oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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