13) Good night (5294) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it http://tfl.nu/s0ms
  Replies (10) Good night (600) Bad night (3268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december. http://tfl.nu/2oxo
  Replies (46) Good night (1905) Bad night (5654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...

  (623): View more from Arizona

  What did she do!?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I didn't tell her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her... (623): What did she do!? (602): I didn't tell her... http://tfl.nu/i351
  Replies (218) Good night (5132) Bad night (24308)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult. http://tfl.nu/q2ig
  Replies (25) Good night (3662) Bad night (2397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?

  (408): View more from California

  oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy? (408): oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no http://tfl.nu/w6ll
  Replies (4) Good night (1055) Bad night (3076)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis. http://tfl.nu/lqrq
  Replies (8) Good night (2196) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts. http://tfl.nu/3wub
  Replies (31) Good night (4074) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup. http://tfl.nu/cqod
  Replies (5) Good night (2288) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years. http://tfl.nu/vthp
  Replies (47) Good night (552) Bad night (7865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
  Replies (5) Good night (675) Bad night (2631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake. http://tfl.nu/l7w3
  Replies (6) Good night (632) Bad night (1550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in. http://tfl.nu/6wlf
  Replies (16) Good night (894) Bad night (1754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/1nok
  Replies (12) Good night (3078) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (12) Good night (6845) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus. http://tfl.nu/e2af
  Replies (9) Good night (4032) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom? http://tfl.nu/6goc
  Replies (35) Good night (890) Bad night (14941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with. http://tfl.nu/tzze
  Replies (36) Good night (13446) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
  Replies (14) Good night (6418) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We shouldn"t be alone together

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  you didn"t say that yesterday

  (813): View more from Florida

  you weren't married yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We shouldn"t be alone together (606): you didn"t say that yesterday (813): you weren't married yesterday http://tfl.nu/oykj
  Replies (41) Good night (1680) Bad night (8838)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (257) Good night (8223) Bad night (2244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was http://tfl.nu/b47l
  Replies (14) Good night (537) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/stcx
  Replies (20) Good night (2601) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (17087) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (6134) Bad night (1900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin! http://tfl.nu/i1tl
  Replies (18) Good night (1389) Bad night (2054)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" http://tfl.nu/6ega
  Replies (59) Good night (7255) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean. http://tfl.nu/p8ix
  Replies (6) Good night (2261) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12394) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf
  Replies (35) Good night (5672) Bad night (8229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (6040) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Sharpest. Poop. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Sharpest. Poop. Ever. http://tfl.nu/efzq
  Replies (39) Good night (937) Bad night (7783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

  (347): View more from New York

  It's not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie (347): It's not http://tfl.nu/v5wf
  Replies (4) Good night (2004) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left. http://tfl.nu/h7ai
  Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8064) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80312) Bad night (4338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
  Replies (44) Good night (1478) Bad night (5125)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building. http://tfl.nu/wz5k
  Replies (6) Good night (1337) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qvgk
  Replies (142) Good night (2119) Bad night (49825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12584) Bad night (1330)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot. http://tfl.nu/l939
  Replies (63) Good night (672) Bad night (8168)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2528) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her. http://tfl.nu/d96s
  Replies (15) Good night (2848) Bad night (5538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1456) Bad night (9383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past. http://tfl.nu/8nfc
  Replies (3) Good night (1353) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/9062
  Replies (12) Good night (4088) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese. http://tfl.nu/t7g1
  Replies (22) Good night (2749) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want. http://tfl.nu/gyya
  Replies (10) Good night (1837) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night. (703): The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie. http://tfl.nu/hgcg
  Replies (27) Good night (1008) Bad night (2547)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw http://tfl.nu/yk6h
  Replies (11) Good night (818) Bad night (1776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  strike, motherfucker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em. (423): strike, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/ain2
  Replies (4) Good night (2029) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster? http://tfl.nu/pms2
  Replies (6) Good night (3058) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (6826) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate http://tfl.nu/k1eh
  Replies (3) Good night (2401) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave? http://tfl.nu/yd5g
  Replies (4) Good night (2708) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public? http://tfl.nu/9yr1
  Replies (33) Good night (1468) Bad night (4481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid? http://tfl.nu/ldlo
  Replies (28) Good night (600) Bad night (4613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  dude i'm inner monologue high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): dude i'm inner monologue high http://tfl.nu/4ebt
  Replies (21) Good night (4103) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better. http://tfl.nu/j6r0
  Replies (17) Good night (921) Bad night (4807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6807) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/7bl9
  Replies (7) Good night (976) Bad night (2498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/pwvs
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her. http://tfl.nu/ywpc
  Replies (23) Good night (787) Bad night (2956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway. http://tfl.nu/bxvu
  Replies (8) Good night (2350) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): What are you doing and how can I add sex in there http://tfl.nu/rphe
  Replies (5) Good night (2863) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+66): Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees. http://tfl.nu/3h4e
  Replies (10) Good night (2117) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is. http://tfl.nu/wd98
  Replies (2) Good night (1018) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though. http://tfl.nu/88hx
  Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (5847) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem. http://tfl.nu/jbpn
  Replies (9) Good night (2093) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka... http://tfl.nu/gnte
  Replies (29) Good night (6942) Bad night (2544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore http://tfl.nu/r45j
  Replies (14) Good night (2655) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3172) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1184) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i? http://tfl.nu/asxg
  Replies (5) Good night (1613) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame.. http://tfl.nu/q158
  Replies (3) Good night (1043) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning? (770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle http://tfl.nu/6kcj
  Replies (32) Good night (3375) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex

  (949): View more from California

  How do you have pretend sex?

  (805): View more from California

  It was bad...so it was pretend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex (949): How do you have pretend sex? (805): It was bad...so it was pretend http://tfl.nu/3mvm
  Replies (13) Good night (546) Bad night (3758)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (10469) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions. http://tfl.nu/avse
  Replies (7) Good night (1235) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole http://tfl.nu/tpm5
  Replies (27) Good night (557) Bad night (6568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6611) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass. http://tfl.nu/mz6y
  Replies (8) Good night (864) Bad night (2195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (17720) Bad night (2545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out. http://tfl.nu/k7xk
  Replies (8) Good night (4511) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/i9c0
  Replies (22) Good night (3194) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina. http://tfl.nu/mdvg
  Replies (81) Good night (645) Bad night (9585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6
  Replies (50) Good night (10325) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair. http://tfl.nu/f22e
  Replies (12) Good night (601) Bad night (3829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (2147) Bad night (13624)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Houston.. we have a drinking problem..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Houston.. we have a drinking problem.. http://tfl.nu/fbwf
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x
  Replies (16) Good night (4540) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop. http://tfl.nu/x1i9
  Replies (12) Good night (5231) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93625) Bad night (4626)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (5018) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/ez3t
  Replies (24) Good night (3985) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  just survived the first fart of the relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): just survived the first fart of the relationship. http://tfl.nu/r3p3
  Replies (15) Good night (3876) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night http://tfl.nu/y3ii
  Replies (45) Good night (3519) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby". http://tfl.nu/v0w5
  Replies (14) Good night (4095) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  you dont

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples (1-732): you dont (732): i dont http://tfl.nu/v78w
  Replies (7) Good night (4584) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college http://tfl.nu/6h6z
  Replies (30) Good night (8789) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  yet...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug. (732): Needless to say there is no second date for this girl. (862): yet... http://tfl.nu/och4
  Replies (44) Good night (774) Bad night (6064)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Good luck man

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  I dont need it. Shes easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Good luck man (1-514): I dont need it. Shes easy. http://tfl.nu/vh2g
  Replies (8) Good night (1853) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (10051) Bad night (1438)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course. http://tfl.nu/636t
  Replies (17) Good night (3516) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13222) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b. http://tfl.nu/5vrv
  Replies (6) Good night (916) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar http://tfl.nu/o7a0
  Replies (13) Good night (3789) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38385) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46520) Bad night (2048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51673) Bad night (2295)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (51393) Bad night (3163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59281) Bad night (7160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65503) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168559) Bad night (42240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Was he satisfied?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No, and very vocal about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home (647): Was he satisfied? (416): No, and very vocal about it. http://tfl.nu/h3jb
  Replies (8) Good night (2395) Bad night (682)