come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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