Texts From Last Night

Fuckyou77's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners. http://tfl.nu/yd21
  Replies (3) Good night (721) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue. http://tfl.nu/y6r9
  Replies (4) Good night (457) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uyof
  Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man. http://tfl.nu/achk
  Replies (9) Good night (1912) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh. http://tfl.nu/ykfv
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness http://tfl.nu/sk3k
  Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them. http://tfl.nu/8xwy
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day! http://tfl.nu/bw0f
  Replies (5) Good night (216) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else. http://tfl.nu/z0p4
  Replies (3) Good night (207) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos. http://tfl.nu/xv9s
  Replies (9) Good night (724) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine... http://tfl.nu/hixx
  Replies (12) Good night (3673) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/4yrh
  Replies (2) Good night (1117) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/83jv
  Replies (16) Good night (6194) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore http://tfl.nu/cttm
  Replies (2) Good night (796) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

  (619): View more from California

  I will find you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank. (619): I will find you... http://tfl.nu/dshk
  Replies (16) Good night (2215) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid. http://tfl.nu/spee
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid." http://tfl.nu/wv53
  Replies (4) Good night (1598) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  Wow, he seems so solid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter (1-253): Wow, he seems so solid http://tfl.nu/880c
  Replies (7) Good night (1311) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20. http://tfl.nu/twif
  Replies (2) Good night (415) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp http://tfl.nu/ovgv
  Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style. http://tfl.nu/g3nw
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/bju4
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren. http://tfl.nu/fimu
  Replies (12) Good night (1896) Bad night (1477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited. http://tfl.nu/2tlf
  Replies (20) Good night (6621) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet. http://tfl.nu/yw9h
  Replies (23) Good night (904) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Lets go hit some boners bro!

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Lets go hit some boners bro! (1-989): I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk. http://tfl.nu/w0yr
  Replies (7) Good night (2232) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar. http://tfl.nu/zoch
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Put some vodka in it

  (424): View more from California

  Its 7am

  (323): View more from California

  put some vodka in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Put some vodka in it (424): Its 7am (323): put some vodka in it http://tfl.nu/mu2b
  Replies (7) Good night (1629) Bad night (193)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success. http://tfl.nu/agha
  Replies (1) Good night (1652) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat" http://tfl.nu/3rr9
  Replies (6) Good night (890) Bad night (2180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'. http://tfl.nu/236r
  Replies (22) Good night (3345) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T. http://tfl.nu/y888
  Replies (4) Good night (1298) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running http://tfl.nu/dwtn
  Replies (7) Good night (338) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying. http://tfl.nu/19ej
  Replies (2) Good night (1262) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. http://tfl.nu/a4r2
  Replies (5) Good night (1959) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all http://tfl.nu/abyi
  Replies (5) Good night (1062) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute. http://tfl.nu/4jz7
  Replies (4) Good night (409) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby http://tfl.nu/vnsn
  Replies (13) Good night (674) Bad night (2089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (2012) Bad night (6663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question. http://tfl.nu/23so
  Replies (13) Good night (1785) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE (1-847): This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to. http://tfl.nu/xeyh
  Replies (15) Good night (4230) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

  (226): View more from Ontario

  did I at least say anything...

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
  Replies (6) Good night (1806) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (5207) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache? (1-561): Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night. http://tfl.nu/sa3s
  Replies (2) Good night (584) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal. http://tfl.nu/so63
  Replies (21) Good night (6788) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter http://tfl.nu/6hrd
  Replies (5) Good night (2456) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day. http://tfl.nu/m69g
  Replies (10) Good night (3429) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy http://tfl.nu/as9c
  Replies (5) Good night (2258) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet." http://tfl.nu/ru2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3767) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats http://tfl.nu/ivyy
  Replies (0) Good night (222) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever. http://tfl.nu/d22o
  Replies (6) Good night (3207) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits. http://tfl.nu/jw7g
  Replies (3) Good night (297) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (4096) Bad night (16263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (128) Good night (1138) Bad night (34713)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2452) Bad night (35328)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6798) Bad night (40794)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86068) Bad night (8377)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5198) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (3947) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off. http://tfl.nu/fj7u
  Replies (12) Good night (2561) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!? http://tfl.nu/bzp6
  Replies (10) Good night (1681) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz (978): Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing http://tfl.nu/v9yz
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep. http://tfl.nu/ua0k
  Replies (12) Good night (2379) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester? http://tfl.nu/lq06
  Replies (20) Good night (4312) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot. http://tfl.nu/omko
  Replies (8) Good night (1582) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look http://tfl.nu/jucs
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?' http://tfl.nu/4a3m
  Replies (7) Good night (1863) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese. (404): My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe. http://tfl.nu/muox
  Replies (15) Good night (2655) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night. http://tfl.nu/m1vr
  Replies (6) Good night (3250) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room http://tfl.nu/x49g
  Replies (5) Good night (4917) Bad night (1817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off. http://tfl.nu/tbu4
  Replies (11) Good night (456) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER http://tfl.nu/7inm
  Replies (8) Good night (801) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed. http://tfl.nu/94v6
  Replies (10) Good night (5569) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours. http://tfl.nu/2v78
  Replies (2) Good night (1214) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/m7vb
  Replies (16) Good night (4098) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth. http://tfl.nu/otea
  Replies (9) Good night (2175) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0
  Replies (7) Good night (1926) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control. http://tfl.nu/g1ps
  Replies (9) Good night (1573) Bad night (2364)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Stop drinking at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
  Replies (8) Good night (3383) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad http://tfl.nu/q1tx
  Replies (16) Good night (3082) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8035) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave http://tfl.nu/c1xk
  Replies (4) Good night (843) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck. http://tfl.nu/5f0o
  Replies (24) Good night (9731) Bad night (1860)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her http://tfl.nu/8ahn
  Replies (19) Good night (10951) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet. http://tfl.nu/qbs8
  Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night. http://tfl.nu/5yhi
  Replies (6) Good night (407) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be... http://tfl.nu/o9g8
  Replies (9) Good night (1201) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd. http://tfl.nu/1o4y
  Replies (18) Good night (2416) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna. http://tfl.nu/hik5
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5221) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING http://tfl.nu/zpal
  Replies (5) Good night (953) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13195) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave http://tfl.nu/1hv2
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He was uncircumcised

  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He was uncircumcised (480): It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis http://tfl.nu/js6u
  Replies (15) Good night (1013) Bad night (1289)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too. http://tfl.nu/do4j
  Replies (14) Good night (2943) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  How can a condom be "half used"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face (763): How can a condom be "half used"? http://tfl.nu/3d85
  Replies (13) Good night (1224) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much? http://tfl.nu/8ysl
  Replies (7) Good night (1508) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set http://tfl.nu/ske1
  Replies (6) Good night (496) Bad night (1620)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4703) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??" http://tfl.nu/7nog
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die. http://tfl.nu/zxmz
  Replies (7) Good night (2322) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm http://tfl.nu/x3tv
  Replies (9) Good night (1534) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that. http://tfl.nu/ou7s
  Replies (6) Good night (1872) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off. http://tfl.nu/vexh
  Replies (10) Good night (1226) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step" http://tfl.nu/eora
  Replies (2) Good night (867) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this. http://tfl.nu/nvhn
  Replies (14) Good night (1728) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3821) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year? http://tfl.nu/u8i3
  Replies (10) Good night (2410) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/3k3l
  Replies (8) Good night (747) Bad night (3529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5479) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (3878) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good. http://tfl.nu/j3wb
  Replies (6) Good night (2322) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  That literally makes no sense

  (406): View more from Montana

  Exactly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l
  Replies (7) Good night (2011) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn. http://tfl.nu/zs8h
  Replies (2) Good night (4692) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8977) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!! http://tfl.nu/esz2
  Replies (4) Good night (1195) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams. 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.  http://tfl.nu/pssg
  Replies (4) Good night (876) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm? http://tfl.nu/cxi2
  Replies (7) Good night (3363) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf
  Replies (12) Good night (6077) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times http://tfl.nu/be2v
  Replies (14) Good night (1545) Bad night (4329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1558) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w
  Replies (18) Good night (4845) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this. http://tfl.nu/akz0
  Replies (8) Good night (1836) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job. http://tfl.nu/800g
  Replies (25) Good night (4863) Bad night (3511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor. http://tfl.nu/6xcl
  Replies (9) Good night (2040) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You're perfect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign. (203): You're perfect http://tfl.nu/d0zl
  Replies (17) Good night (907) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me. http://tfl.nu/6e6y
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off. http://tfl.nu/x6zl
  Replies (11) Good night (595) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire http://tfl.nu/zvoc
  Replies (7) Good night (410) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger. http://tfl.nu/ni0e
  Replies (17) Good night (7849) Bad night (1828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dnld
  Replies (13) Good night (1177) Bad night (2848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea http://tfl.nu/nypc
  Replies (10) Good night (711) Bad night (2902)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean? http://tfl.nu/rbfp
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist. http://tfl.nu/dze0
  Replies (10) Good night (1526) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed??? http://tfl.nu/qbm2
  Replies (20) Good night (2265) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN. http://tfl.nu/l8um
  Replies (9) Good night (1782) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So did he inherit the massive family cock?

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So did he inherit the massive family cock? (1-317): :( http://tfl.nu/a8a5
  Replies (9) Good night (440) Bad night (1986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches." http://tfl.nu/j5or
  Replies (5) Good night (2613) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?" http://tfl.nu/1kzs
  Replies (9) Good night (2394) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask?? http://tfl.nu/g9zb
  Replies (17) Good night (1706) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado http://tfl.nu/of4e
  Replies (27) Good night (3263) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you found the shrooms didnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts
  Replies (7) Good night (4094) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will http://tfl.nu/h8xm
  Replies (3) Good night (691) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex. http://tfl.nu/otis
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

  (941): View more from Florida

  it was a krispy kreme

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743
  Replies (15) Good night (4874) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person. http://tfl.nu/l0db
  Replies (10) Good night (1040) Bad night (3489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing http://tfl.nu/1y41
  Replies (5) Good night (6309) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3320) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial. http://tfl.nu/6p87
  Replies (49) Good night (6334) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit. http://tfl.nu/8ktk
  Replies (18) Good night (3045) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it. http://tfl.nu/727e
  Replies (26) Good night (1243) Bad night (4598)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls http://tfl.nu/o10i
  Replies (4) Good night (2436) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY http://tfl.nu/auio
  Replies (6) Good night (1045) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn". http://tfl.nu/2c8a
  Replies (6) Good night (2102) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick http://tfl.nu/j5fw
  Replies (22) Good night (5473) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth. http://tfl.nu/k58a
  Replies (29) Good night (2073) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something http://tfl.nu/ax1a
  Replies (28) Good night (7494) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me. http://tfl.nu/5y8e
  Replies (5) Good night (283) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know..... http://tfl.nu/0xlu
  Replies (13) Good night (2121) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I miss the smell of you or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I miss the smell of you or some shit. http://tfl.nu/h6lu
  Replies (23) Good night (2789) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb. http://tfl.nu/pyo6
  Replies (4) Good night (1192) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (6256) Bad night (1845)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (70) Good night (13018) Bad night (5281)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself? http://tfl.nu/e252
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  What does puking wasabi feel like?

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Like snorting cocaine backwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): What does puking wasabi feel like? (1-602): Like snorting cocaine backwards. http://tfl.nu/l21m
  Replies (4) Good night (415) Bad night (1267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it. http://tfl.nu/u2s4
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm. http://tfl.nu/5svr
  Replies (17) Good night (2517) Bad night (3913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
  Replies (6) Good night (1301) Bad night (4211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!! http://tfl.nu/zroi
  Replies (36) Good night (1189) Bad night (1956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/l5cn
  Replies (1) Good night (1136) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (43) Good night (14865) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
  Replies (11) Good night (3445) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt