Texts From Last Night

MDettling's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (3998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1358) Bad night (4019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7685) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (12151) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (9867) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8767) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10180) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (22) Good night (14671) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (11291) Bad night (2364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
  Replies (16) Good night (7035) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (17669) Bad night (2534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (2180) Bad night (7716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6658) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (9192) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal http://tfl.nu/x7fc
  Replies (19) Good night (5914) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)

  (708): View more from Illinois

  WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :) (708): WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE http://tfl.nu/vm9y
  Replies (9) Good night (5961) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed. http://tfl.nu/zkjg
  Replies (21) Good night (4425) Bad night (1956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (9614) Bad night (2081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch (636): Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving? (573): IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation http://tfl.nu/yr3e
  Replies (29) Good night (6889) Bad night (2109)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4995) Bad night (3297)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10681) Bad night (1194)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver. http://tfl.nu/132c
  Replies (21) Good night (5970) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much. http://tfl.nu/ucje
  Replies (7) Good night (1398) Bad night (5573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer. http://tfl.nu/rq7c
  Replies (3) Good night (3510) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3595) Bad night (8913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (24) Good night (11374) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  all hypothetical of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all? (317): all hypothetical of course http://tfl.nu/v0tg
  Replies (14) Good night (5370) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the worst part is we had a camera rolling

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to watch that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the worst part is we had a camera rolling (267): Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys? (215): Yes. (267): I have to watch that. http://tfl.nu/u325
  Replies (30) Good night (5195) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (13347) Bad night (1966)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37102) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (81) Good night (2500) Bad night (8008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool

  (386): View more from Florida

  It could be our claim to fame

  (904): View more from Florida

  Done. I'll pack a cooler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool (386): It could be our claim to fame (904): Done. I'll pack a cooler. http://tfl.nu/te4d
  Replies (10) Good night (3544) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
  Replies (21) Good night (1007) Bad night (5339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/0z3w
  Replies (15) Good night (4332) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx
  Replies (18) Good night (7775) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first. http://tfl.nu/qnn2
  Replies (11) Good night (1196) Bad night (5411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

  (1-650): View more from California

  did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet. (1-650): did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one? http://tfl.nu/1hzw
  Replies (24) Good night (8031) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover. http://tfl.nu/82ke
  Replies (19) Good night (1375) Bad night (4606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33415) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (7262) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
  Replies (16) Good night (6393) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (11129) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16331) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work. http://tfl.nu/fle5
  Replies (15) Good night (6231) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum. http://tfl.nu/8vy8
  Replies (13) Good night (4828) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable. http://tfl.nu/q51j
  Replies (31) Good night (6708) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0
  Replies (11) Good night (4703) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5732) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear... http://tfl.nu/9by5
  Replies (19) Good night (4329) Bad night (1833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33892) Bad night (3564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to http://tfl.nu/kp09
  Replies (14) Good night (4201) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4702) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for http://tfl.nu/2pon
  Replies (16) Good night (5117) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5693) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out.. http://tfl.nu/o5dk
  Replies (19) Good night (5505) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4766) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3
  Replies (18) Good night (1545) Bad night (4799)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11958) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers http://tfl.nu/g3p7
  Replies (25) Good night (6622) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one.. http://tfl.nu/0qqy
  Replies (9) Good night (4114) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (6240) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (25445) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1400) Bad night (3837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5710) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1533) Bad night (5221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer. http://tfl.nu/kiay
  Replies (10) Good night (5020) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
  Replies (12) Good night (6841) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb http://tfl.nu/rxp6
  Replies (16) Good night (3675) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln
  Replies (23) Good night (5579) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer... http://tfl.nu/lulm
  Replies (8) Good night (7194) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok. http://tfl.nu/sac8
  Replies (15) Good night (1731) Bad night (4412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right? http://tfl.nu/n56d
  Replies (10) Good night (4393) Bad night (1523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3401) Bad night (12190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (2196) Bad night (7960)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8
  Replies (14) Good night (4960) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/ux4f
  Replies (58) Good night (1406) Bad night (9527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (6244) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (19) Good night (7046) Bad night (1377)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right? http://tfl.nu/ljg3
  Replies (13) Good night (976) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake. http://tfl.nu/g05l
  Replies (13) Good night (10688) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job. http://tfl.nu/i6fk
  Replies (33) Good night (4364) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8991) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school. http://tfl.nu/ym74
  Replies (7) Good night (7437) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace http://tfl.nu/tutd
  Replies (10) Good night (1414) Bad night (4262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again. http://tfl.nu/9jrz
  Replies (18) Good night (7227) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0
  Replies (17) Good night (8446) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (12173) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (47) Good night (9620) Bad night (1921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later. http://tfl.nu/bq2x
  Replies (14) Good night (7099) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm. http://tfl.nu/xqmo
  Replies (19) Good night (6533) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4433) Bad night (7239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7839) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6878) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (7001) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (7591) Bad night (1844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men. http://tfl.nu/lrdt
  Replies (22) Good night (1708) Bad night (3415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome. http://tfl.nu/a48x
  Replies (32) Good night (8771) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (62) Good night (13047) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (6231) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter. http://tfl.nu/xztf
  Replies (33) Good night (1890) Bad night (5434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (9120) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying. http://tfl.nu/gcnz
  Replies (12) Good night (888) Bad night (5242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore. http://tfl.nu/ecds
  Replies (35) Good night (2314) Bad night (4819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/v8g0
  Replies (14) Good night (5622) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5778) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (7167) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg
  Replies (20) Good night (2479) Bad night (4972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10600) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17801) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8395) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico http://tfl.nu/934w
  Replies (18) Good night (7161) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity. http://tfl.nu/th3j
  Replies (24) Good night (7200) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7507) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  well he's currently spooning the coffee table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): well he's currently spooning the coffee table http://tfl.nu/7khb
  Replies (6) Good night (4054) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup. http://tfl.nu/qouj
  Replies (20) Good night (6583) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (16) Good night (7078) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (5100) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (3152) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15142) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future. http://tfl.nu/04uk
  Replies (31) Good night (1613) Bad night (6335)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal http://tfl.nu/c4vg
  Replies (21) Good night (7907) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came

  (323): View more from California

  i love that song!

  (818): View more from California

  NOT THE POINT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came (323): i love that song! (818): NOT THE POINT http://tfl.nu/7i6t
  Replies (19) Good night (7291) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8604) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys. http://tfl.nu/a4t1
  Replies (28) Good night (1048) Bad night (5625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7516) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you http://tfl.nu/jsw9
  Replies (22) Good night (5155) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name. http://tfl.nu/d1cf
  Replies (12) Good night (1150) Bad night (4406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that. http://tfl.nu/f05r
  Replies (7) Good night (1254) Bad night (5304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist. http://tfl.nu/hmuv
  Replies (37) Good night (8120) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8
  Replies (39) Good night (6235) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar? http://tfl.nu/t8an
  Replies (16) Good night (1361) Bad night (5155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25354) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (105) Good night (22622) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23408) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29862) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (23630) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40125) Bad night (1529)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. http://tfl.nu/xrnk
  Replies (162) Good night (31634) Bad night (1852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51682) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43614) Bad night (1461)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44948) Bad night (3380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54019) Bad night (4399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66703) Bad night (2995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64830) Bad night (2520)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80177) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86442) Bad night (7096)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90212) Bad night (3865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16420) Bad night (2034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9516) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8970) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!? http://tfl.nu/85fy
  Replies (18) Good night (9422) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (10236) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha
  Replies (41) Good night (8875) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (10149) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you. http://tfl.nu/6q4j
  Replies (14) Good night (9124) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (10220) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (9222) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10647) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (10258) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9641) Bad night (2070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9824) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What's going on tomorrow?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nothing, it's Wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Let's make jello shots for tomorrow (1-913): What's going on tomorrow? (913): Nothing, it's Wednesday http://tfl.nu/pnp1
  Replies (29) Good night (10639) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12868) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11854) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16956) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
  Replies (17) Good night (12402) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (18482) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20172) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38280) Bad night (1721)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168241) Bad night (42150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39851) Bad night (1917)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51227) Bad night (2584) Order T-Shirt