Texts From Last Night

barbie26's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  It smells like ranch

  (925): View more from California

  Must be all the white people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw
  Replies (52) Good night (5374) Bad night (1772)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair. http://tfl.nu/v80o
  Replies (25) Good night (1168) Bad night (6954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (5069) Bad night (1446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6615) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6660) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (24) Good night (11376) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14650) Bad night (1667)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8717) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8406) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1400) Bad night (3839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1182) Bad night (5387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only room for one pussy in that bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy. (612): only room for one pussy in that bed. http://tfl.nu/8gho
  Replies (9) Good night (725) Bad night (2241)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (25198) Bad night (1608)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8670) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I want your puppy

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I meant pussy

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I would rather you take my puppy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I want your puppy (507): I meant pussy (612): I would rather you take my puppy http://tfl.nu/alg5
  Replies (34) Good night (1198) Bad night (5009)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9786) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (53) Good night (10538) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1069) Bad night (3535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (883) Bad night (6922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (969) Bad night (3969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free. http://tfl.nu/j1zd
  Replies (20) Good night (8304) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar http://tfl.nu/uc7h
  Replies (53) Good night (3804) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was. http://tfl.nu/ift5
  Replies (16) Good night (5860) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks http://tfl.nu/ycbx
  Replies (149) Good night (3258) Bad night (1953)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.

  (951): View more from California

  Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night. (951): Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended. http://tfl.nu/dcrw
  Replies (24) Good night (1410) Bad night (2319)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it. http://tfl.nu/t2uq
  Replies (9) Good night (3674) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you. http://tfl.nu/kclk
  Replies (26) Good night (908) Bad night (4400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (6921) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1549) Bad night (5401)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2503) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

  (224): View more from Illinois

  RUN RUN RUN RUN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me (224): RUN RUN RUN RUN http://tfl.nu/a7sq
  Replies (23) Good night (3174) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle. http://tfl.nu/mxjx
  Replies (7) Good night (774) Bad night (4862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it http://tfl.nu/tzqh
  Replies (92) Good night (7295) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6412) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life. http://tfl.nu/71wd
  Replies (25) Good night (12732) Bad night (1039)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86084) Bad night (8380)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25127) Bad night (2650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (12275) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56850) Bad night (4690)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt? http://tfl.nu/qj8s
  Replies (46) Good night (5388) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife http://tfl.nu/xcgm
  Replies (37) Good night (3839) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
  Replies (13) Good night (4345) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp
  Replies (16) Good night (1541) Bad night (2323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. http://tfl.nu/dmrx
  Replies (13) Good night (1704) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers http://tfl.nu/65ag
  Replies (8) Good night (4598) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4296) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed. http://tfl.nu/1pbs
  Replies (19) Good night (2091) Bad night (6648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say? http://tfl.nu/bcus
  Replies (32) Good night (1585) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner. http://tfl.nu/vo3h
  Replies (32) Good night (3442) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault. http://tfl.nu/nhl8
  Replies (14) Good night (2659) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm lost and stupid without you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I'm lost and stupid without you. http://tfl.nu/d04q
  Replies (5) Good night (1143) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (54) Good night (2478) Bad night (14818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot. http://tfl.nu/lv0c
  Replies (101) Good night (1470) Bad night (4499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away

  (440): View more from Ohio

  isn't bella the cat???

  (216): View more from Ohio

  that she is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away (440): isn't bella the cat??? (216): that she is http://tfl.nu/l83t
  Replies (9) Good night (2742) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27842) Bad night (1804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now. http://tfl.nu/xaw7
  Replies (14) Good night (1600) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty http://tfl.nu/l1xo
  Replies (31) Good night (985) Bad night (3859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5327) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11598) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners. http://tfl.nu/k7br
  Replies (79) Good night (1862) Bad night (6847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick. http://tfl.nu/cye7
  Replies (9) Good night (3875) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/w1fj
  Replies (26) Good night (4843) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

  (210): View more from Texas

  S P E L L C H E C K

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No you dumbass thats not right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): how do you spell 'special'? like slow? (210): S P E L L C H E C K (808): No you dumbass thats not right http://tfl.nu/z6b5
  Replies (14) Good night (3150) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  she looked like the bat from fern gully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): she looked like the bat from fern gully. http://tfl.nu/q79p
  Replies (31) Good night (718) Bad night (3280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away.. http://tfl.nu/t5um
  Replies (22) Good night (2915) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (7167) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie. http://tfl.nu/febc
  Replies (35) Good night (4767) Bad night (1733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7297) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4
  Replies (104) Good night (9060) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor. http://tfl.nu/qg7g
  Replies (35) Good night (4992) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about http://tfl.nu/1vap
  Replies (27) Good night (1291) Bad night (6603)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (11277) Bad night (2032)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot." http://tfl.nu/jk33
  Replies (16) Good night (1532) Bad night (4617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16761) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10184) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter. http://tfl.nu/ayzd
  Replies (26) Good night (646) Bad night (3675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!" http://tfl.nu/62xo
  Replies (32) Good night (12073) Bad night (1468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian. http://tfl.nu/zael
  Replies (10) Good night (1143) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19820) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life. http://tfl.nu/ggva
  Replies (14) Good night (8387) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She's like a pop up book from hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She's like a pop up book from hell. http://tfl.nu/grf5
  Replies (18) Good night (905) Bad night (3945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (43798) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo. http://tfl.nu/dtd1
  Replies (22) Good night (1162) Bad night (5280)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8761) Bad night (1924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62265) Bad night (4269)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (812) Bad night (4526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight. http://tfl.nu/nhc3
  Replies (47) Good night (1015) Bad night (4354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13053) Bad night (1839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15106) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6253) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20177) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5260) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off. http://tfl.nu/8rwr
  Replies (40) Good night (872) Bad night (5727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8255) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore" http://tfl.nu/euok
  Replies (12) Good night (5782) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4056) Bad night (68268)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4825) Bad night (101290)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/tskr
  Replies (44) Good night (8179) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud http://tfl.nu/54kw
  Replies (11) Good night (4748) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up. http://tfl.nu/navv
  Replies (12) Good night (4577) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class. http://tfl.nu/dhq5
  Replies (50) Good night (560) Bad night (4559)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you... http://tfl.nu/2hf7
  Replies (59) Good night (11218) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6526) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call. http://tfl.nu/xapr
  Replies (15) Good night (4509) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right? http://tfl.nu/0mj4
  Replies (56) Good night (1201) Bad night (13439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time. http://tfl.nu/in1x
  Replies (15) Good night (4274) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8563) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?

  (1-661): View more from California

  What the hell did you do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy? (1-661): What the hell did you do last night?! http://tfl.nu/xxav
  Replies (48) Good night (736) Bad night (9753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back http://tfl.nu/ciqo
  Replies (24) Good night (4801) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses? http://tfl.nu/v432
  Replies (11) Good night (921) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot. http://tfl.nu/7qf7
  Replies (30) Good night (3678) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/iqfz
  Replies (56) Good night (6506) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1447) Bad night (9362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1275) Bad night (6224)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12415) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex. http://tfl.nu/0okh
  Replies (22) Good night (562) Bad night (4922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook. http://tfl.nu/7oed
  Replies (54) Good night (18434) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius. http://tfl.nu/w17t
  Replies (20) Good night (6104) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be. http://tfl.nu/wari
  Replies (5) Good night (541) Bad night (2764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5
  Replies (217) Good night (1382) Bad night (28778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/q5w1
  Replies (60) Good night (6344) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i already hear my dad disowning me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i already hear my dad disowning me http://tfl.nu/x26e
  Replies (2) Good night (2136) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Can you return condoms to CVS?

  (516): View more from New York

  Only if you return your pride as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Can you return condoms to CVS? (516): Only if you return your pride as well. http://tfl.nu/vx1b
  Replies (32) Good night (585) Bad night (3538)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9687) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals http://tfl.nu/anmw
  Replies (13) Good night (1161) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (10776) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7714) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense http://tfl.nu/65hc
  Replies (23) Good night (1702) Bad night (5393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water http://tfl.nu/w3uv
  Replies (10) Good night (791) Bad night (3471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  At least we don't have one night stands

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  True that. We sink our claws in our men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt
  Replies (8) Good night (2304) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4760) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85907) Bad night (3081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100330) Bad night (5713)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142171) Bad night (9315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173075) Bad night (6901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve. http://tfl.nu/bc9v
  Replies (18) Good night (1076) Bad night (6582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake. http://tfl.nu/tfkj
  Replies (12) Good night (5412) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (13033) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (9030) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9680) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (58) Good night (16497) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt