brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
