I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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