I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im so drunk with asians
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
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