Texts From Last Night · Lou

Lou_143's Favorites Texts:

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(360): View more from Washington

Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.

(360): View more from Washington

It was me.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

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(360): View more from Washington

do we own a ladder

(206): View more from Washington

We do not.

(360): View more from Washington

then how am i on the roof

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(907): View more from Alaska

Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(812): View more from Indiana

Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there

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(406): View more from Montana

So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

what if I'm pregnant?

(848): View more from New Jersey

smusmorshion

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(224): View more from Illinois

My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

(312): View more from Illinois

Elaborate

(224): View more from Illinois

Strip Mario-Kart

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(757): View more from Virginia

I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.

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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Read it at the TFLN blog
(208): View more from Idaho

so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"

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(623): View more from Arizona

Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts

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(802): View more from Vermont

I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.

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(812): View more from Indiana

last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.

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(858): View more from California

I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake

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(586): View more from Michigan

Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"

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(360): View more from Washington

I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist

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(916): View more from California

I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.

(1-916): View more from California

Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.

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(360): View more from Washington

last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne

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(859): View more from Kentucky

While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

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(425): View more from Washington

Wanna skype?

(1-425): View more from Washington

Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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(541): View more from Oregon

So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning

(519): View more from Ontario

Omg I think I'm in the wrong class

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(970): View more from Colorado

I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.

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(253): View more from Washington

There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?

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(618): View more from Illinois

Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.

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(416): View more from Toronto

You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

Now it's a party.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you found the shrooms didnt you

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(404): View more from Georgia

Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.

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(941): View more from Florida

I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.

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(941): View more from Florida

I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.

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(302): View more from Delaware

She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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(425): View more from Washington

One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass

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(602): View more from Arizona

literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"

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(425): View more from Washington

Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

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(210): View more from Texas

If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.

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(801): View more from Utah

On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?

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(909): View more from California

Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.

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(951): View more from California

I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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(289): View more from Ontario

You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

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(925): View more from California

After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome

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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm

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(618): View more from Illinois

You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes

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(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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(727): View more from Florida

I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

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(864): View more from South Carolina

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

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(973): View more from New Jersey

That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

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(760): View more from California

I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

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(216): View more from Ohio

The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.

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(530): View more from California

My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.

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(850): View more from Florida

We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

and you succeeded.

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(807): View more from Ontario

If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right

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(503): View more from Oregon

you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

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(513): View more from Ohio

it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.

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(708): View more from Illinois

if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

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(810): View more from Michigan

I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

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(540): View more from Virginia

You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car

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(443): View more from Maryland

i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.

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(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

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(360): View more from Washington

drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

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(647): View more from Ontario

she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.

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(530): View more from California

She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

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(619): View more from California

i miss you so much

(858): View more from California

i miss you too

(858): View more from California

oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

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(703): View more from Virginia

No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

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(631): View more from New York

saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

(623): View more from Arizona

Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

(763): View more from Minnesota

is that a poem?!

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(425): View more from Washington

It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

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(407): View more from Florida

The bars here don't close until 4!

(703): View more from Virginia

my legs don't close until 4

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.

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(416): View more from Toronto

the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

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(425): View more from Washington

You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish

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(203): View more from Connecticut

so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave

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(571): View more from Virginia

final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Marry him

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(281): View more from Texas

Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?

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(61): View more from Australia

Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

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(512): View more from Texas

You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.

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(707): View more from California

I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already

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(360): View more from Washington

nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked

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(819): View more from Quebec

I woke up to her vacumming the grass

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(914): View more from New York

I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man

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(408): View more from California

you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot

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(416): View more from Ontario

Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?

(918): View more from Oklahoma

You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.

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(818): View more from California

Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

(818): View more from California

And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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(404): View more from Georgia

Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.

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(848): View more from New Jersey

a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving

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(860): View more from Connecticut

So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.

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(513): View more from Ohio

He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

(828): View more from North Carolina

Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

(864): View more from South Carolina

Previous statement retracted.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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(416): View more from Ontario

you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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(214): View more from Texas

dude. I'm so drunk.

(972): View more from Texas

pete, this is bryce's mom

(214): View more from Texas

I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

(972): View more from Texas

pete, this is still bryce's mom

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(850): View more from Florida

Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

(850): View more from Florida

I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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(315): View more from New York

So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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(513): View more from Ohio

You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

(908): View more from New Jersey

I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

(201): View more from New Jersey

Tie

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(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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(915): View more from Texas

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): View more from Texas

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(919): View more from North Carolina

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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(352): View more from Florida

we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

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(404): View more from Georgia

You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.

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(937): View more from Ohio

dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize

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(214): View more from Texas

She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

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(973): View more from New Jersey

They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

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(330): View more from Ohio

so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

(216): View more from Ohio

i hate you

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(315): View more from New York

Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

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(716): View more from New York

I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

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(214): View more from Texas

Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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(702): View more from Nevada

My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

(702): View more from Nevada

they all just nodded

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