I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Loading more great texts...