Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
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