Texts From Last Night

milklizard's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9332) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is. http://tfl.nu/56s9
  Replies (83) Good night (9336) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9347) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9367) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk http://tfl.nu/o6oo
  Replies (63) Good night (9331) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9386) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9364) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/q2qd
  Replies (22) Good night (9384) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  can your parents tell?

  (310): View more from California

  i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5
  Replies (26) Good night (9443) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9461) Bad night (1161)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9455) Bad night (1645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!? http://tfl.nu/85fy
  Replies (18) Good night (9446) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles. http://tfl.nu/osg1
  Replies (69) Good night (9430) Bad night (2927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9472) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9443) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9433) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9503) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so no drinking for you?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  don't be silly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party (423): so no drinking for you? (615): don't be silly http://tfl.nu/xiol
  Replies (50) Good night (9443) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2
  Replies (25) Good night (9447) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (78) Good night (9471) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (46) Good night (9529) Bad night (1269)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you come get me at the bar

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ill be there in 10 min

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can we stop off at build a bear on the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): can you come get me at the bar (301): ill be there in 10 min (570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home http://tfl.nu/der9
  Replies (37) Good night (9486) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9490) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9519) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk http://tfl.nu/d8b4
  Replies (75) Good night (9455) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9521) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card. http://tfl.nu/6ciy
  Replies (40) Good night (9528) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (40) Good night (9586) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9535) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9525) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9586) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass. http://tfl.nu/mex7
  Replies (12) Good night (9524) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq
  Replies (33) Good night (9549) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9562) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9604) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (9636) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9587) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9622) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9630) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9701) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again. http://tfl.nu/a40p
  Replies (35) Good night (9650) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9635) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (16) Good night (9655) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9709) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock" http://tfl.nu/tlon
  Replies (53) Good night (9626) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome http://tfl.nu/01jd
  Replies (36) Good night (9624) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song http://tfl.nu/2x4f
  Replies (25) Good night (9656) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9721) Bad night (1537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9671) Bad night (2172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9660) Bad night (2089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9705) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9704) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9787) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9721) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. http://tfl.nu/9j3y
  Replies (83) Good night (9682) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9666) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall... http://tfl.nu/myki
  Replies (18) Good night (9761) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7 http://tfl.nu/z3hr
  Replies (47) Good night (9689) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success. http://tfl.nu/z2ja
  Replies (21) Good night (9701) Bad night (1595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9704) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9765) Bad night (1400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9765) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9828) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year? http://tfl.nu/9o4d
  Replies (58) Good night (9771) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome. http://tfl.nu/9kjh
  Replies (27) Good night (9769) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9920) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (10020) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9854) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9842) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9922) Bad night (1089)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9878) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (24) Good night (9901) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe. http://tfl.nu/ztj4
  Replies (42) Good night (9864) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/ox60
  Replies (72) Good night (9937) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9950) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9956) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

  (831): View more from California

  Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g
  Replies (43) Good night (9947) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): im in his phone as 'great ass to tap' http://tfl.nu/xhkl
  Replies (26) Good night (9880) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing. http://tfl.nu/x35s
  Replies (51) Good night (10126) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (25) Good night (9989) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (10051) Bad night (1437)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (10186) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (10017) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (10059) Bad night (1320)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10086) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make http://tfl.nu/gmr8
  Replies (60) Good night (10038) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (10055) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch? http://tfl.nu/y5pd
  Replies (17) Good night (10093) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (10136) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (10173) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10220) Bad night (1363)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (10165) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on http://tfl.nu/bnty
  Replies (17) Good night (10175) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (10186) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (10212) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (39) Good night (10257) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (10402) Bad night (1382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10352) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (10259) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (10312) Bad night (1948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (10383) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (10467) Bad night (1315)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10449) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10471) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7
  Replies (62) Good night (10447) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum
  Replies (36) Good night (10513) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10547) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10561) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon?? http://tfl.nu/c1fp
  Replies (33) Good night (10543) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS http://tfl.nu/w0yg
  Replies (34) Good night (10617) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10551) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (63) Good night (10577) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (10729) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese. http://tfl.nu/65in
  Replies (29) Good night (10605) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What's going on tomorrow?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nothing, it's Wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Let's make jello shots for tomorrow (1-913): What's going on tomorrow? (913): Nothing, it's Wednesday http://tfl.nu/pnp1
  Replies (29) Good night (10655) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  therell be strippers and coke right?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  no strippers. just coke.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i hate this fuckin recession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): therell be strippers and coke right? (703): no strippers. just coke. (202): i hate this fuckin recession http://tfl.nu/1tv9
  Replies (22) Good night (10697) Bad night (2542)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10760) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10844) Bad night (2192)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4
  Replies (64) Good night (10893) Bad night (1762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10953) Bad night (1167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10950) Bad night (1548)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik
  Replies (94) Good night (10959) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (11052) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (11110) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (11186) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11226) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm watching ellen!

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I'm watching ellen! (1-615): just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show http://tfl.nu/chlu
  Replies (12) Good night (11210) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know. http://tfl.nu/71w6
  Replies (25) Good night (11212) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11474) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11371) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (11399) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1
  Replies (23) Good night (11460) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11400) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?

  (516): View more from New York

  you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain? (516): you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food." http://tfl.nu/33sl
  Replies (67) Good night (11438) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall http://tfl.nu/krc7
  Replies (43) Good night (11461) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (40) Good night (11547) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (11709) Bad night (1634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  didn't stop?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  naw, they were rude, not me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family. (1-773): didn't stop? (773): naw, they were rude, not me. http://tfl.nu/wggq
  Replies (32) Good night (11536) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11550) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11632) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11599) Bad night (1904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11667) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11615) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
  Replies (25) Good night (11644) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp
  Replies (35) Good night (11628) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
  Replies (39) Good night (11709) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11754) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y
  Replies (74) Good night (11683) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (39) Good night (11823) Bad night (1436)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11800) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11921) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11817) Bad night (3351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11833) Bad night (2725)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (11896) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8
  Replies (25) Good night (11927) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11905) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (12016) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (12019) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower. http://tfl.nu/yzkb
  Replies (44) Good night (12001) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked http://tfl.nu/nh0r
  Replies (67) Good night (12075) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (12173) Bad night (1559)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house http://tfl.nu/qme2
  Replies (11) Good night (12048) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm
  Replies (60) Good night (12196) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even? http://tfl.nu/nzpq
  Replies (52) Good night (12169) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (12265) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12295) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (12333) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12394) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12342) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (12388) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu
  Replies (32) Good night (12530) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this. http://tfl.nu/o1x8
  Replies (52) Good night (12495) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12608) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12698) Bad night (2189) Order T-Shirt