I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
