This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Send us your Text From Last Night!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
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