Texts From Last Night

Caitlin1022's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree. http://tfl.nu/fej1
  Replies (15) Good night (3299) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb
  Replies (8) Good night (3337) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely http://tfl.nu/qwih
  Replies (7) Good night (2763) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much. http://tfl.nu/45kg
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (1958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7323) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ. http://tfl.nu/rtl1
  Replies (25) Good night (9297) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5702) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech. http://tfl.nu/9arc
  Replies (8) Good night (4831) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (8795) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive. http://tfl.nu/za3k
  Replies (7) Good night (3114) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (3002) Bad night (9715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade. http://tfl.nu/xjtk
  Replies (6) Good night (4311) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (6112) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob http://tfl.nu/xjl4
  Replies (24) Good night (4582) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas. http://tfl.nu/s25p
  Replies (8) Good night (769) Bad night (3094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s
  Replies (17) Good night (4484) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pavi
  Replies (16) Good night (1766) Bad night (3917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator. http://tfl.nu/tdtw
  Replies (18) Good night (4571) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy. http://tfl.nu/0avy
  Replies (34) Good night (2652) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6698) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair? http://tfl.nu/daid
  Replies (32) Good night (10587) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids http://tfl.nu/b5v5
  Replies (25) Good night (9846) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5234) Bad night (2428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me http://tfl.nu/684j
  Replies (9) Good night (2268) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing. http://tfl.nu/j7tr
  Replies (11) Good night (5652) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (6905) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter. http://tfl.nu/o453
  Replies (16) Good night (6729) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Mattress luging...It's a long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Mattress luging...It's a long story. http://tfl.nu/0tlk
  Replies (5) Good night (3138) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4240) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it. http://tfl.nu/9xxm
  Replies (8) Good night (2691) Bad night (1529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fy1k
  Replies (8) Good night (2814) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up. http://tfl.nu/ll85
  Replies (7) Good night (5861) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon http://tfl.nu/5ghl
  Replies (23) Good night (7358) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I. http://tfl.nu/orkf
  Replies (37) Good night (8265) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night. http://tfl.nu/91du
  Replies (49) Good night (7618) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together. http://tfl.nu/1f9e
  Replies (2) Good night (2852) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's only a little bit crosseyed.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He's only a little bit crosseyed. (484): I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much. http://tfl.nu/gez3
  Replies (3) Good night (945) Bad night (2675)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3284) Bad night (5059)
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+66): A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure http://tfl.nu/u013
  Replies (24) Good night (6607) Bad night (1544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner. http://tfl.nu/w2xi
  Replies (12) Good night (3202) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5769) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (25) Good night (14173) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (11453) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10823) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction http://tfl.nu/hb6q
  Replies (10) Good night (811) Bad night (4334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark http://tfl.nu/xtgk
  Replies (4) Good night (2858) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake" http://tfl.nu/m7yz
  Replies (12) Good night (3075) Bad night (1420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (5876) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this. http://tfl.nu/uew9
  Replies (12) Good night (3737) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5996) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry. http://tfl.nu/qm28
  Replies (9) Good night (4606) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4222) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I? (1-425): you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time http://tfl.nu/bm15
  Replies (5) Good night (4538) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd
  Replies (15) Good night (4334) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane? http://tfl.nu/zikg
  Replies (11) Good night (3306) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (4720) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury http://tfl.nu/7ksy
  Replies (17) Good night (5298) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (38) Good night (1853) Bad night (9755)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me http://tfl.nu/rfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (3247) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp
  Replies (15) Good night (2037) Bad night (4274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (11499) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we http://tfl.nu/wm4n
  Replies (11) Good night (3723) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/f3x3
  Replies (7) Good night (4162) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (13) Good night (5943) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7
  Replies (14) Good night (6848) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20505) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us.. http://tfl.nu/3ryz
  Replies (11) Good night (4671) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes http://tfl.nu/11ee
  Replies (13) Good night (1935) Bad night (2843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  story of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were? (224): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/syxz
  Replies (15) Good night (2470) Bad night (3992)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/s6gu
  Replies (17) Good night (4698) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext http://tfl.nu/49np
  Replies (22) Good night (6197) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5859) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (5909) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year http://tfl.nu/jq5i
  Replies (23) Good night (5795) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know http://tfl.nu/tf12
  Replies (14) Good night (7061) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (8098) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  What a fucking waste of an outfit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): What a fucking waste of an outfit http://tfl.nu/q0u1
  Replies (8) Good night (417) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her http://tfl.nu/saue
  Replies (21) Good night (4801) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Tell her she's as useless as a condom. http://tfl.nu/5gza
  Replies (37) Good night (941) Bad night (2387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it http://tfl.nu/rn2p
  Replies (9) Good night (916) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16110) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (8669) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
  Replies (24) Good night (6913) Bad night (1942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3630) Bad night (2311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up http://tfl.nu/zf6y
  Replies (27) Good night (920) Bad night (4566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (5041) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts? http://tfl.nu/w182
  Replies (21) Good night (8705) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came http://tfl.nu/do8g
  Replies (40) Good night (2550) Bad night (6437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6923) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer. http://tfl.nu/ok9n
  Replies (16) Good night (4493) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days. http://tfl.nu/3yem
  Replies (18) Good night (7212) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls http://tfl.nu/n5en
  Replies (13) Good night (6859) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): those 9 inches of man changed my life forever. http://tfl.nu/b7ob
  Replies (18) Good night (7641) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics http://tfl.nu/sgxc
  Replies (9) Good night (4093) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11198) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school http://tfl.nu/yqnn
  Replies (27) Good night (5110) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me... http://tfl.nu/3wpt
  Replies (18) Good night (1270) Bad night (6454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex http://tfl.nu/9dx2
  Replies (17) Good night (5546) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed http://tfl.nu/tu27
  Replies (26) Good night (4616) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
  Replies (44) Good night (7436) Bad night (1934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me http://tfl.nu/xbef
  Replies (2) Good night (1644) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???" http://tfl.nu/nk2u
  Replies (12) Good night (927) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now http://tfl.nu/1wl1
  Replies (29) Good night (5118) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation http://tfl.nu/mdo6
  Replies (29) Good night (1712) Bad night (5908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9563) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too. http://tfl.nu/itca
  Replies (15) Good night (4063) Bad night (2226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's http://tfl.nu/bgm4
  Replies (35) Good night (1134) Bad night (4672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser. http://tfl.nu/y4fk
  Replies (16) Good night (5602) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (9065) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism. http://tfl.nu/fmul
  Replies (15) Good night (5689) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3239) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance http://tfl.nu/bc1t
  Replies (21) Good night (3363) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding http://tfl.nu/pa6f
  Replies (21) Good night (6877) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off. http://tfl.nu/xf2g
  Replies (10) Good night (4055) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (11195) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all. http://tfl.nu/c3dm
  Replies (16) Good night (5904) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7730) Bad night (1810)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high. http://tfl.nu/wyb4
  Replies (15) Good night (4885) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51567) Bad night (2261)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out. http://tfl.nu/5n9v
  Replies (37) Good night (787) Bad night (6235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16201) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (83) Good night (1611) Bad night (9847)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers. http://tfl.nu/cp6l
  Replies (31) Good night (5625) Bad night (1723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed. http://tfl.nu/cedv
  Replies (101) Good night (9660) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad. http://tfl.nu/60es
  Replies (16) Good night (1461) Bad night (5524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  :)

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wipe that smile off your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): :) (443): Wipe that smile off your face. http://tfl.nu/iqow
  Replies (28) Good night (6026) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless. http://tfl.nu/tw3i
  Replies (141) Good night (2302) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me http://tfl.nu/miwp
  Replies (26) Good night (5992) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing http://tfl.nu/lc8m
  Replies (75) Good night (5374) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch http://tfl.nu/nq1q
  Replies (12) Good night (3001) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (39) Good night (8198) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8150) Bad night (1435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping http://tfl.nu/vxfh
  Replies (24) Good night (5326) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12588) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life. http://tfl.nu/huxl
  Replies (168) Good night (5739) Bad night (6574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk. http://tfl.nu/289e
  Replies (12) Good night (4602) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs http://tfl.nu/0f09
  Replies (20) Good night (11266) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task. http://tfl.nu/hv7g
  Replies (30) Good night (5989) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (5146) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38531) Bad night (1466)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods." http://tfl.nu/7kxl
  Replies (17) Good night (744) Bad night (2862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;) http://tfl.nu/s5za
  Replies (14) Good night (2312) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation http://tfl.nu/knkc
  Replies (12) Good night (2308) Bad night (3057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2218) Bad night (9966)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  What are you drinking?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): What are you drinking? (404): Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL http://tfl.nu/iqly
  Replies (54) Good night (1447) Bad night (2502)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (6197) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54915) Bad night (6417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1224) Bad night (4684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all. http://tfl.nu/2iln
  Replies (125) Good night (14981) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore. http://tfl.nu/n30o
  Replies (18) Good night (4526) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head http://tfl.nu/6xrq
  Replies (141) Good night (2111) Bad night (4845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated http://tfl.nu/7pju
  Replies (10) Good night (1284) Bad night (4859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4441) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo. http://tfl.nu/ey2b
  Replies (3) Good night (4535) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11339) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9419) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (3189) Bad night (6577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles. http://tfl.nu/osg1
  Replies (69) Good night (9414) Bad night (2914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (11248) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
  Replies (95) Good night (21072) Bad night (1259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (16538) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80182) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen" http://tfl.nu/7vz2
  Replies (14) Good night (5618) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (46) Good night (20357) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
  Replies (17) Good night (3175) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt