The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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