Texts From Last Night · moremadison's Favorites

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moremadison's Favorites Texts:

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(707): View more from California

We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.

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(707): View more from California

OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.

(1-707): View more from California

Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

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(516): View more from New York

watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...

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(815): View more from Illinois

He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.

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(816): View more from Missouri

and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours

(816): View more from Missouri

outstanding.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

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(917): View more from New York City

i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.

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(562): View more from California

she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

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(847): View more from Illinois

i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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(312): View more from Illinois

You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.

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(630): View more from Illinois

He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.

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(248): View more from Michigan

You up for the gym tonight after work?

(734): View more from Michigan

I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.

(248): View more from Michigan

Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.

(734): View more from Michigan

Chris Brown style, or less felonious?

(248): View more from Michigan

Haha, all felonious.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

(1-318): View more from Louisiana

what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

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(954): View more from Florida

What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?

(904): View more from Florida

Both

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

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(206): View more from Washington

imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.

(206): View more from Washington

Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.

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(914): View more from New York

After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

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(216): View more from Ohio

We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong

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(404): View more from Georgia

three words: i give head

(770): View more from Georgia

three words: not that well

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

(651): View more from Minnesota

nevermind its newpaper

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(502): View more from Kentucky

After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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(641): View more from Iowa

FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

(1-641): View more from Iowa

STOP listening to that song

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi

(214): View more from Texas

ok, stay where you are, be there soon

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(519): View more from Ontario

Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

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(914): View more from New York

For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.

(1-914): View more from New York

That's cute.

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(415): View more from California

She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

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(727): View more from Florida

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(727): View more from Florida

ooooooooooooo i'm drink

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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(317): View more from Indiana

its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.

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(408): View more from California

she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Woah.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

that's not how you spell hell yes.

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(425): View more from Washington

ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

(206): View more from Washington

High?

(425): View more from Washington

hahahahaha turkey breast

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wakey wakey hands off snakey

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(816): View more from Missouri

His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court

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(314): View more from Missouri

he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex

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(216): View more from Ohio

ok i said sorry. what else do you want?

(740): View more from Ohio

100 blowjobs

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(708): View more from Illinois

sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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(917): View more from New York City

He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

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(949): View more from California

Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

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(949): View more from California

you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.

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(650): View more from California

Get your hand out of your ass!

(734): View more from Michigan

how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?

(650): View more from California

In your belly button

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Dude you has no fucking this poptart

(719): View more from Colorado

What?

(843): View more from South Carolina

I dont know to explain this.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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(310): View more from California

can your parents tell?

(310): View more from California

i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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(650): View more from California

one two three fourrrrnication!

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin

(914): View more from New York

and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston

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(917): View more from New York City

My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm at derby!

(847): View more from Illinois

The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.

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(703): View more from Virginia

okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

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(619): View more from California

Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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(555): View more from

My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

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(678): View more from Georgia

I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself

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(425): View more from Washington

I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

(1-425): View more from Washington

you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

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(301): View more from Maryland

I want to kish your cheek

(248): View more from Michigan

My cheeks are in Michigan

(301): View more from Maryland

Oh my lips are kind of stretchy

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(530): View more from California

i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

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(727): View more from Florida

He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot

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(315): View more from New York

evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.

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(905): View more from Ontario

i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

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(425): View more from Washington

i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(212): View more from New York

dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?

(1-212): View more from New York

idk but i think it had a face

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(631): View more from New York

guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple

(1-631): View more from New York

whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

(617): View more from Massachusetts

wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

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(248): View more from Michigan

fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!

(1-248): View more from Michigan

What does that mean?

(248): View more from Michigan

How when the cu k dos I yet u

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Focus

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(619): View more from California

Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!

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(410): View more from Maryland

If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head

(770): View more from Georgia

Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you

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(510): View more from California

Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?

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(518): View more from New York

just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

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(727): View more from Florida

She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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(650): View more from California

i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

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(216): View more from Ohio

normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

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(703): View more from Virginia

something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...

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(661): View more from California

aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

(623): View more from Arizona

And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

(661): View more from California

Exactly.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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(817): View more from Texas

I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.

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(954): View more from Florida

I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.

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(347): View more from New York

I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

(347): View more from New York

I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

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(972): View more from Texas

My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101

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(708): View more from Illinois

Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame

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(415): View more from California

And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Walk of Shame time yet?

(1+44): View more from

Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

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(207): View more from Maine

I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.

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(509): View more from Washington

That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis

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(972): View more from Texas

And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.

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(408): View more from California

hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner

(1-408): View more from California

if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends

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(740): View more from Ohio

so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could

(216): View more from Ohio

did she say where she was going

(740): View more from Ohio

apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

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(253): View more from Washington

Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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(562): View more from California

tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will

(714): View more from California

and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

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(516): View more from New York

the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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(520): View more from Arizona

i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.

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(641): View more from Iowa

are you wasted or are you getting laid?

(515): View more from Iowa

ebdebdebdebd

(641): View more from Iowa

wow

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(416): View more from Ontario

He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.

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(714): View more from California

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

(949): View more from California

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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(210): View more from Texas

By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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(904): View more from Florida

i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

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(805): View more from California

I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.

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(210): View more from Texas

spencer pratt says his family invinted chess

(1-210): View more from Texas

that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.

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(519): View more from Ontario

my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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(516): View more from New York

Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you

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(281): View more from Texas

well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

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(916): View more from California

I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.

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(706): View more from Georgia

If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

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(914): View more from New York

There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

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(303): View more from Colorado

Have you learned any life lessons?

(406): View more from Montana

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

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(907): View more from Alaska

scale of 1-10 how well do I give head

(1-907): View more from Alaska

5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.

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(650): View more from California

last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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(937): View more from Ohio

oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing

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(636): View more from Missouri

I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?

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(253): View more from Washington

so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

(1-253): View more from Washington

because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

(253): View more from Washington

no more ever clear

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(818): View more from California

This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

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(714): View more from California

Letd wlk him

(714): View more from California

Lrtd walek hime

(714): View more from California

Lets wlk home,,,ther we go

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(205): View more from Alabama

Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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(646): View more from New York

he just put it in my mouth and said "go"

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(317): View more from Indiana

I got her a Nickelback box set.

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(813): View more from Florida

Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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(516): View more from New York

im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ask politely.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats good enough.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

(260): View more from Indiana

Good luck with that.

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(546): View more from

Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

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(817): View more from Texas

you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.

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(518): View more from New York

Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

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(913): View more from Kansas

i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

(816): View more from Missouri

i think im in thre room next to you

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