Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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