but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
