does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
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