Texts From Last Night

hhharaldson's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  It was just a squirrel

  (253): View more from Washington

  You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): It was just a squirrel (253): You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar http://tfl.nu/smls
  Replies (11) Good night (5627) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
  Replies (67) Good night (7842) Bad night (2883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93478) Bad night (4595)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband. http://tfl.nu/qjl3
  Replies (10) Good night (2679) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56995) Bad night (1221)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6615) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space. http://tfl.nu/f94k
  Replies (11) Good night (703) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok? http://tfl.nu/2iym
  Replies (14) Good night (339) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions http://tfl.nu/aecl
  Replies (5) Good night (508) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex http://tfl.nu/b8jn
  Replies (7) Good night (1059) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (247): View more from

  That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (247): That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes. http://tfl.nu/fpdo
  Replies (6) Good night (1296) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other. http://tfl.nu/no1k
  Replies (9) Good night (1605) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86083) Bad night (8380)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86463) Bad night (7102)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127095) Bad night (2832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks. http://tfl.nu/40kn
  Replies (3) Good night (1522) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im sober

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58
  Replies (3) Good night (2310) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18. http://tfl.nu/z1g3
  Replies (14) Good night (3297) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter http://tfl.nu/ntue
  Replies (7) Good night (2485) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  what?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn (952): what? (612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn http://tfl.nu/vdma
  Replies (29) Good night (7605) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/6rmt
  Replies (8) Good night (1352) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do." http://tfl.nu/0gsj
  Replies (8) Good night (3486) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you. http://tfl.nu/zbku
  Replies (3) Good night (2335) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)

  (586): View more from Michigan

  It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching (586): Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please) (586): It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie http://tfl.nu/o2c2
  Replies (6) Good night (636) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/1e7j
  Replies (4) Good night (2909) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.

  (207): View more from Maine

  HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped. (207): HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME. http://tfl.nu/4n05
  Replies (21) Good night (2986) Bad night (1919)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (61985) Bad night (2277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters. http://tfl.nu/cy91
  Replies (2) Good night (2022) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe. http://tfl.nu/ylh3
  Replies (42) Good night (5865) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night. http://tfl.nu/uygn
  Replies (6) Good night (3514) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true. http://tfl.nu/azt6
  Replies (5) Good night (2539) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (9) Good night (4518) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2358) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11346) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2972) Bad night (4706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy
  Replies (15) Good night (7418) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears. http://tfl.nu/pw7m
  Replies (41) Good night (2210) Bad night (4999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you definitely held a convo with a hobo

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we have a secret handshake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you definitely held a convo with a hobo (1-610): we have a secret handshake http://tfl.nu/i4o5
  Replies (25) Good night (4230) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6801) Bad night (40800)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can. (1-214): oh fuck your right http://tfl.nu/6rmf
  Replies (21) Good night (4223) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests http://tfl.nu/b1y9
  Replies (10) Good night (3792) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works? http://tfl.nu/8nc6
  Replies (26) Good night (969) Bad night (5466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo. http://tfl.nu/zgra
  Replies (3) Good night (1561) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe. http://tfl.nu/7qkp
  Replies (5) Good night (1710) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad http://tfl.nu/q1tx
  Replies (16) Good night (3083) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey" http://tfl.nu/pjur
  Replies (24) Good night (6373) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  What are you drinking?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): What are you drinking? (404): Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL http://tfl.nu/iqly
  Replies (54) Good night (1448) Bad night (2502)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous. (603): it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/1y0h
  Replies (5) Good night (1656) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u
  Replies (22) Good night (6512) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (8122) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck
  Replies (17) Good night (8829) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail http://tfl.nu/cdhw
  Replies (9) Good night (2818) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness http://tfl.nu/10ex
  Replies (5) Good night (4896) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one. http://tfl.nu/z4fm
  Replies (34) Good night (892) Bad night (3362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now. (412): wtf? (610): Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit. http://tfl.nu/b93y
  Replies (22) Good night (800) Bad night (3447)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets. http://tfl.nu/c2eo
  Replies (30) Good night (612) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7819) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7306) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this." http://tfl.nu/rnir
  Replies (45) Good night (854) Bad night (6408)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6573) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/dbsh
  Replies (10) Good night (3071) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36469) Bad night (4993)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell. http://tfl.nu/mi1d
  Replies (11) Good night (1824) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): 12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong. (856): Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits http://tfl.nu/ncaq
  Replies (19) Good night (5009) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me http://tfl.nu/y5hr
  Replies (27) Good night (796) Bad night (5710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw
  Replies (12) Good night (2307) Bad night (1248)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (19) Good night (4888) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16410) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You're my little dorito

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You're my little dorito http://tfl.nu/8gay
  Replies (4) Good night (1497) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell http://tfl.nu/5oyd
  Replies (19) Good night (3872) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world' http://tfl.nu/vm9t
  Replies (8) Good night (7010) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer. http://tfl.nu/hnl7
  Replies (5) Good night (1353) Bad night (2743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow
  Replies (15) Good night (5552) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that. http://tfl.nu/jia8
  Replies (110) Good night (14506) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16854) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17904) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17484) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (38) Good night (17188) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18547) Bad night (1691)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19593) Bad night (1799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (46) Good night (20363) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (67) Good night (19700) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
  Replies (86) Good night (20174) Bad night (1417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (20277) Bad night (1531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (45) Good night (23478) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (9985) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined http://tfl.nu/df5k
  Replies (7) Good night (1334) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life. http://tfl.nu/7ulw
  Replies (15) Good night (785) Bad night (2692)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0
  Replies (4) Good night (2351) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51700) Bad night (2735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire http://tfl.nu/rfl8
  Replies (6) Good night (5637) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6560) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es
  Replies (33) Good night (24795) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25355) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (26242) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (27989) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73390) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt