Texts From Last Night

FredlyDaMoose's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT. http://tfl.nu/hmpm
  Replies (7) Good night (873) Bad night (127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!' http://tfl.nu/6btj
  Replies (5) Good night (1131) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on. http://tfl.nu/1jft
  Replies (10) Good night (1235) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light. http://tfl.nu/6mx3
  Replies (10) Good night (2315) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke. http://tfl.nu/f19p
  Replies (18) Good night (2753) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I come from her. Holy hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now" (404): I come from her. Holy hell. http://tfl.nu/sgm7
  Replies (13) Good night (2904) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4543) Bad night (79600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4825) Bad night (101289)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed. http://tfl.nu/ptzk
  Replies (12) Good night (1850) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off. http://tfl.nu/m48w
  Replies (7) Good night (2401) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out http://tfl.nu/mgiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1255) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you. http://tfl.nu/j63g
  Replies (12) Good night (861) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all. http://tfl.nu/if2m
  Replies (9) Good night (2077) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot. http://tfl.nu/64ct
  Replies (14) Good night (2271) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state. http://tfl.nu/9dzb
  Replies (6) Good night (2517) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it .. http://tfl.nu/xli3
  Replies (11) Good night (2677) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Love me.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just for one nugget?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03
  Replies (6) Good night (2593) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  crossed #23 off the Slucket List!

  (1-925): View more from California

  YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): crossed #23 off the Slucket List! (1-925): YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING. http://tfl.nu/ln8o
  Replies (6) Good night (2520) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on. http://tfl.nu/zmme
  Replies (17) Good night (3412) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine... http://tfl.nu/hixx
  Replies (12) Good night (3674) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend http://tfl.nu/ehpb
  Replies (13) Good night (4398) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now? http://tfl.nu/uqqo
  Replies (8) Good night (594) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/6yo0
  Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you? http://tfl.nu/1gun
  Replies (14) Good night (888) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was like giving head to a cactus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): It was like giving head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/0gn3
  Replies (14) Good night (383) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nope that was a dude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Alls I remember is making out with that chick. (612): Nope that was a dude http://tfl.nu/9vd8
  Replies (16) Good night (999) Bad night (2228)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1602) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN http://tfl.nu/tdjl
  Replies (10) Good night (1811) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  I thought I could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!' (1-623): I thought I could. http://tfl.nu/l4oh
  Replies (4) Good night (2891) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!

  (503): View more from Oregon

  ... That's a shower caddy.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever! (503): ... That's a shower caddy. (541): I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation. http://tfl.nu/svbx
  Replies (11) Good night (3105) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (37) Good night (25081) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (67) Good night (25471) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25740) Bad night (4386)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (25780) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26477) Bad night (2256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33430) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (79) Good night (37763) Bad night (1570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38293) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (194) Good night (38123) Bad night (1492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38321) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46426) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (110) Good night (45985) Bad night (2486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73392) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80198) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (7636) Bad night (60851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3910) Bad night (62201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Dude. Her vagina is a blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Dude. Her vagina is a blender. http://tfl.nu/0shv
  Replies (19) Good night (451) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He said it. He actually said "yes it's in". http://tfl.nu/w699
  Replies (7) Good night (503) Bad night (2005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax. http://tfl.nu/o693
  Replies (11) Good night (365) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom http://tfl.nu/kne6
  Replies (14) Good night (438) Bad night (2191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View. http://tfl.nu/be63
  Replies (12) Good night (717) Bad night (2334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex?? http://tfl.nu/i4wa
  Replies (17) Good night (618) Bad night (2160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now http://tfl.nu/dal2
  Replies (15) Good night (436) Bad night (2440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood http://tfl.nu/fo50
  Replies (17) Good night (379) Bad night (2528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well for starters, her tits were hairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Well for starters, her tits were hairy. http://tfl.nu/wo8e
  Replies (26) Good night (372) Bad night (3063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm http://tfl.nu/bhwz
  Replies (9) Good night (463) Bad night (3248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny http://tfl.nu/4qb9
  Replies (9) Good night (3784) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!" http://tfl.nu/5ib0
  Replies (19) Good night (3482) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO http://tfl.nu/dlgw
  Replies (23) Good night (3808) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
  Replies (19) Good night (4083) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
  Replies (26) Good night (4635) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/9heo
  Replies (12) Good night (1702) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now http://tfl.nu/86ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1771) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (88): View more from

  As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (88): As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice. http://tfl.nu/ji6g
  Replies (10) Good night (1810) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass. http://tfl.nu/vr1h
  Replies (12) Good night (2683) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha http://tfl.nu/1j7y
  Replies (10) Good night (2833) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Her only article of clothing is an American Flag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Her only article of clothing is an American Flag http://tfl.nu/tlj8
  Replies (5) Good night (1766) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point http://tfl.nu/73b4
  Replies (15) Good night (561) Bad night (2129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that. http://tfl.nu/2gzq
  Replies (15) Good night (356) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room. http://tfl.nu/s5zk
  Replies (4) Good night (1383) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  All you need to know is that isn't jizz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): All you need to know is that isn't jizz http://tfl.nu/nxjk
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well. http://tfl.nu/1g4h
  Replies (4) Good night (308) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS http://tfl.nu/z5cf
  Replies (4) Good night (747) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville http://tfl.nu/bgwo
  Replies (9) Good night (1225) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/lj8p
  Replies (8) Good night (1548) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help. http://tfl.nu/0nf6
  Replies (5) Good night (340) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/n8th
  Replies (7) Good night (1889) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Peanut butter balls.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Peanut butter balls. (1-206): IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD http://tfl.nu/s2fd
  Replies (10) Good night (554) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night. http://tfl.nu/etjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period http://tfl.nu/lfle
  Replies (8) Good night (2099) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I need a burrito and a hug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I need a burrito and a hug. http://tfl.nu/ezdk
  Replies (12) Good night (1212) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong. http://tfl.nu/gho7
  Replies (7) Good night (1013) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool. http://tfl.nu/yku5
  Replies (16) Good night (413) Bad night (2623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl. http://tfl.nu/065k
  Replies (13) Good night (1252) Bad night (2476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Who the fuck is this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake (1-561): Who the fuck is this http://tfl.nu/nqou
  Replies (13) Good night (4539) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door. http://tfl.nu/79gl
  Replies (17) Good night (2637) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like? (859): i already know. Delicious. Use ranch. http://tfl.nu/w6yr
  Replies (19) Good night (3532) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well. http://tfl.nu/39wu
  Replies (20) Good night (7390) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?" http://tfl.nu/78br
  Replies (12) Good night (501) Bad night (1868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student. http://tfl.nu/q9kq
  Replies (9) Good night (2152) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered http://tfl.nu/ct7k
  Replies (13) Good night (1289) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24086) Bad night (1575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25467) Bad night (1343)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (61) Good night (26591) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no. http://tfl.nu/7lbb
  Replies (10) Good night (2450) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high? http://tfl.nu/4i2m
  Replies (23) Good night (2673) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy http://tfl.nu/v4pi
  Replies (24) Good night (947) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong." http://tfl.nu/mk9e
  Replies (9) Good night (1872) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle. http://tfl.nu/ldbf
  Replies (11) Good night (2038) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21337) Bad night (2982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22301) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do
  Replies (40) Good night (20982) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me. http://tfl.nu/euxr
  Replies (66) Good night (1216) Bad night (23922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2303) Bad night (24099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...

  (623): View more from Arizona

  What did she do!?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I didn't tell her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her... (623): What did she do!? (602): I didn't tell her... http://tfl.nu/i351
  Replies (218) Good night (5115) Bad night (24280)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!! http://tfl.nu/b8q7
  Replies (46) Good night (1121) Bad night (25743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (180) Good night (1956) Bad night (28237)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (120) Good night (4307) Bad night (35619)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  you didnt know i had herpes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): you didnt know i had herpes? http://tfl.nu/e6ph
  Replies (104) Good night (1397) Bad night (37495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6373) Bad night (79731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (120) Good night (1494) Bad night (45250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (378) Good night (1926) Bad night (53585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7276) Bad night (55233)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet. http://tfl.nu/ytjh
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful. http://tfl.nu/p1yf
  Replies (3) Good night (668) Bad night (2573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL http://tfl.nu/gjdn
  Replies (15) Good night (974) Bad night (3592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (19) Good night (4889) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer http://tfl.nu/0sxh
  Replies (5) Good night (1411) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar http://tfl.nu/rbaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2531) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25355) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26880) Bad night (4294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (26242) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27838) Bad night (1804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (27346) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29878) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30104) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (30897) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33903) Bad night (3566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37114) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (28721) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31483) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (31350) Bad night (1748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (85) Good night (38119) Bad night (1623)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40140) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (82) Good night (39583) Bad night (1945)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (144) Good night (39910) Bad night (1314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43798) Bad night (4566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46603) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj
  Replies (50) Good night (47534) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44957) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51527) Bad night (1870)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51701) Bad night (2735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (77) Good night (51910) Bad night (2025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54033) Bad night (4404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72066) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85907) Bad night (3079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142168) Bad night (9314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3762) Bad night (17776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): period poops. best. ever. (925): omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that... http://tfl.nu/lwj4
  Replies (144) Good night (1719) Bad night (19135)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower http://tfl.nu/n59j
  Replies (43) Good night (1182) Bad night (19565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!! http://tfl.nu/qcph
  Replies (42) Good night (937) Bad night (20005)
• Favorite

  (560): View more from

  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time? http://tfl.nu/wzlt
  Replies (71) Good night (1053) Bad night (21327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO! http://tfl.nu/43s5
  Replies (99) Good night (913) Bad night (22195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (131) Good night (8268) Bad night (23698)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed. http://tfl.nu/qdrd
  Replies (29) Good night (1600) Bad night (23659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her... http://tfl.nu/xju0
  Replies (79) Good night (2031) Bad night (28256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. http://tfl.nu/mbm9
  Replies (210) Good night (4712) Bad night (28469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2454) Bad night (35332)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168288) Bad night (42165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7747) Bad night (48316)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4055) Bad night (68267)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (203) Good night (40011) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (43944) Bad night (1997)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43623) Bad night (1465)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (44157) Bad night (1704) Order T-Shirt