jacqgoff's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wanted to see November 5, 1985

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima (832): I wanted to see November 5, 1985 http://tfl.nu/o133
  Replies (19) Good night (3999) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me. http://tfl.nu/zadb
  Replies (11) Good night (4018) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window. http://tfl.nu/e2g8
  Replies (14) Good night (4011) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with. http://tfl.nu/8rek
  Replies (43) Good night (4675) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): At least my shower head will respect me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/vri5
  Replies (32) Good night (4730) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!! http://tfl.nu/9t2j
  Replies (60) Good night (6161) Bad night (1619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (6206) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies. http://tfl.nu/mtcu
  Replies (50) Good night (6575) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write http://tfl.nu/1t11
  Replies (48) Good night (8805) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3571) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first. http://tfl.nu/xh2t
  Replies (18) Good night (4469) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest? (1-601): yes (601): did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me? http://tfl.nu/1ahx
  Replies (13) Good night (4742) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water. http://tfl.nu/8w2r
  Replies (42) Good night (4833) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART (601): Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know. http://tfl.nu/j9ff
  Replies (49) Good night (5324) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have http://tfl.nu/3y2p
  Replies (14) Good night (5117) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5348) Bad night (2224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (6056) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow? http://tfl.nu/vvua
  Replies (124) Good night (6205) Bad night (2223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win. http://tfl.nu/cl0o
  Replies (67) Good night (6673) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... http://tfl.nu/v1vf
  Replies (33) Good night (6887) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa http://tfl.nu/lg9x
  Replies (33) Good night (7492) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things http://tfl.nu/w4id
  Replies (39) Good night (15311) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd
  Replies (28) Good night (5190) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows. http://tfl.nu/pp93
  Replies (15) Good night (6728) Bad night (1796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. http://tfl.nu/jn1k
  Replies (30) Good night (6395) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life http://tfl.nu/kko9
  Replies (21) Good night (6537) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need? http://tfl.nu/pqn5
  Replies (27) Good night (7006) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird? http://tfl.nu/yuh6
  Replies (67) Good night (7757) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7856) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed. http://tfl.nu/4z6k
  Replies (26) Good night (8376) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud? http://tfl.nu/6q2n
  Replies (30) Good night (8946) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (10246) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31285) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  what day is it and did you see me today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): what day is it and did you see me today? http://tfl.nu/sgc7
  Replies (7) Good night (6063) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever http://tfl.nu/h34v
  Replies (30) Good night (6061) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9483) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9339) Bad night (1574)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me
  Replies (55) Good night (10255) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it. http://tfl.nu/o4vn
  Replies (7) Good night (3592) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (12941) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us http://tfl.nu/tf5l
  Replies (4) Good night (3317) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself. http://tfl.nu/wwab
  Replies (45) Good night (834) Bad night (7088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1280) Bad night (5272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (8887) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty? http://tfl.nu/lq5o
  Replies (42) Good night (1093) Bad night (2432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank. http://tfl.nu/t4i5
  Replies (12) Good night (3458) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (5838) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7295) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (2180) Bad night (7717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota http://tfl.nu/qqt8
  Replies (67) Good night (1849) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie. http://tfl.nu/bxsq
  Replies (45) Good night (5461) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.' http://tfl.nu/1grt
  Replies (22) Good night (2140) Bad night (4345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa

  (281): View more from Texas

  what did you steal

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa (281): what did you steal (832): frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list. http://tfl.nu/gckp
  Replies (10) Good night (2070) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally. http://tfl.nu/2rgg
  Replies (12) Good night (2500) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone http://tfl.nu/qe9x
  Replies (13) Good night (3054) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome. http://tfl.nu/dlc1
  Replies (23) Good night (4649) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you come get me at the bar

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ill be there in 10 min

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can we stop off at build a bear on the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): can you come get me at the bar (301): ill be there in 10 min (570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home http://tfl.nu/der9
  Replies (37) Good night (9477) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/qrpo
  Replies (11) Good night (4486) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/152p
  Replies (9) Good night (2281) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking, http://tfl.nu/jftc
  Replies (6) Good night (3299) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07
  Replies (15) Good night (5857) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): how does Santa get into Hogwarts? http://tfl.nu/z515
  Replies (48) Good night (5872) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I heard you threw up in your lap?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I heard that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I heard you threw up in your lap? (1-541): I heard that too. http://tfl.nu/s86w
  Replies (9) Good night (1503) Bad night (3543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (1166) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping. http://tfl.nu/hx4w
  Replies (12) Good night (4401) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1213) Bad night (6779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (8880) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo
  Replies (11) Good night (1146) Bad night (4518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants. http://tfl.nu/1aet
  Replies (6) Good night (1208) Bad night (2216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/ddwb
  Replies (30) Good night (4597) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now. http://tfl.nu/38zc
  Replies (19) Good night (6771) Bad night (1276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (11195) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving http://tfl.nu/e1pp
  Replies (13) Good night (4578) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me. http://tfl.nu/heot
  Replies (14) Good night (888) Bad night (4438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil... http://tfl.nu/iyla
  Replies (24) Good night (4661) Bad night (1853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night. http://tfl.nu/kc82
  Replies (6) Good night (3604) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6731) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (5064) Bad night (2320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1427) Bad night (5792)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46589) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt" http://tfl.nu/7s1k
  Replies (21) Good night (3725) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie http://tfl.nu/vbyw
  Replies (36) Good night (5992) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  fuck your aforementioned shoe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): fuck your aforementioned shoe http://tfl.nu/6ubu
  Replies (27) Good night (4400) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7517) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  dont u have athletes foot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings (1-214): dont u have athletes foot? http://tfl.nu/a028
  Replies (27) Good night (1070) Bad night (5553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wish facebook had a fuck off button.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I wish facebook had a fuck off button. http://tfl.nu/0iiv
  Replies (34) Good night (10387) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9
  Replies (25) Good night (1141) Bad night (6540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (5020) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song. http://tfl.nu/sv6u
  Replies (28) Good night (1062) Bad night (5599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8226) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today http://tfl.nu/mtu3
  Replies (17) Good night (1043) Bad night (9204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited (1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope http://tfl.nu/jd28
  Replies (93) Good night (1313) Bad night (7291)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51568) Bad night (2261)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right? http://tfl.nu/xt5v
  Replies (38) Good night (5053) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?

  (806): View more from Texas

  i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him? (806): i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem. http://tfl.nu/wekp
  Replies (13) Good night (4524) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d1jb
  Replies (9) Good night (807) Bad night (2932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1652) Bad night (10302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  tonight lets celebrate not being married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): tonight lets celebrate not being married http://tfl.nu/u5lc
  Replies (19) Good night (6817) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome. http://tfl.nu/msec
  Replies (10) Good night (4360) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it... http://tfl.nu/2lrl
  Replies (9) Good night (500) Bad night (3614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face" http://tfl.nu/zv08
  Replies (18) Good night (1007) Bad night (5537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16 http://tfl.nu/jkrb
  Replies (16) Good night (4983) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  38 yer olds are good kisserssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): 38 yer olds are good kisserssss http://tfl.nu/i4pg
  Replies (55) Good night (1479) Bad night (2553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

  (661): View more from California

  Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED. (661): Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand. http://tfl.nu/omij
  Replies (16) Good night (3465) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore. http://tfl.nu/nmw7
  Replies (7) Good night (3073) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (54) Good night (9633) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4441) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet http://tfl.nu/kl5a
  Replies (23) Good night (3584) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much http://tfl.nu/5lxi
  Replies (7) Good night (2348) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition. http://tfl.nu/d2b2
  Replies (20) Good night (2358) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  so now she's a stripper

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  can't say i'm surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): so now she's a stripper (1-281): can't say i'm surprised http://tfl.nu/r749
  Replies (7) Good night (2000) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5555) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2815) Bad night (4679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it http://tfl.nu/v9kx
  Replies (9) Good night (4020) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4760) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (3010) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4650) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/uv7z
  Replies (6) Good night (3263) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (48) Good night (22069) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college. http://tfl.nu/9ey3
  Replies (9) Good night (3949) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (48) Good night (9296) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12664) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15 http://tfl.nu/mt2n
  Replies (33) Good night (7432) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/6xcw
  Replies (15) Good night (6408) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (11248) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (3119) Bad night (1363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake. http://tfl.nu/8hx0
  Replies (17) Good night (1045) Bad night (3720)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (94) Good night (7824) Bad night (1523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut http://tfl.nu/kqx7
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (3231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (6030) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way http://tfl.nu/xf3z
  Replies (9) Good night (1351) Bad night (3229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay. http://tfl.nu/4bqn
  Replies (12) Good night (1535) Bad night (4376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification. http://tfl.nu/d300
  Replies (12) Good night (5937) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (58) Good night (1481) Bad night (14347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis. http://tfl.nu/bygw
  Replies (14) Good night (1206) Bad night (5442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind. http://tfl.nu/yydb
  Replies (23) Good night (4849) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move http://tfl.nu/qn14
  Replies (10) Good night (994) Bad night (3164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5640) Bad night (2256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (16140) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5490) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido" http://tfl.nu/7omt
  Replies (27) Good night (1517) Bad night (4498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (38) Good night (21298) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face... http://tfl.nu/9q5v
  Replies (16) Good night (566) Bad night (2441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

  (661): View more from California

  Truer words have never been spoken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship. (661): Truer words have never been spoken. http://tfl.nu/p042
  Replies (21) Good night (5150) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle. http://tfl.nu/l8mr
  Replies (16) Good night (4683) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck. http://tfl.nu/we3a
  Replies (21) Good night (3676) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta http://tfl.nu/2wvh
  Replies (21) Good night (4380) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium http://tfl.nu/wa3w
  Replies (20) Good night (5154) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (11343) Bad night (2895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids

  (979): View more from Texas

  Ahaha, good shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids (979): Ahaha, good shit http://tfl.nu/p3kk
  Replies (14) Good night (3326) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/ox60
  Replies (72) Good night (9921) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food. http://tfl.nu/9e1d
  Replies (13) Good night (1125) Bad night (2999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies. http://tfl.nu/xdyr
  Replies (27) Good night (658) Bad night (5441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (14908) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out. http://tfl.nu/6suh
  Replies (169) Good night (1777) Bad night (20344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better. http://tfl.nu/ybcl
  Replies (8) Good night (3925) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4
  Replies (64) Good night (10874) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas?? http://tfl.nu/74h0
  Replies (59) Good night (1892) Bad night (3123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15100) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

  (253): View more from Washington

  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp
  Replies (21) Good night (1012) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
  Replies (39) Good night (5987) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone http://tfl.nu/50pu
  Replies (13) Good night (884) Bad night (3896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (665) Bad night (3318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer... http://tfl.nu/85fe
  Replies (22) Good night (3509) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo http://tfl.nu/ot2w
  Replies (41) Good night (5572) Bad night (1537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand. http://tfl.nu/h0pi
  Replies (27) Good night (778) Bad night (5786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs
  Replies (9) Good night (5260) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno. http://tfl.nu/xrvd
  Replies (28) Good night (5617) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other http://tfl.nu/yidf
  Replies (19) Good night (2393) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16333) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5340) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels. http://tfl.nu/rynp
  Replies (10) Good night (5199) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way. http://tfl.nu/vl3g
  Replies (3) Good night (615) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it http://tfl.nu/iwz3
  Replies (10) Good night (3310) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx
  Replies (20) Good night (4474) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife. http://tfl.nu/71gc
  Replies (24) Good night (5358) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (10258) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me. http://tfl.nu/94g1
  Replies (9) Good night (585) Bad night (3099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things. http://tfl.nu/jc42
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (2990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day. http://tfl.nu/sevp
  Replies (58) Good night (9303) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine. http://tfl.nu/p4hk
  Replies (21) Good night (465) Bad night (3396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras http://tfl.nu/7rs3
  Replies (16) Good night (5526) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (141) Good night (19635) Bad night (2221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Redeem this text for a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns
  Replies (45) Good night (18451) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night" http://tfl.nu/h7ul
  Replies (14) Good night (2022) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  batman tramp stamp. Dibs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): batman tramp stamp. Dibs. http://tfl.nu/38kl
  Replies (56) Good night (10296) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man http://tfl.nu/xuc0
  Replies (16) Good night (4904) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence. http://tfl.nu/c80w
  Replies (52) Good night (3980) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12707) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake. http://tfl.nu/no1z
  Replies (6) Good night (3256) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad? http://tfl.nu/ttkx
  Replies (18) Good night (1149) Bad night (4903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I puked a lego.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I puked a lego. http://tfl.nu/7r9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1631) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking http://tfl.nu/5ejk
  Replies (24) Good night (3775) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  where am I supposed to find one of those?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8. (225): where am I supposed to find one of those? http://tfl.nu/uj31
  Replies (17) Good night (1029) Bad night (2480)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve. http://tfl.nu/asc9
  Replies (6) Good night (6544) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6
  Replies (34) Good night (624) Bad night (4207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now http://tfl.nu/rj5l
  Replies (23) Good night (1090) Bad night (4511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
  Replies (47) Good night (917) Bad night (6242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I queefed so loud it echoed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I queefed so loud it echoed. http://tfl.nu/ujmt
  Replies (56) Good night (1898) Bad night (10735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/8oew
  Replies (144) Good night (9939) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs. http://tfl.nu/vmqk
  Replies (34) Good night (3161) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now. http://tfl.nu/5w4p
  Replies (9) Good night (566) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4679) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard? http://tfl.nu/a8hs
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/sl2y
  Replies (15) Good night (585) Bad night (3949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come. http://tfl.nu/6ryd
  Replies (75) Good night (5268) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101 http://tfl.nu/qihv
  Replies (23) Good night (4087) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

  (951): View more from California

  u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

  (661): View more from California

  i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary
  Replies (40) Good night (7917) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day http://tfl.nu/y67c
  Replies (42) Good night (3714) Bad night (6528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed" http://tfl.nu/96g5
  Replies (5) Good night (641) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/kcg4
  Replies (2) Good night (809) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8873) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans. http://tfl.nu/3s10
  Replies (24) Good night (5057) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead. http://tfl.nu/caf0
  Replies (6) Good night (4002) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again. http://tfl.nu/sc3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1386) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body. http://tfl.nu/21yt
  Replies (21) Good night (4163) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster. http://tfl.nu/p7ub
  Replies (109) Good night (12989) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty? http://tfl.nu/tsac
  Replies (21) Good night (4479) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0
  Replies (25) Good night (1767) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5362) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Are you drinking alone?

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  no, i'm watching house

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  That doesn't count.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  wtf, then i'm always alone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Are you drinking alone? (662): no, i'm watching house (601): That doesn't count. (662): wtf, then i'm always alone http://tfl.nu/bvid
  Replies (18) Good night (759) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy (1-713): well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE" http://tfl.nu/3bep
  Replies (11) Good night (1117) Bad night (4429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2164) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  "Monday" is guna come over...

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  but its Thursday?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): "Monday" is guna come over... (1-225): but its Thursday? (225): yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go http://tfl.nu/xdyf
  Replies (5) Good night (1345) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones http://tfl.nu/jfi7
  Replies (11) Good night (3503) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work. http://tfl.nu/vgtk
  Replies (12) Good night (908) Bad night (4987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (5950) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on http://tfl.nu/x4zw
  Replies (11) Good night (858) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed. http://tfl.nu/tpz0
  Replies (29) Good night (5047) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day http://tfl.nu/v7qa
  Replies (39) Good night (5436) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5348) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls http://tfl.nu/i5gr
  Replies (12) Good night (4664) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness... http://tfl.nu/ikgx
  Replies (21) Good night (961) Bad night (5559)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You going out tonight? (318): No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/ifio
  Replies (18) Good night (1059) Bad night (6175)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4809) Bad night (9131)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf
  Replies (27) Good night (4134) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19591) Bad night (1797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18543) Bad night (1690)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (63) Good night (20366) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works. http://tfl.nu/grey
  Replies (62) Good night (1487) Bad night (2809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. http://tfl.nu/mbm9
  Replies (210) Good night (4710) Bad night (28467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

  (831): View more from California

  Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g
  Replies (43) Good night (9927) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......

  (817): View more from Texas

  told ya

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back...... (817): told ya http://tfl.nu/csea
  Replies (13) Good night (2528) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song http://tfl.nu/2x4f
  Replies (25) Good night (9645) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh
  Replies (27) Good night (5963) Bad night (2249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5636) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans. http://tfl.nu/jpyk
  Replies (32) Good night (8452) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk. (504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. http://tfl.nu/hakn
  Replies (196) Good night (1833) Bad night (16482)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21337) Bad night (2981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes http://tfl.nu/awap
  Replies (11) Good night (538) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Everytime we come here you have an ex here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Everytime we come here you have an ex here. http://tfl.nu/ev6m
  Replies (16) Good night (406) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl http://tfl.nu/0j8b
  Replies (15) Good night (662) Bad night (2277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out. http://tfl.nu/7k9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5323) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy. http://tfl.nu/uglu
  Replies (3) Good night (2461) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...

  (214): View more from Texas

  Was she wearing cherry chapstick??

  (972): View more from Texas

  No. Life's not always a fairytale.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan... (214): Was she wearing cherry chapstick?? (972): No. Life's not always a fairytale..... http://tfl.nu/2nel
  Replies (24) Good night (6499) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better. http://tfl.nu/n2tz
  Replies (6) Good night (2275) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do? http://tfl.nu/4exj
  Replies (48) Good night (1365) Bad night (5834)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero? http://tfl.nu/iroh
  Replies (31) Good night (6031) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  i gets down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down. (1-218): i gets down http://tfl.nu/usv6
  Replies (14) Good night (3551) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9749) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (8247) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out http://tfl.nu/wsgl
  Replies (65) Good night (1475) Bad night (4427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card http://tfl.nu/62j9
  Replies (44) Good night (905) Bad night (4693)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit? http://tfl.nu/mgmc
  Replies (78) Good night (636) Bad night (2890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3401) Bad night (12190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8633) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging. (504): Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER http://tfl.nu/kpd3
  Replies (38) Good night (6029) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?

  (212): View more from New York

  Vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type? (212): Vagina http://tfl.nu/du5r
  Replies (9) Good night (2082) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair. http://tfl.nu/39w1
  Replies (25) Good night (744) Bad night (6818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover. http://tfl.nu/1njk
  Replies (14) Good night (3000) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back. http://tfl.nu/ko52
  Replies (13) Good night (5760) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime. http://tfl.nu/9cqb
  Replies (18) Good night (637) Bad night (5281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit (303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex http://tfl.nu/u4ul
  Replies (8) Good night (2249) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4499) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall http://tfl.nu/krc7
  Replies (43) Good night (11436) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away. http://tfl.nu/uxou
  Replies (60) Good night (3323) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  college has opened so many doors for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him (1-281): college has opened so many doors for you http://tfl.nu/e6am
  Replies (44) Good night (4383) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister. http://tfl.nu/9ks8
  Replies (37) Good night (8125) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian. http://tfl.nu/ky2c
  Replies (51) Good night (3490) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43789) Bad night (4561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (1877) Bad night (3338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating. http://tfl.nu/pak1
  Replies (5) Good night (404) Bad night (3216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)

  (214): View more from Texas

  Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one) (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping. http://tfl.nu/odlj
  Replies (15) Good night (2381) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks http://tfl.nu/0yyy
  Replies (23) Good night (3873) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me http://tfl.nu/xox1
  Replies (23) Good night (649) Bad night (5876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  quadriplegic porn is always funny

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  no. no its not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): quadriplegic porn is always funny (832): no. no its not http://tfl.nu/0tdp
  Replies (38) Good night (1125) Bad night (4527)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation. http://tfl.nu/om4a
  Replies (9) Good night (2030) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy. http://tfl.nu/e23b
  Replies (11) Good night (566) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife. http://tfl.nu/0n10
  Replies (7) Good night (4566) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!! http://tfl.nu/wtbk
  Replies (14) Good night (1070) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7284) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/fhfj
  Replies (33) Good night (5955) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Talk to you next week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period. (601): Talk to you next week http://tfl.nu/n6cb
  Replies (29) Good night (742) Bad night (1638)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae" http://tfl.nu/afr2
  Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (3251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10540) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you. http://tfl.nu/mcnp
  Replies (68) Good night (2060) Bad night (11403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur. http://tfl.nu/j1y3
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  # days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): # days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279 http://tfl.nu/pu81
  Replies (6) Good night (1069) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!! http://tfl.nu/co2h
  Replies (28) Good night (5421) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way. http://tfl.nu/ycc8
  Replies (22) Good night (3264) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches http://tfl.nu/7vm5
  Replies (15) Good night (3804) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss http://tfl.nu/25zw
  Replies (41) Good night (6632) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.

  (214): View more from Texas

  If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window. (214): If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day" http://tfl.nu/2bzp
  Replies (14) Good night (3949) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min http://tfl.nu/fx8x
  Replies (21) Good night (4254) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16 http://tfl.nu/rugk
  Replies (17) Good night (1046) Bad night (3377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10814) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus? http://tfl.nu/1khv
  Replies (23) Good night (1310) Bad night (6495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :( http://tfl.nu/zxos
  Replies (34) Good night (2148) Bad night (4760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am? http://tfl.nu/uaqy
  Replies (11) Good night (3870) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones! http://tfl.nu/aql1
  Replies (72) Good night (6508) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25462) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (61) Good night (26582) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love http://tfl.nu/tjul
  Replies (51) Good night (19679) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27831) Bad night (1800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29868) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38532) Bad night (1466)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (74) Good night (40186) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86068) Bad night (8377)