Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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