Texts From Last Night · Gamestar's Favorites

Gamestar's Favorites Texts:

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(305): View more from Florida

i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

(1-305): View more from Florida

lets call myth busters

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(519): View more from Ontario

my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?

(815): View more from Illinois

Quite the contrary. Sophistication.

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(925): View more from California

You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+33): View more from France

On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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(719): View more from Colorado

physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

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(630): View more from Illinois

wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

(816): View more from Missouri

yes. helicopter.

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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Read it at the TFLN blog
(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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(619): View more from California

The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it

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(585): View more from New York

I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

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(804): View more from Virginia

she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.

(917): View more from New York City

Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I can get orange kush...

(586): View more from Michigan

GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

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(847): View more from Illinois

You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

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(260): View more from Indiana

Are you dead

(1-260): View more from Indiana

Yes

(260): View more from Indiana

Oh man

(1-260): View more from Indiana

Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard

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(352): View more from Florida

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.

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(330): View more from Ohio

ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended

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(319): View more from Iowa

How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

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(707): View more from California

You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

thats actually pretty good logic

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(916): View more from California

my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

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(847): View more from Illinois

so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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(970): View more from Colorado

What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk

(1-970): View more from Colorado

That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

No thats like a top 10

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(203): View more from Connecticut

What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

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(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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(956): View more from Texas

Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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(818): View more from California

Jake died.

(310): View more from California

WTF????????? That's how you tell me????

(818): View more from California

Oops typo. Jake cried.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.

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(214): View more from Texas

call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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(+43): View more from

my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe

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(979): View more from Texas

if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

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(419): View more from Ohio

i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself

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(514): View more from Quebec

He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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(607): View more from New York

your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books

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(224): View more from Illinois

I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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(816): View more from Missouri

She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

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(720): View more from Colorado

New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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(712): View more from Iowa

Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

(714): View more from California

Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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(843): View more from South Carolina

he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

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(305): View more from Florida

I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

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(310): View more from California

can your parents tell?

(310): View more from California

i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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(+44): View more from England

I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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(513): View more from Ohio

i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Girls should come with a carfax report

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

therell be strippers and coke right?

(703): View more from Virginia

no strippers. just coke.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

i hate this fuckin recession

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(480): View more from Arizona

You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI

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(480): View more from Arizona

just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

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(802): View more from Vermont

We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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(410): View more from Maryland

what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

(1-410): View more from Maryland

the part where you beat me to him

(410): View more from Maryland

fair enough.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

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(315): View more from New York

idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

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(512): View more from Texas

After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

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(408): View more from California

How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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(845): View more from New York

my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

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(807): View more from Ontario

I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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(716): View more from New York

You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

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(630): View more from Illinois

Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.

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(913): View more from Kansas

just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

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(404): View more from Georgia

i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

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(516): View more from New York

my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.

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(323): View more from California

No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

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(443): View more from Maryland

just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yo everyone went to the hospital last night

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.

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(210): View more from Texas

they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

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(205): View more from Alabama

i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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(310): View more from California

Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....

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(404): View more from Georgia

She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(613): View more from Ontario

She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.

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(917): View more from New York City

she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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(503): View more from Oregon

My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf

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(845): View more from New York

Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

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(208): View more from Idaho

why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets

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(703): View more from Virginia

You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.

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(925): View more from California

its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

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(810): View more from Michigan

can I come stay the night

(217): View more from Illinois

yeah, but no sex tonight

(810): View more from Michigan

I'll stay home

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

(252): View more from North Carolina

Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Church boner. Awkwardddd

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(408): View more from California

You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.

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(309): View more from Illinois

so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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(512): View more from Texas

She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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(416): View more from Toronto

She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

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(512): View more from Texas

The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

(732): View more from New Jersey

This explains a lot.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part

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(615): View more from Tennessee

arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life

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(740): View more from Ohio

id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

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(847): View more from Illinois

No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

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(416): View more from Ontario

Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I hate bills.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

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(559): View more from California

Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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(410): View more from Maryland

She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.

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(206): View more from Washington

My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed

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(205): View more from Alabama

Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..

(256): View more from Alabama

everythings easier when your wearing a toga.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

(224): View more from Illinois

RUN RUN RUN RUN

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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(785): View more from Kansas

whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick

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(917): View more from New York City

I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out

(1-917): View more from New York City

We've been saying that since '98

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(407): View more from Florida

She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.

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(949): View more from California

Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.

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(703): View more from Virginia

he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman

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(972): View more from Texas

They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

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(323): View more from California

We should be called the Road Head Warriors

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(516): View more from New York

Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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(316): View more from Kansas

i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

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(708): View more from Illinois

so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

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(616): View more from Michigan

you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed

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(870): View more from Arkansas

These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.

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(214): View more from Texas

How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?

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(706): View more from Georgia

Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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(937): View more from Ohio

there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

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(646): View more from New York

jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times

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