So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
