Texts From Last Night

Samiam86's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend. http://tfl.nu/pm1j
  Replies (13) Good night (2793) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa. http://tfl.nu/kz18
  Replies (2) Good night (1648) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right. http://tfl.nu/w229
  Replies (6) Good night (2030) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/mhcf
  Replies (23) Good night (3820) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness. http://tfl.nu/88ay
  Replies (6) Good night (2170) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
  Replies (11) Good night (3188) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras http://tfl.nu/fw4u
  Replies (11) Good night (2507) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential http://tfl.nu/2o4m
  Replies (5) Good night (2972) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move http://tfl.nu/h1eb
  Replies (26) Good night (2326) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that. http://tfl.nu/0566
  Replies (10) Good night (1379) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (2989) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed http://tfl.nu/y06v
  Replies (10) Good night (2685) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us. http://tfl.nu/chty
  Replies (10) Good night (5366) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn. http://tfl.nu/ndq7
  Replies (4) Good night (2549) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" http://tfl.nu/hwu1
  Replies (32) Good night (6114) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning. http://tfl.nu/olim
  Replies (7) Good night (2089) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/qsaq
  Replies (12) Good night (2825) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect. http://tfl.nu/cd2m
  Replies (4) Good night (2683) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw! http://tfl.nu/e9vz
  Replies (13) Good night (2998) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/nr8v
  Replies (12) Good night (2602) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore. http://tfl.nu/9p2a
  Replies (4) Good night (1050) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  where do you find these guys?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight' (860): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/yte1
  Replies (13) Good night (2458) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life http://tfl.nu/gkf7
  Replies (1) Good night (1266) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face

  (310): View more from California

  On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face (310): On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people? http://tfl.nu/ezwy
  Replies (6) Good night (1767) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK http://tfl.nu/n8o2
  Replies (12) Good night (1043) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status http://tfl.nu/7e09
  Replies (6) Good night (1472) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick http://tfl.nu/z2ix
  Replies (13) Good night (473) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates. http://tfl.nu/faj1
  Replies (5) Good night (2248) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night. http://tfl.nu/zcqt
  Replies (22) Good night (2885) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Grow some girl-balls and come out already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Grow some girl-balls and come out already http://tfl.nu/dlf5
  Replies (8) Good night (2800) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea. http://tfl.nu/bq8d
  Replies (7) Good night (1177) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left. http://tfl.nu/d68g
  Replies (24) Good night (3201) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war http://tfl.nu/yle2
  Replies (11) Good night (2324) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me http://tfl.nu/nz3h
  Replies (11) Good night (405) Bad night (5061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  one two three fourrrrnication!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): one two three fourrrrnication! http://tfl.nu/2jpj
  Replies (4) Good night (3365) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet" http://tfl.nu/9891
  Replies (2) Good night (3287) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
  Replies (5) Good night (1652) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in. http://tfl.nu/i926
  Replies (16) Good night (2796) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life. http://tfl.nu/wwre
  Replies (3) Good night (2767) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors http://tfl.nu/o36o
  Replies (15) Good night (4432) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem http://tfl.nu/p4jh
  Replies (19) Good night (4503) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that http://tfl.nu/d627
  Replies (4) Good night (1576) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches. http://tfl.nu/n5i2
  Replies (17) Good night (4380) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures. http://tfl.nu/juvj
  Replies (7) Good night (2416) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised? (860): Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time http://tfl.nu/9nef
  Replies (2) Good night (1896) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard. http://tfl.nu/xo35
  Replies (21) Good night (2219) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6598) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade http://tfl.nu/l96w
  Replies (9) Good night (4235) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat. (1-214): Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/vioy
  Replies (74) Good night (1359) Bad night (4158)
• Favorite

  (343): View more from Ontario

  No awkward lesbian experiences without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (343): No awkward lesbian experiences without me http://tfl.nu/e0c3
  Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2
  Replies (18) Good night (5065) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes. http://tfl.nu/z5fi
  Replies (17) Good night (2730) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now http://tfl.nu/yx20
  Replies (1) Good night (1127) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships. http://tfl.nu/rdml
  Replies (22) Good night (603) Bad night (2986)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries... http://tfl.nu/iebn
  Replies (11) Good night (1637) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Like Teddy Roosevelt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads (1-203): Like Teddy Roosevelt http://tfl.nu/jrby
  Replies (4) Good night (1624) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we need to find an occasion to wear tutus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we need to find an occasion to wear tutus http://tfl.nu/4dk7
  Replies (17) Good night (1653) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life. http://tfl.nu/nb15
  Replies (12) Good night (2190) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with... http://tfl.nu/j0qq
  Replies (27) Good night (3650) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt
  Replies (37) Good night (12806) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell. http://tfl.nu/6wbo
  Replies (4) Good night (1625) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks http://tfl.nu/tkbs
  Replies (5) Good night (1262) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits. http://tfl.nu/o0ux
  Replies (86) Good night (1004) Bad night (2440)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty" http://tfl.nu/8yrq
  Replies (45) Good night (4088) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered. http://tfl.nu/u71a
  Replies (15) Good night (7058) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this. http://tfl.nu/iqku
  Replies (46) Good night (6767) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4357) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences" http://tfl.nu/bi6b
  Replies (16) Good night (4560) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28199) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1017) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+52): View more from Mexico

  I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+52): I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore http://tfl.nu/b0tv
  Replies (52) Good night (2589) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/tadi
  Replies (11) Good night (8318) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  how was your night?

  (212): View more from New York

  well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): how was your night? (212): well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was? http://tfl.nu/mtku
  Replies (24) Good night (1034) Bad night (3908)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d
  Replies (59) Good night (7411) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She acts like you when your on meds

  (510): View more from California

  She acts like batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She acts like you when your on meds (510): She acts like batman? http://tfl.nu/zvs9
  Replies (16) Good night (5907) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk. http://tfl.nu/z5dl
  Replies (13) Good night (3589) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
  Replies (21) Good night (3853) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (38) Good night (11401) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text http://tfl.nu/8slp
  Replies (5) Good night (439) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7580) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer. http://tfl.nu/2her
  Replies (4) Good night (345) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7
  Replies (35) Good night (3943) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded. http://tfl.nu/om7e
  Replies (9) Good night (2724) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail? http://tfl.nu/evev
  Replies (6) Good night (2441) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again. http://tfl.nu/k6jo
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy http://tfl.nu/d161
  Replies (17) Good night (1974) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!! http://tfl.nu/msw0
  Replies (11) Good night (2022) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion" http://tfl.nu/b5an
  Replies (11) Good night (6626) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6336) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day http://tfl.nu/cyg4
  Replies (16) Good night (673) Bad night (3360)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me http://tfl.nu/id49
  Replies (13) Good night (4031) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (22) Good night (13537) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

  (231): View more from Michigan

  please tell me this is not legit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait
  Replies (33) Good night (5389) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (91) Good night (1853) Bad night (7626)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  everyone is single if you try hard enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): everyone is single if you try hard enough http://tfl.nu/81g9
  Replies (42) Good night (5004) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night http://tfl.nu/jc2t
  Replies (14) Good night (3778) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case" http://tfl.nu/fgo6
  Replies (12) Good night (6197) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face." http://tfl.nu/mi59
  Replies (27) Good night (928) Bad night (3922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments. http://tfl.nu/8p58
  Replies (6) Good night (2436) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (6968) Bad night (2033)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft
  Replies (18) Good night (8117) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yes. For all mankind please do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her? (319): Yes. For all mankind please do. http://tfl.nu/4jly
  Replies (49) Good night (4472) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend. http://tfl.nu/ihwe
  Replies (27) Good night (12642) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie. http://tfl.nu/rjzr
  Replies (5) Good night (4269) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis http://tfl.nu/pim3
  Replies (90) Good night (759) Bad night (4470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7393) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Each and every day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough? (604): Each and every day. http://tfl.nu/71fx
  Replies (16) Good night (4233) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol http://tfl.nu/nbdg
  Replies (28) Good night (5703) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4
  Replies (9) Good night (4753) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
  Replies (45) Good night (8757) Bad night (2452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number? http://tfl.nu/ltxf
  Replies (55) Good night (3099) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9. http://tfl.nu/1zb6
  Replies (25) Good night (1750) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019
  Replies (19) Good night (3015) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.." http://tfl.nu/uij4
  Replies (2) Good night (3491) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (40) Good night (18648) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk
  Replies (9) Good night (1183) Bad night (1660)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends http://tfl.nu/16wy
  Replies (10) Good night (2918) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me http://tfl.nu/i0wj
  Replies (8) Good night (2474) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (8) Good night (740) Bad night (2313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day. http://tfl.nu/nvhr
  Replies (53) Good night (3384) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here. http://tfl.nu/i6i2
  Replies (10) Good night (2718) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom http://tfl.nu/tvji
  Replies (25) Good night (1149) Bad night (4010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/zt1t
  Replies (10) Good night (880) Bad night (2517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself (612): It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool... http://tfl.nu/lubj
  Replies (7) Good night (2486) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6333) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You don't think I'm weird or immature right?

  (917): View more from New York City

  No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You don't think I'm weird or immature right? (917): No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets http://tfl.nu/6cpc
  Replies (40) Good night (4454) Bad night (3706)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order. (1-614): I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale! http://tfl.nu/h6yb
  Replies (50) Good night (4939) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle. http://tfl.nu/xafh
  Replies (8) Good night (997) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day. http://tfl.nu/y8lp
  Replies (9) Good night (2458) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs http://tfl.nu/e5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (1691) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being http://tfl.nu/lse1
  Replies (39) Good night (1497) Bad night (3719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut http://tfl.nu/i4w4
  Replies (21) Good night (4494) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  She still started it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister. (1-651): She still started it. http://tfl.nu/h5sx
  Replies (7) Good night (2488) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon? http://tfl.nu/jffu
  Replies (9) Good night (4201) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (7631) Bad night (1163)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
  Replies (2) Good night (2528) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/1nok
  Replies (12) Good night (2883) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina. http://tfl.nu/o9qo
  Replies (8) Good night (3460) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander. http://tfl.nu/scp8
  Replies (28) Good night (4281) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): 1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you http://tfl.nu/har0
  Replies (34) Good night (6830) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm half single.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me it's the bottom half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm half single. (773): Please tell me it's the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/3fsx
  Replies (3) Good night (1993) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today http://tfl.nu/vzvz
  Replies (4) Good night (2479) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste http://tfl.nu/zz8f
  Replies (54) Good night (693) Bad night (3098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No idea how I passed that sobriety test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): No idea how I passed that sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/5pip
  Replies (19) Good night (1483) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/zegq
  Replies (17) Good night (4011) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all http://tfl.nu/e59p
  Replies (26) Good night (4673) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex http://tfl.nu/jq0b
  Replies (12) Good night (7297) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart http://tfl.nu/aabo
  Replies (50) Good night (3112) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6293) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt