apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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