Texts From Last Night

dowsh's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34727) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (4986) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (38) Good night (11401) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38522) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/cot7
  Replies (25) Good night (5497) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me. http://tfl.nu/d9on
  Replies (17) Good night (4285) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin. (804): It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals. http://tfl.nu/mo3g
  Replies (8) Good night (1906) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass. http://tfl.nu/hhxz
  Replies (18) Good night (834) Bad night (2827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape. http://tfl.nu/qdov
  Replies (7) Good night (2723) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (13) Good night (7487) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us. http://tfl.nu/chty
  Replies (10) Good night (5366) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished http://tfl.nu/a96t
  Replies (7) Good night (2171) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me' http://tfl.nu/06rz
  Replies (7) Good night (5630) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
  Replies (17) Good night (7182) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea" http://tfl.nu/kx8t
  Replies (7) Good night (1735) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals http://tfl.nu/rxm6
  Replies (15) Good night (3653) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re
  Replies (37) Good night (672) Bad night (8363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  True Life: I hate vaginal excretions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): True Life: I hate vaginal excretions http://tfl.nu/vhm9
  Replies (67) Good night (611) Bad night (7028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously.. http://tfl.nu/exbf
  Replies (24) Good night (1189) Bad night (6311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall. http://tfl.nu/64r1
  Replies (7) Good night (3851) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door? (910): That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating? (770): Touche. (910): I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR. http://tfl.nu/rwye
  Replies (5) Good night (3473) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy http://tfl.nu/ffaz
  Replies (13) Good night (566) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name." http://tfl.nu/v79x
  Replies (15) Good night (3863) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out http://tfl.nu/2vfe
  Replies (23) Good night (3265) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language. http://tfl.nu/0hum
  Replies (3) Good night (2385) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen" http://tfl.nu/038r
  Replies (8) Good night (2425) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing. http://tfl.nu/i23j
  Replies (16) Good night (2688) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight. http://tfl.nu/ami0
  Replies (22) Good night (3558) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"... http://tfl.nu/nha2
  Replies (18) Good night (746) Bad night (5984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!" http://tfl.nu/38or
  Replies (10) Good night (2191) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.

  (376): View more from

  you are insane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere. (376): you are insane http://tfl.nu/nfoh
  Replies (12) Good night (3206) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro. http://tfl.nu/rmdo
  Replies (5) Good night (4279) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job http://tfl.nu/32u0
  Replies (16) Good night (931) Bad night (2840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (985) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect http://tfl.nu/4whi
  Replies (4) Good night (4919) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes. (1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/t985
  Replies (54) Good night (1137) Bad night (13104)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
  Replies (110) Good night (8952) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

  (1-209): View more from California

  nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all http://tfl.nu/t93h
  Replies (43) Good night (14960) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole. http://tfl.nu/uyw0
  Replies (9) Good night (3338) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (340): just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free? http://tfl.nu/81qf
  Replies (17) Good night (621) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
  Replies (42) Good night (639) Bad night (6402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

  (206): View more from Washington

  High?

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahahahaha turkey breast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector. (206): High? (425): hahahahaha turkey breast http://tfl.nu/8hm7
  Replies (40) Good night (3331) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  worst night to have a conscience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): worst night to have a conscience http://tfl.nu/q3ht
  Replies (29) Good night (655) Bad night (4220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'll bet she douches with gravy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I'll bet she douches with gravy. http://tfl.nu/j4az
  Replies (6) Good night (396) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (4829) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here. http://tfl.nu/xdo1
  Replies (9) Good night (2012) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch. http://tfl.nu/l2v2
  Replies (23) Good night (4746) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Yah man, that place is surreal

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Yah man, that place is surreal (731): Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal? http://tfl.nu/sga3
  Replies (70) Good night (3232) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (16) Good night (1399) Bad night (6148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
  Replies (26) Good night (6505) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (193) Good night (36727) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other. http://tfl.nu/212r
  Replies (19) Good night (1741) Bad night (2962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me. (630): Thats like the definition of a good friend http://tfl.nu/1tf7
  Replies (4) Good night (4661) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3
  Replies (31) Good night (1067) Bad night (3918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend http://tfl.nu/u4us
  Replies (46) Good night (3867) Bad night (2543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!" http://tfl.nu/3xo9
  Replies (10) Good night (4898) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer? http://tfl.nu/917w
  Replies (10) Good night (2612) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
  Replies (9) Good night (4835) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother" http://tfl.nu/4czs
  Replies (13) Good night (6455) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups. http://tfl.nu/3y6t
  Replies (16) Good night (3546) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/43xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3017) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back... http://tfl.nu/qoth
  Replies (7) Good night (485) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome http://tfl.nu/8vj5
  Replies (8) Good night (4681) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (35013) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum' (1-904): wtf? (904): It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend' http://tfl.nu/kgyk
  Replies (14) Good night (4062) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  coke and sex party at dan's

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  im watching greys anatomy with megan...

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  wha-pishhh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): coke and sex party at dan's (201): im watching greys anatomy with megan... (973): wha-pishhh http://tfl.nu/auvy
  Replies (50) Good night (824) Bad night (4138)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time http://tfl.nu/brrk
  Replies (27) Good night (4659) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  that girl last night was a 15

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  wait she was 15?

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): that girl last night was a 15 (1-413): wait she was 15? (413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it http://tfl.nu/qny1
  Replies (52) Good night (3855) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame? http://tfl.nu/ixm6
  Replies (29) Good night (1319) Bad night (3571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty. http://tfl.nu/rhpp
  Replies (29) Good night (6760) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/m7hl
  Replies (10) Good night (5821) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade http://tfl.nu/l96w
  Replies (9) Good night (4235) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking. http://tfl.nu/91x5
  Replies (17) Good night (1603) Bad night (5174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (13) Good night (5543) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going? http://tfl.nu/kahl
  Replies (12) Good night (2242) Bad night (4140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6089) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ. http://tfl.nu/rtl1
  Replies (24) Good night (8954) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5501) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers http://tfl.nu/3d71
  Replies (50) Good night (765) Bad night (5989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet. http://tfl.nu/7a74
  Replies (16) Good night (8631) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy. http://tfl.nu/fux5
  Replies (11) Good night (4669) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (7680) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side http://tfl.nu/w2qc
  Replies (17) Good night (3385) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad http://tfl.nu/jzas
  Replies (40) Good night (443) Bad night (4002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious http://tfl.nu/ejqb
  Replies (15) Good night (3547) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
  Replies (53) Good night (10135) Bad night (1444)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don`t remember Saturday, actually

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok, i dont remember 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I don`t remember Saturday, actually (1-604): Its ok, i dont remember 2007 http://tfl.nu/egxh
  Replies (16) Good night (7322) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency http://tfl.nu/qlw6
  Replies (18) Good night (2615) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids http://tfl.nu/b5v5
  Replies (25) Good night (9240) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum http://tfl.nu/wrcg
  Replies (26) Good night (4287) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone http://tfl.nu/f58w
  Replies (20) Good night (5090) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  why?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend (1-708): why? (708): so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement. http://tfl.nu/h2nt
  Replies (163) Good night (3199) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  And?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt (1-859): And? http://tfl.nu/z2de
  Replies (37) Good night (3526) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo
  Replies (14) Good night (811) Bad night (5397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20046) Bad night (3295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12123) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with. http://tfl.nu/j18n
  Replies (13) Good night (1647) Bad night (3149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  have you facebook stalked him yet?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  No, I don’t know his last name...

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just google his license plate numb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): have you facebook stalked him yet? (1-803): No, I don’t know his last name... (803): Just google his license plate numb http://tfl.nu/nn7i
  Replies (20) Good night (864) Bad night (3647)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55355) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53940) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57782) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28554) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (26808) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears http://tfl.nu/nyec
  Replies (28) Good night (962) Bad night (7988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew http://tfl.nu/fmsn
  Replies (16) Good night (6969) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (83) Good night (21441) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
  Replies (56) Good night (8520) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  why is this not a picture message?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score! (1-434): why is this not a picture message?!?! http://tfl.nu/992e
  Replies (42) Good night (7196) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (50) Good night (17083) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  what if I'm pregnant?

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  smusmorshion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): what if I'm pregnant? (848): smusmorshion http://tfl.nu/vksj
  Replies (103) Good night (1568) Bad night (2659)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left. http://tfl.nu/4tq4
  Replies (10) Good night (735) Bad night (2316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me http://tfl.nu/5qy1
  Replies (25) Good night (833) Bad night (8086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute?? http://tfl.nu/snv5
  Replies (11) Good night (7628) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching. http://tfl.nu/ljur
  Replies (21) Good night (1525) Bad night (7976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7147) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?! http://tfl.nu/u19h
  Replies (13) Good night (3913) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands http://tfl.nu/ha5y
  Replies (15) Good night (6668) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (23) Good night (6335) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently

  (540): View more from Virginia

  and skipped dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): 3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently (540): and skipped dinner http://tfl.nu/igda
  Replies (21) Good night (925) Bad night (4251)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128178) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96131) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7351) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that" http://tfl.nu/ec8j
  Replies (11) Good night (7539) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie http://tfl.nu/6e1s
  Replies (13) Good night (4184) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved http://tfl.nu/hfsv
  Replies (15) Good night (3830) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  His apartment number was 69. I had to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s
  Replies (22) Good night (7734) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (7917) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what. http://tfl.nu/4g32
  Replies (27) Good night (5227) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport. http://tfl.nu/vfi8
  Replies (26) Good night (3554) Bad night (1579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy http://tfl.nu/uxjr
  Replies (18) Good night (3893) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden http://tfl.nu/xsqd
  Replies (14) Good night (5433) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (8820) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass http://tfl.nu/5gce
  Replies (24) Good night (3821) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her. http://tfl.nu/d96s
  Replies (15) Good night (2573) Bad night (5271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (7828) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz
  Replies (28) Good night (5646) Bad night (4288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
  Replies (13) Good night (6034) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  ra ra ra ah ah

  (573): View more from Missouri

  wtf?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  sexting lady gaga style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): ra ra ra ah ah (573): wtf? (636): sexting lady gaga style http://tfl.nu/2d0r
  Replies (59) Good night (4866) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (30) Good night (14117) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong http://tfl.nu/v2kj
  Replies (25) Good night (996) Bad night (5105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/6zni
  Replies (28) Good night (1550) Bad night (5065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8358) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT! http://tfl.nu/umoe
  Replies (129) Good night (5989) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt