I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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