Texts From Last Night

lmh228's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Are you feeling okay?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Are you feeling okay? (1-805): Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/wneq
  Replies (0) Good night (183) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face http://tfl.nu/wwpz
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside. http://tfl.nu/tt6u
  Replies (7) Good night (674) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life http://tfl.nu/dpod
  Replies (6) Good night (388) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS http://tfl.nu/8cgs
  Replies (3) Good night (2256) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving? http://tfl.nu/o7j4
  Replies (10) Good night (4197) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  That was you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party (1-647): That was you... http://tfl.nu/3f5k
  Replies (4) Good night (996) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation. http://tfl.nu/rbh2
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body. http://tfl.nu/i81x
  Replies (9) Good night (1561) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION http://tfl.nu/utlo
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night http://tfl.nu/x115
  Replies (4) Good night (759) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys http://tfl.nu/n2sm
  Replies (7) Good night (662) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help. http://tfl.nu/nnry
  Replies (11) Good night (968) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele. http://tfl.nu/5la0
  Replies (1) Good night (738) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car http://tfl.nu/2cza
  Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it. http://tfl.nu/4ii1
  Replies (2) Good night (2818) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.'' http://tfl.nu/51jx
  Replies (11) Good night (6336) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON http://tfl.nu/ic7e
  Replies (17) Good night (1336) Bad night (200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy. http://tfl.nu/ige6
  Replies (4) Good night (1381) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now. http://tfl.nu/jexc
  Replies (6) Good night (1036) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers. http://tfl.nu/797e
  Replies (3) Good night (1002) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need Jameson.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I need Jameson. (240): Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot. http://tfl.nu/qo8a
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out http://tfl.nu/4dk0
  Replies (13) Good night (535) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some. http://tfl.nu/g1u1
  Replies (9) Good night (390) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks. http://tfl.nu/hedo
  Replies (4) Good night (1061) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it http://tfl.nu/e6sn
  Replies (11) Good night (280) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b http://tfl.nu/chgx
  Replies (2) Good night (453) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running http://tfl.nu/dwtn
  Replies (7) Good night (337) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!! http://tfl.nu/fyj1
  Replies (7) Good night (1875) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT http://tfl.nu/8ret
  Replies (4) Good night (1305) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this. http://tfl.nu/vp0n
  Replies (10) Good night (2665) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend. http://tfl.nu/nhy3
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets http://tfl.nu/pibl
  Replies (7) Good night (326) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory." http://tfl.nu/0nol
  Replies (7) Good night (2233) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick. http://tfl.nu/owiw
  Replies (5) Good night (1425) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen. http://tfl.nu/sts0
  Replies (0) Good night (467) Bad night (155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed. http://tfl.nu/6i3f
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team. http://tfl.nu/ve6p
  Replies (9) Good night (2001) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pavi
  Replies (16) Good night (1766) Bad night (3917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin? http://tfl.nu/jzs7
  Replies (9) Good night (1083) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future. http://tfl.nu/v5m6
  Replies (10) Good night (1469) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride. http://tfl.nu/8ytz
  Replies (8) Good night (794) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet. http://tfl.nu/kmib
  Replies (12) Good night (2999) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE! http://tfl.nu/iu61
  Replies (5) Good night (669) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before. http://tfl.nu/79xu
  Replies (4) Good night (830) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism? http://tfl.nu/bpr0
  Replies (10) Good night (740) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly http://tfl.nu/23d8
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You can't spell "party" without "RA."

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): You can't spell "party" without "RA." (1-970): You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired." http://tfl.nu/jawl
  Replies (4) Good night (721) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life http://tfl.nu/wu65
  Replies (5) Good night (795) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

  (315): View more from New York

  Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! (315): Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch. http://tfl.nu/yk91
  Replies (16) Good night (4071) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq
  Replies (4) Good night (2682) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
  Replies (2) Good night (2720) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2903) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking. http://tfl.nu/gpcu
  Replies (4) Good night (2281) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5702) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished http://tfl.nu/r8cu
  Replies (14) Good night (1385) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever. http://tfl.nu/d22o
  Replies (6) Good night (3205) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment http://tfl.nu/1isz
  Replies (5) Good night (715) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever. http://tfl.nu/pxkj
  Replies (5) Good night (1351) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package" http://tfl.nu/jnsz
  Replies (13) Good night (1756) Bad night (4174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final... http://tfl.nu/w8p1
  Replies (4) Good night (1265) Bad night (247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows. http://tfl.nu/kvi1
  Replies (2) Good night (1565) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER http://tfl.nu/7inm
  Replies (8) Good night (800) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1307) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough. http://tfl.nu/1lj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1672) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free. http://tfl.nu/k11q
  Replies (6) Good night (2438) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up" http://tfl.nu/thd5
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms. http://tfl.nu/erk3
  Replies (9) Good night (1750) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving? http://tfl.nu/qz6b
  Replies (7) Good night (2125) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo
  Replies (6) Good night (775) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands. http://tfl.nu/c22a
  Replies (4) Good night (2482) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?! http://tfl.nu/21am
  Replies (11) Good night (2195) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth (1-870): I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come http://tfl.nu/shj4
  Replies (5) Good night (1668) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y
  Replies (4) Good night (2715) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  This bar receipt from last night makes no sense

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I wish that would've worked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): This bar receipt from last night makes no sense (573): You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total (870): I wish that would've worked http://tfl.nu/u8a6
  Replies (24) Good night (3189) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9219) Bad night (2831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9754) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.

  (426): View more from

  So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy. (426): So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee. http://tfl.nu/cx81
  Replies (12) Good night (2975) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber. http://tfl.nu/rkm3
  Replies (3) Good night (1429) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here. http://tfl.nu/gxsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1126) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people http://tfl.nu/kwkh
  Replies (2) Good night (390) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me. http://tfl.nu/51kh
  Replies (21) Good night (493) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy. http://tfl.nu/c3w4
  Replies (6) Good night (1725) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  As weird as it sounds I would totally be down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks. (630): As weird as it sounds I would totally be down http://tfl.nu/3ahb
  Replies (8) Good night (993) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess. http://tfl.nu/eyc8
  Replies (3) Good night (906) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Get you some cowboy.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Get you some cowboy. (832): In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself. http://tfl.nu/cgrb
  Replies (6) Good night (843) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins. http://tfl.nu/2pe6
  Replies (7) Good night (715) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You're perfect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign. (203): You're perfect http://tfl.nu/d0zl
  Replies (17) Good night (902) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off. http://tfl.nu/x6zl
  Replies (11) Good night (595) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work. http://tfl.nu/wxxj
  Replies (13) Good night (2776) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats. http://tfl.nu/azi3
  Replies (12) Good night (316) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (657): View more from California

  He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (657): He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option. http://tfl.nu/oidb
  Replies (8) Good night (1823) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey. http://tfl.nu/5gwc
  Replies (4) Good night (1781) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks. http://tfl.nu/p1dl
  Replies (6) Good night (1705) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u
  Replies (6) Good night (1340) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel. http://tfl.nu/qebb
  Replies (8) Good night (2014) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/4fo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1225) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted http://tfl.nu/8l0y
  Replies (5) Good night (1289) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I hate bills.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I hate bills. (479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William? http://tfl.nu/wp4z
  Replies (11) Good night (2390) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting. http://tfl.nu/51mm
  Replies (10) Good night (501) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney. http://tfl.nu/myp2
  Replies (21) Good night (1939) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it... http://tfl.nu/at35
  Replies (6) Good night (1563) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus. http://tfl.nu/e2af
  Replies (9) Good night (4023) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave. http://tfl.nu/6huv
  Replies (13) Good night (5290) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy http://tfl.nu/2r3y
  Replies (6) Good night (2580) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting http://tfl.nu/9m8j
  Replies (5) Good night (3809) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom http://tfl.nu/cd2y
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (2399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant http://tfl.nu/t0nu
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
  Replies (6) Good night (1790) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings http://tfl.nu/tlmy
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch. http://tfl.nu/isdv
  Replies (4) Good night (3198) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  I love you football head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head. (1-773): I love you football head http://tfl.nu/y5ut
  Replies (7) Good night (2306) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

  (239): View more from Florida

  that is the opposite of a normal text message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult. (239): that is the opposite of a normal text message. http://tfl.nu/cufq
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE http://tfl.nu/zlef
  Replies (8) Good night (1888) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far" http://tfl.nu/vzxo
  Replies (7) Good night (4253) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great. http://tfl.nu/ao5x
  Replies (3) Good night (1162) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th. http://tfl.nu/t8ll
  Replies (24) Good night (1169) Bad night (4500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary. http://tfl.nu/sahm
  Replies (8) Good night (1790) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/z9mt
  Replies (9) Good night (632) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin? http://tfl.nu/wy13
  Replies (5) Good night (1191) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle. http://tfl.nu/r2o0
  Replies (3) Good night (2961) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D http://tfl.nu/kf4w
  Replies (8) Good night (2422) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/xnmz
  Replies (6) Good night (1791) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away. http://tfl.nu/k6q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6248) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead. http://tfl.nu/hup2
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening. http://tfl.nu/b9i7
  Replies (16) Good night (3908) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling http://tfl.nu/aha0
  Replies (12) Good night (1460) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk. http://tfl.nu/l985
  Replies (5) Good night (2965) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for... http://tfl.nu/hz7t
  Replies (23) Good night (6483) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING! http://tfl.nu/za5e
  Replies (18) Good night (1015) Bad night (2660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ktfh
  Replies (6) Good night (1283) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/tsau
  Replies (8) Good night (2244) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong. (1-916): Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off http://tfl.nu/emwi
  Replies (3) Good night (1174) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink. http://tfl.nu/rrfd
  Replies (2) Good night (1036) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's gameday bitch. Man up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged. (412): It's gameday bitch. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dewp
  Replies (2) Good night (1321) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints. http://tfl.nu/xoq4
  Replies (6) Good night (830) Bad night (4634)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears. http://tfl.nu/33uz
  Replies (7) Good night (2148) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high. http://tfl.nu/l06x
  Replies (12) Good night (3549) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t
  Replies (8) Good night (1803) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012 http://tfl.nu/onux
  Replies (4) Good night (964) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/jvs2
  Replies (7) Good night (464) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk? http://tfl.nu/4pki
  Replies (9) Good night (503) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die http://tfl.nu/r2qr
  Replies (18) Good night (956) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition. http://tfl.nu/xj5o
  Replies (3) Good night (1334) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend. http://tfl.nu/7cvr
  Replies (13) Good night (1488) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked. http://tfl.nu/770z
  Replies (4) Good night (1517) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over. http://tfl.nu/3u0b
  Replies (7) Good night (1328) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession http://tfl.nu/yu57
  Replies (5) Good night (2252) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much. http://tfl.nu/ucje
  Replies (7) Good night (1397) Bad night (5573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time. http://tfl.nu/k82l
  Replies (10) Good night (2273) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video... http://tfl.nu/iq5u
  Replies (5) Good night (2095) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"

  (1-905): View more from Ontario

  He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot" (1-905): He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka. http://tfl.nu/0kc2
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good" http://tfl.nu/jrza
  Replies (13) Good night (1601) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups. http://tfl.nu/v1g8
  Replies (1) Good night (2317) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan http://tfl.nu/6u1u
  Replies (2) Good night (734) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV http://tfl.nu/diup
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Vodka?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Vodka? (202): Forever. http://tfl.nu/90ug
  Replies (7) Good night (1285) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I can HEAR him staring at your boobs. http://tfl.nu/pry3
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/mhcf
  Replies (24) Good night (4051) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/bv2v
  Replies (10) Good night (4305) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow. http://tfl.nu/mzdk
  Replies (9) Good night (1583) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking. http://tfl.nu/1gdj
  Replies (3) Good night (1702) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie. http://tfl.nu/eccp
  Replies (4) Good night (2083) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus. http://tfl.nu/lpxj
  Replies (19) Good night (4330) Bad night (1787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside http://tfl.nu/1bna
  Replies (85) Good night (6963) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in http://tfl.nu/zrr6
  Replies (11) Good night (847) Bad night (3131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join. http://tfl.nu/8ui9
  Replies (4) Good night (1775) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink. http://tfl.nu/f50x
  Replies (20) Good night (1271) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8936) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf
  Replies (8) Good night (4373) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head. http://tfl.nu/789t
  Replies (12) Good night (2755) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize. http://tfl.nu/htot
  Replies (7) Good night (5153) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people. http://tfl.nu/tw6k
  Replies (3) Good night (1282) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom. http://tfl.nu/sl0t
  Replies (6) Good night (1365) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there. http://tfl.nu/8rlf
  Replies (8) Good night (774) Bad night (2677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote... http://tfl.nu/xy7a
  Replies (2) Good night (1131) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation. http://tfl.nu/yqu2
  Replies (8) Good night (3585) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help? http://tfl.nu/mn7q
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot http://tfl.nu/m7cq
  Replies (4) Good night (969) Bad night (2852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates. http://tfl.nu/faj1
  Replies (5) Good night (2406) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/kkt0
  Replies (5) Good night (672) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN. http://tfl.nu/l8um
  Replies (9) Good night (1782) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now http://tfl.nu/o3a4
  Replies (8) Good night (1732) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I? http://tfl.nu/qaua
  Replies (10) Good night (362) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now? http://tfl.nu/mo61
  Replies (16) Good night (2497) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week. http://tfl.nu/s5do
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn http://tfl.nu/nu2n
  Replies (8) Good night (652) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today http://tfl.nu/jljr
  Replies (4) Good night (2437) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.

  (845): View more from New York

  Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help. (845): Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me. http://tfl.nu/1wp4
  Replies (5) Good night (2867) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA? http://tfl.nu/rcz7
  Replies (16) Good night (810) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2786) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come? http://tfl.nu/kmdd
  Replies (11) Good night (3215) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8150) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic. http://tfl.nu/uq7x
  Replies (19) Good night (2892) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt